From a humble identity to an identity of respect: lifetime abuse among Arab Israeli older women

ABSTRACT

This study addresses the retrospective experiences of older Arab Israeli women after a lifetime of living in the shadow of intimate partner violence. Qualitative research was conducted, using in-depth, semi-structured interviews of 15 Arab Israeli older women. Underlying this study is a feminist perspective and a life course perspective. Two main themes emerged: (1) socially endorsed violence against Arab Israeli women. This took several forms: men’s dominant position and women’s dependence, sources of violence used against women before and after marriage, and the social education of women to accept their fate. (2) The construction of a multifaceted survival identity throughout Arab Israeli women’s life and old age. This identity has a variety of dimensions, including: a submissive victim identity, a rehabilitative identity of respect in old age, and a form of split identity that combines both the rehabilitative social identity and the marginal identity still experienced within the home.

KEYWORDS:

• Arab society
• intimate partner violence
• lifetime abuse
• older women
• the feminist approach
• the life course perspective

Introduction

The phenomenon of violence in long-term intimate relationships has recently received increased research attention. However, the phenomenon of ongoing intimate violence among older Arab couples has not been researched. This study described and analyzed the female perspective among Arab Israeli women regarding the experience of aging in the shadow of long-term intimate partner violence.

Intimate partner violence is defined as any form of violence directed toward a partner or former partner, and includes physical violence such as beatings, slapping, pushing, burns and strangulation; sexual violence manifested in any action or statement with a sexual connection that is made without the full consent of both parties; mental and spiritual abuse characterized by verbal abuse and aimed at emotional harm; and behaviors of control toward the spouse including the illegitimate use of force to cause physical or psychological harm to the other. This includes economic abuse involving control of joint economic and financial resources (Krug et al., 2002; Roberto et al., 2013; WHO, World Health Organization, 2014).

Wilke and Vinton (2005) noted that older women often “fell through the cracks,” due to their age and gender and were not given a platform to express themselves (Buchbinder & Winterstein, 2003). Long-term intimate violence has received more research attention in the last decade (Roberto et al., 2013; Warmling et al., 2017). Regarding the prevalence of the phenomenon of intimate violence among adults over the age of 60, a meta-analysis of 50 studies from across the world indicates that the combined prevalence for overall elder abuse in the past year was 14.1%, the pooled prevalence for psychological abuse was 11.8%, neglect was 4.1%, financial abuse was 3.8%, sexual abuse was 2.2%, and physical abuse was 1.9% (Yon et al., 2019).

Besides the issue of prevalence, studies indicate that beyond the specific personal effects which are unique and individual, most of the women expressed similar long-term mental and health-related effects, which lasted most of their lives (Roberto et al., 2013). Changes occurring in the lives of older Israeli women who had been in lifelong violent intimate relationships included pervasive isolation and control; physical pain; and feelings of alienation and loneliness. Their entire adult life was described as a source of significant suffering (Eisikovits & Band-Winterstein, 2015).

Older women adopted a range of “solutions” in order to deal with life in the shadow of violence. These solutions included enhanced self-esteem, as well as seeking positive relationships, changes in attitudes, and a more positive view of themselves. They further addressed the limited possibilities for survival outside of the violent relationship and sought extra-familial resources for emotional support and self-fulfillment (Pritchard, 2000; T. Zink et al., 2006; T. M. Zink et al., 2004). Other studies claimed that the recovery process from intimate violence is multidimensional and ongoing. This process occurs over a long period of time and requires continual support from the surrounding environment (Carman et al., 2022).

In the broader cultural context of the Arab society, there have been virtually no studies on long-term intimate partner violence. Growing old in the shadow of intimate partner violence has consequences for women’s lives which are validated in light of the structural, social, familial, and personal changes that Arab society is undergoing. The intersection between intimate violence and the unique features of the Arab society was examined from a life course perspective and a feminist lens, thus allowing us to better understand the web of violence.

Intimate partner violence against women in the context of Arab society

Intimate partner violence occurs among all socioeconomic, religious, and cultural groups, and is shaped by cultural content and patterns (World Health Organization, 2012). The Arab society is a large minority group, making up about 20.9% of the total population of Israel (including Christians, Muslims, and Druze). The Muslim culture is the largest, comprising about 17.8% of the total population (Central Bureau of Statistics, 2018). This study will focus on the Arab Muslim society in Israel, which is undergoing change processes – from a rigidly patriarchal society with a collectivist orientation to a more – individualistic, Western-oriented society (Ben-Ari & Lavee, 2004). These changes are reflected in most areas of life, and are particularly evident when examining the status of women and older adults (Dwairy, 2004; Zuabi, 2000. (

The role of women in Arab society has undergone a fundamental change. These changes are especially evident in the areas of education and employment, to the point where woman have increasingly become partners with their husbands in providing for the family. Consequently, their status within the family has also changed, and become more significant. At the same time, and as a result of the former, women’s ability to manage traditional roles – such as being responsible for the children and the home – has decreased (Haj Yahia-Abu Ahmed, 2006). In contrast, other studies show that the changes resulting from these modernization processes are actually extremely limited, and refer to the quantity rather than the quality of women’s new position. In other words, one can say that Arab society – and especially as regards life in the villages – is still predominantly characterized by a collectivist culture and patriarchal norms (Al-Krenawi, 2011; Azaiza et al., 2009).

In Arab societies, the transition to evolving into a more modern society has a significant impact on the status of older adults (Suleiman & Walter, 2005). The Islamic religion is central to the norms and value structures of Arab society and promotes honoring one’s elders, as wise and honorable authority figures (Al-Haj, 1989). However, the changes resulting from the transition to a modern society has damaged their status as well as societal attitudes toward them (Khalaila & Litwin, 2012). While previous studies have discussed the impact of the modernization process on the status of women and older adults, very little is known about the status of older women in the context of these societal change processes (Haj-Yahia, 2000). The patriarchal structure in Arab society lends legitimacy and justification to men’s dominance over their partner and imposes the preservation of family integrity at almost any cost (Khawaja et al., 2008). In recent years, the phenomenon of intimate partner violence has begun to surface and receive attention in Arab public and around the world (Nossier, 2015). Studies show that intimate partner violence is the most common and complex type of violence among women in the Arab population, and is considered likely to continue into old age (Elghossain et al., 2019). This is due to the above-mentioned social legitimacy of such behavior among men in a society that embraces patriarchal attitudes. Furthermore, in this type of social climate, many women prefer to endure spousal violence in silence because the alternative includes high levels of uncertainty regarding the reactions of the family and society as a whole. In addition, the decision to leave the family unit, get a divorce, or even seek help from official or public sources – such as law enforcement or social service agencies – results in shame and the stigma of a socially deviant position, all of which could endanger the family’s “good name.” Therefore, many women adopt a “do nothing” attitude. Another significantly influential factor which further perpetuates such attitudes is the children – who are regarded as needing “male control,” and a stable home (Mojahed et al., 2022).

Furthermore, a possible divorce may also affect the extended family as well (e.g., the likelihood that the divorced woman’s sisters will encounter difficulties finding a husband). An additional crucial factor is the woman’s economic dependence on the man, arising from limited employment opportunities (Haj-Yahia, 2002). Older women seem to be even more “trapped,” as they are less influenced by changing values and more likely to comply with traditional expectations. As a result of all of the above, these women experience intense pressure to stay in the abusive marriage, adopt a forgiving attitude, and accept these expressions of violence against women (Bhatia & Banu-Soletti, 2018; Btoush & Haj-Yahia, 2008; Haj-Yahia, 2005; Randle & Graham, 2011).

The coping strategies of Arab women who experience intimate violence are also more influenced by traditional systems. This reduces their possible support system even further, leaving only family members to offer assistance in extreme cases, rather than the formal systems and frameworks (Btoush & Haj-Yahia, 2008; Randle & Graham, 2011). A supportive finding emerged in a survey conducted in 2011 by Yahya (2013), who examined the prevalence and nature of violence against Palestinian women in the West Bank and Gaza. This study included three age groups (young, middle-aged, and older women), and found that the main coping methods among older Arab women, exposed to intimate partner violence by their spouse, was leaving the home and seeking help from an informal party such as their children and relatives. At the same time, additional findings from study conducted in Israel indicated that Arab Israeli women reported less support from their family members in relation to the problem of intimate partner violence compared to Jewish women (Moe, 2007).

The utilization of formal support factors – such as police and welfare systems and women’s shelters was described by these women as an act of “shame, humiliation and betrayal” of traditional family values. Moreover, these women tended to report higher levels of sense of life-threatening danger, and emphasized that they do not believe that these formal sources actually help them (Barakat, 2011; Moe, 2007).

The feminist orientation

Arab feminism began to develop at the end of the 19th century by Arab women and Muslim scholars from Egypt, who struggled against Western conceptions concerning Muslim Arab women. Therefore, the Arab feminist struggle is evolving in two directions: one direction reflects the fight against local, patriarchal male control, while the other tries to debunk and defend Western prejudices and misconceptions about Arab women, in general (Golley, 2004). It is also important to note that Arab Israeli women experience a double dose of oppression, as both an oppressed minority, and as women oppressed by their own patriarchal society (Azaiza et al., 2009).

Feminism and violence in intimate relationships and the cultural aspect

Feminists in Arab culture perceive intimate partner violence as a result of asymmetric power relations between the aggressive men responsible for the violent behavior, and the women who are their victims. This concept is firmly anchored in the patriarchal context of ruler-ruled relations in society. Men’s violent behavior is legitimized because of the accepted norms and social beliefs of wider Arab society, and its rigid, hierarchical division of gender roles. In this framework, the man is seen as strong and dominant; the woman is regarded as inferior and her main role is to serve the man (Robinson & Schwartz, 2004). Such an imbalanced distribution of power legitimizes violence as an acceptable means of control and problem solving (Randle & Graham, 2011).

The feminist approach claims that violent relationships must be understood in the social and cultural context in which they develop (Bell & Naugle, 2008). In the patriarchal structure of the Arab Israeli society, the head of the family has the authority to set boundaries and codes of behavior, and to impose discipline on the other family members (Haj-Yahia, 2000, 2003).

In addition, the inferior social and economic status of Arab Israeli women increases their risk of being exposed to intimate violence at all ages (Haj-Yahia, 2000). This is particularly true in old age, when these women are further disempowered by their advanced age and the women’s own internalization of the patriarchal values legitimizing male control and the use of violence.

The life course perspective

The life course perspective emphasizes the interaction between biological, physical, behavioral, social, and familial factors. Moreover, personality characteristics, life history, and significant life events also play a part in the context of changes over time and the way these changes shape the development of individuals and groups – in the current generation and the generations that follow (G. H. Elder, 1987, 1994).

Special emphasis is placed on the family unit as the basic environmental unit of growth and development. The intergenerational aspect is presented as “linked lives” (e.g., …) or as a “family cycle” (e.g., …), and the ways in which this aspect affects the individual’s experiences and significant life events at various stations along the life course are discussed. The life course perspective also refers to social and physical risks, such as exposure to violence in the behavioral, biological, and psychosocial processes arising at all stages of life, as well as the consequences and changes that take place in old age following exposure to these life events (Kaufman & Uhlenberg, 1998; McGoldrick & Carter, 2003).

The life course perspective offers a broader view in understanding violence against women (Williams, 2003). This view enables us to more closely examine the participants’ socio-cultural heritage and social and cultural values, the system of expectations, and the support and reciprocity relationships among family members according to their current stage of life (McGoldrick & Carter, 2003). This enables an in-depth perspective concerning the effects of violence against women, and violence in the family at every stage of life. As such, the life course perspective is useful for examining long-term intimate partner violence among the Arab Israeli population, in a broad psycho-social context.

In conclusion, attitudes, and perceptions toward the phenomenon of intimate violence are changing in wider Arab society; yet, in spite these modernization processes, the patriarchal values justifying male dominance over women and the use of violence against them still prevail. This phenomenon of ongoing, lifelong intimate partner violence toward older Arab Israeli women has yet to receive systematic research attention. Given the above, a combined theoretical perspective composed of a feminist orientation and a life course approach will enable the examination of lifelong violence as perceived by older Arab Israeli women. Thus, the research question in the present study was as follows: How do Arab Israeli women experience aging in the shadow of long-term intimate partner violence?

Method

This qualitative-phenomenological study was conducted in Israel between March 2020 and July 2022. We used the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) method for the study in order to describe, understand, and interpret the meaning that older women in Arab Israeli society give to the experience of long-term intimate partner violence (J. A. Smith et al., 2009).

Participants and sample

The sample included a total of 15 older women over the age of 60 (Mage = 71.5), and followed the principle of theoretical saturation (Low, 2019).

The study employed the criterion sampling method (Patton, 2002), and the participants were selected according to a single predetermined criterion – women living with intimate violence for over 20 years. The 20-year criterion ensures that the elderly spouses are living or have lived through a long-term violent cohabitation where the man is the aggressor (The average length of marriage in the sample was 51 years).

The sample was comprised of Muslim Arab Israeli women from diverse socio-economic backgrounds, including villagers and city dwellers; with different levels of religiosity (religious, conservative, traditional, secular); with a level of self-expression that was sufficient to enable their participation in the interview; 10 respondents were married, 3 widowed, and 2 divorced at the time of the interview.

Data collection

Data was collected through in-depth, semi-structured phenomenological interviews using an interview guide (Pietkiewicz & Smith, 2014) which examined the experience of and the meaning attributed to the phenomenon of long-term intimate partner violence (Patton, 2002).

The interview guide was developed based on the literature review and the researchers’ professional experience in the field. The interview guide was conducted in the participants’ native language (Arabic), and focused on predetermined topics, while at the same time allowing for the flow of free speech between the researcher and the participants (Patton, 2002). The interview guide addressed the following categories: 1. The experience of living with violence over the years in the extended family: (e.g., Describe the family dynamics in the family of origin. Describe the main sources of violence in your life before and after marriage.). 2. The life course perspective – living and growing old in the shadow of intimate partner violence (e.g., How has life in the shadow of violence from your partner affected you? Has your life changed in any way? How can you explain this change?). 3. Reflective observation and a look toward the future – The retrospective and prospective effect of long-term intimate partner violence on women’s perception of life (e.g., What have you learned from your experience over the years? If you could go back in time to when you were a young girl, what would you change? (.

Procedure

The research team included two researchers. Both were certified social workers and experts in the field of gerontology, with rich knowledge and experience in sensitive research areas, such as the one examined in this study. One of the researchers is from the Arab Israeli society and is familiar with the unique cultural sensitivity of this society. To ensure the maintenance of an ethical process in sensitive research, we implemented the following procedures) Melville and Hincks (2016): Following approval from the faculty ethics committee, the participants were recruited in two ways. Participants were recruited by (1) contacting social workers from social services departments and various treatment centers in the community that specifically treat older Arab women who are victims of long-term intimate partner violence. Which contained reservoirs for potential women to participate in the study. The social workers then transferred these women’s details to the researchers, after receiving their consent to do so. (2) Female participants were also recruited from the community through personal acquaintances of researchers’ colleagues who guaranteed complete confidentiality. To reduce bias and risks to the participants, we ensured that the researcher who interviewed the participants had no personal or professional acquaintances with these families.

It was worthwhile to look for women outside of social services as many Arab Israeli women are unknown to these governmental frameworks and it was necessary to make their voices heard. It was difficult to recruit older Arab Israeli women from the community otherwise. This is especially so since women of this age who live under intimate partner violence are often not exposed to social media networks. They do not often speak about intimate partner violence in front of strangers.

All the participants received an explanation about the study, and those who agreed to participate signed an informed consent form in Arabic. Therefore, as regards our ethical conduct as researchers conducting sensitive research, we attempted to convey acceptance, understanding and empathy toward participants (Mertens & Ginsberg, 2008). Furthermore, we ensured that the participants would not suffer any physical or mental harm as a result of participating in the study (Fontana & Frey, 2005). In the in-depth interview, the women revealed particularly personal and intimate details about ongoing intimate violent events and experiences, which they still experienced at the time of the interviews – a process which was accompanied by difficult feelings. Therefore, in this study, we took care to maintain the emotional well-being of the participants, while ensuring their anonymity and confidentiality, and by carrying out all the research stages with an appropriate cultural and personal sensitivity approach (Dickson-Swift et al., 2007).

In addition, we adhered to ethics committee rules, which included altering data to anonymize the participants, making sure confidentiality was maintained, and conducting all interviews at the location and time of each participant according to their will and needs to ensure their comfort and safety. We also provided a list of sources of assistance, such as local social services, police, influential clerics in Israeli Arab society.

The duration of the interview depended on the women’s individual needs and abilities and usually lasted from 1.5–2 hr. The interviews were recorded, transcribed, and translated into Hebrew, they were analyzed. The voice and text files from the interviews were then saved on the personal computers, the data was backed up to a password-protected folder that only researchers could access. Recordings will be deleted five years after the completion of the study.

Data analysis and trustworthiness

The analysis process began after the first interviews had been conducted, transcribed, and translated, and while new interviews were still being conducted. The findings were analyzed using the interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA) technique, which focuses on the unique experiences of a phenomenon and enables robust and nuanced interpretation of the ways in which people process the things that happen to them (J. A. Smith et al., 2009). In this way, IPA was particularly suited for this research which centered around older women’s experiences of intimate partner violence, as opposed to content and thematic analysis which attend to diverse subjects beyond personal experiences such as social structures, cultural phenomena, or organizational dynamics (Braun & Clarke, 2021). The analysis was conducted in two steps: 1) Each case (each participant’s story) was analyzed first to ensure that an idiographic element was grasped. Here, the researcher attempted to bracket previous themes and keep an open mind to do justice to the individuality of each case. The researchers read each interview sequentially and several times to become as familiar as possible with the text. As part of our initial coding, we inductively coded significant statements that participants made. For example, we identified a wide range of participants’ statements regarding their self-identity perception over the years. 2) These phrases were then grouped into units of meaning related to the categories outlined below, including quotations that capture the essential quality of the participants’ experiences and perceptions. We then identified, clustered, and conceptualized emerging connections. At this stage, we used deductive analysis, driven by the life course perspective and the Arab feminist approach, to gain a broader understanding of the findings (J. A. Smith et al., 2009). During the analysis, the researchers discussed and identified similarities and differences in participants.

Trustworthiness was achieved by taking the following steps: 1. Dependability: The researchers documented all stages of the research – from the conducting of the interviews with the women, recording and transcribing them (audio-recorded interviews and their verbatim transcriptions enabled verification with the original), to translating and analyzing the findings, while sharing and consulting with colleagues at the university during all of the research stages (Lincoln & Guba, 1985). 2. Conformability: The researchers created methodological reflections, which means vigilance and recognition of their personal attitudes, beliefs, assumptions, and hypotheses toward the research participants and the research subject (Dickson-Swift et al., 2007; Tufford & Newman, 2010). In this context, in the current study the researchers tried to adhere to the interviewees’ words and their worldview as much as possible. They created a reflective diary in which we expressed thoughts and feelings from the first day of the research process until its completion. The important issues that came up in the diary were discussed in researcher peer groups in order to reduce the effects of personal opinions and biases on the analysis of the findings. 3. Triangulation: We used triangulation (Carter et al., 2014; Patton, 2002), reflected in the acceptance of several researchers’ perspectives, and the requirement that more than one researcher be involved in the research. The two researchers were involved in all stages of the research, and provided their references and professional comments, as experts in the field. In addition, one of the researchers was Jewish, and the other Arab, a fact that contributed to the reduction of the bias of cultural preconceptions. The research was carried out with the cooperation of colleagues which made it possible to receive feedback throughout the process. The authors heard different and diverse perspectives from fellow researchers including women and men. To reduce gender bias in the interpretation of the results, fellow researchers took an active and serious part during data analysis. Additionally, the authors used the principle of triangulation which involves collecting data from several sources (Patton, 2002). This article is part of a broader study that included intergenerational perspectives from women across three generations who experienced or were exposed to long-term intimate violence. The participation of all three generations allowed triangulation.

Findings

From the analysis of the interviews, two basic themes emerged. The first theme was violent behavior toward women with social endorsement— relating to the male hegemony in Arab society, to sources of violence throughout the woman’s life (before and after marriage), and the general education of women to be submissive. The second theme dealt with developing a multifaceted survival-identity throughout the Arab woman’s life including old age.

Violent behavior toward women with social endorsement

This theme describes the attitudes, perceptions, and stereotypes that dominate Arab society and originate from a patriarchal social structure which supports men’s violent behavior toward women. This construction is expressed in several ways: The first dimension touches upon the dominant status of the man and the position of the woman as being dependent on him, expressed by the fact that the man is responsible for making all of the decisions in and about the woman’s life. The second dimension refers to the sources of violence used against women before and after marriage. The third dimension relates to educating and conditioning the woman to be patient and accepting of her fate. This originates from fundamental social perceptions that are built into Arab culture advocating and socializing women to be submissive, obedient, and endlessly patient toward their husband. This attitude emphasizes the commitment and duty of the women to secrecy and silence in front of the formal systems and the community.

According to the first dimension, the structure of the Arab family revolves around patriarchal values advocating total male control. In everyday social and interpersonal life, women are considered inferior to men and, as such, expected to rely on them for everything.

The following quote describes the issue of decision making:

Is the man in charge of the house? Yes, a woman is not allowed to leave the house without her husband’s permission … even if she is single, she has brothers, does she have a father? No? She will never be able to walk outside without an escort. Before I got married, I would get permission from my older brother because our father was always at work, and he was very strict, but I’m not angry with him … It was good practice for married life, where the husband controls everything. (Naama, age 71, widowed 2 months ago)

As is seen in the following quote, the woman describes the sources of violence throughout her lifetime:

… My father’s house was no less violent. My whole life, since infancy, I was beaten for everything. Even my grandfather attacked me once, because I didn’t do something… They were all violent. Whatever I did, I got a beating—because of my clothes, for laughing, because of housework. I wanted to escape. By the age of seven, I was already dreaming about a husband who would wipe out all that suffering … My husband turned out to be just the same … I didn’t want him, they forced me … My brothers and my father and my uncles and my grandfather were all violent … (Farha, age 67, married)

Farha describes the presence of violence throughout her entire life – from early childhood until she was forced to marry a husband who was chosen for her – beginning the second chapter of her life with more violence. She describes violence perpetrated by family members, including her father, grandfather, brothers, and uncles, and the way they used violence to dominate, supervise, and control her behavior and her decisions.

The next quote illustrates the existence of additional sources of domestic violence once the woman is married:

He used to beat me, and his family joined the party - his brothers, and his mother, as well as my father-in-law. They would beat me in front of my children and in front of the neighbors … My sons as well, my own flesh and blood, would behave violently toward me sometimes. They took advantage of me financially and abused me. I know they are men, and they behave like that because they are stressed and overburdened … I forgive them because sometimes things are complicated. (Salma, 72, divorced)

Salma testifies about the ways in which her marriage led to her abuse by her husband’s family. The Arab man feels that he owns his wife; therefore, he allows his family to exert control over her. This understanding is derived from social and familial norms in Arab society that give respect to the man’s family throughout all stages of life. She describes experiencing violence at the hands of all of the members of her husband’s family, including his parents and siblings. There was no attempt to conceal such acts and incidents from her children, the neighbors, and acquaintances. In addition, she described her own sons as another source of violence. She tries to account for and justify the men’s behavior by citing reasons such as stress and psychological overload.

As mentioned previously, in Arab society, the woman’s education centers around submissiveness, and tolerance is expected in response to a partner’s violent behavior. In other words, the woman is expected to suffer in silence as a sign of acceptance and loyalty.

The following quote clearly illustrates this attitude:

… [Women] should be tolerant and patient “mstrat-” that’s what I tell my daughters … a man must get angry. Are there any men who don’t hit? They all do … who told you they don’t? But there are tolerant women, tolerant, long-suffering women … a woman must remain silent, she must not go around telling people the family’s secrets. So, he hits her sometimes and then things work out afterwards. But if others find out about it, the isolated incident becomes a shameful issue. That is why I educated my daughters to solve all their problems at home … It’s his job to rule, isn’t it? Even if he abuses her in front of other people, she should keep quiet and not talk about it. (Imtiaz, age 73, divorced)

Arab Israeli women are supposed to be “tolerant” and “patient and to keep silent about the violence perpetrated by the men in the family, especially as regards intimate partner violence. These women accept their lifelong violent reality. It is important to note that the responsibility of keeping the secret does not include the men, who are allowed to talk, and even boast, about how they control their partner by beating her.

This theme illuminates a variety of attitudes, perceptions, and stereotypes that dominate the Arab culture. These attitudes originate from a patriarchal social construction that supports violent behavior toward women across generations, and relies heavily on male hegemony. These attitudes and behaviors reflect a hierarchy prevailing in gender relations – both before and after marriage.

A multifaceted survival identity

The second theme deals with a multifaceted survival identity, as expressed by Fatema:

“You see me as a different woman at each stage of my life.”

This quote emphasizes the transitions in women’s identities under the survival conditions forced upon them by living in the shadow of violence. This violence began at birth with the masculine control of her father, brothers, and other men in the family, and continued after her marriage, as she was abused by her husband and his family, as well as by her own sons.

The shaping of a multifaceted survival identity is composed of three subthemes. First, “Nothing changed … in the end, I gave in … :” A submissive victim identity. Second, “Today I am respected and continue to suffer in silence. Now that I am old, I get more attention from others:” The Arab society’s building of a rehabilitative culture of respect in old age. Third, “She seeks respect within the family like the respect she is shown outside:” As an older person, she lives an in-between reality comprised of a rehabilitative social identity and the preservation of the familial, “marginal” identity at home, and needs to adapt to the transition to a multifaceted identity

The first subtheme shapes the older women’s primary survival identity, which dominates and affects their self-identity and state of being throughout their lives – the identity of a submissive victim. The following quote is illustrative of this woman’s sense of being in the world:

I lived in terrible fear the entire time, in constant anxiety and terror. I was always frightened of tomorrow. I kept expecting the violent incident to end, and hoped it would be the last time, but nothing changed … I told you before that I tried to commit suicide and burn the house down with the children in it. I wanted to end this life. [As they say,] a wet man does not fear the rain. I had nothing to lose, but I didn’t succeed in any case … In the end, I gave in. Since then, I take tranquillizers. I don’t feel the joys of life, I’ve even lost my sense of taste and smell. I have missed out on peacefulness, I have missed out on life, I have missed out on the sense of security everyone else has. I am a victim … (Hulaa, age 69, married)

In this quote, the Hulaa describes her life in the shadow of long-term intimate partner violence, which led to the minimization and almost complete erasure of her self-identity. At the same time, she developed a “submissive” self-identity and self-abnegation vis-à-vis family members. Forced to remain in the shadow of intimate partner violence for many years, with no possibility of confronting or resolving the issue, caused her to miss out on herself. She experienced a sense of gradual diminishment, and finally surrendered to the harsh reality. These difficult events shaped her life course. She lived in constant, terrible fear; she attempted to end her life, but did not succeed. Finally, she gives up and submits to the reality of her violent life, which continues up to the present time. She is fully aware of all that she has missed out on, and the implications concerning her altered personality along with the changes in her life course.

Another version of submissiveness is expressed in an additional adaptive pattern of double identity among these women: submissive at home and independent outside of the home. As one older woman described:

I was a completely different person outside. I wanted to survive, I worked, volunteered, I was a leader, I earned a respectable living. All of the men outside used to look at me, thinking I was so independent and that I wasn’t suited to being a housewife because I was such a strong woman … I had a glamorous alter ego [cries], but every day I went home to the violence. I knew I was living in a dream outside. I was sometimes bewildered about who I really was - the strong independent woman or that crazy man’s submissive dog. But I repeat: It was a way to survive; at least I had the respect of people outside the home. (Naama, age 71, widowed 2 months ago)

Naama describes a situation in which she assumed totally different characteristics at home and outside of the home (her role as a wife and mother vs. her role as a professional). Naama describes how she fulfilled herself outside because her husband allowed her to work if she gave him the money. Even though he exploited her economically, she gained satisfaction from her work and in the community, and succeeded in a leadership role where she felt she had an impact. She explains and emphasizes that the split between her personal, occupational, and social identities was created to enable her to survive and negotiate the contrasting worlds in her life. This, however, created a deep sense of limbo for her: she belonged everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

The second subtheme relates to the ways in which the Arab culture builds a rehabilitative identity of respect in old age, which is described as being unique to Arab society.

One older woman described this as follows:

I’ve suffered [for many years] and now everyone gives me the respect I deserve - because I did what I had to do for so many years. They know [what I’ve been through], and so they respect me. I took care of myself and of my children … I gained even more respect because of the many points I “earned” from all the violence and suffering I experienced. And I was always thankful to Allah, in every situation. I am highly respected and that’s a good place to be, no? … I enjoy being in this position very much [now]. I never received such respect during my entire life. I had some respect because I remained silent, but now, there’s a different kind of respect, it’s different … I don’t know, I see myself differently. (Samira, age 80, married)

Samira describes the respect earned by a woman who stays in a violent relationship without exposing the secret – tolerant and long-suffering throughout the years. From this perspective, her suffering takes on new meaning: the longer she has suffered, the greater respect she receives, allowing her to feel as though she is a resilient, strong woman, bravely enduring her spouse’s ongoing abuse. At this stage of her life – old age – her struggles are finally rewarded, as she receives the admiration and support of both family and society, thus enabling a change in the way she perceives her self-identity. From her point of view, the respect she has gained is a just reward in exchange for her many years of suffering. This new respect gives her a sense of competence, victory, resilience, and strength.

Shaping and building a rehabilitated identity in old age is also attributed to divine recompense. The following quote is illustrative:

Allah will not forget my suffering; I know He will reward me in the end. Life is only the beginning. After my death, I have surely secured my place in Paradise [Jannah]. So, I say to you, despite the hardships of living with a violent husband for many long years, and despite the suffering I experienced with the divorce, in the end, with Allah’s help, I have earned my place in Paradise, and he will go to Hell [Jahannam]. Allah waits, but does not forget. He will reward the worthy in the end. (Imtiaz, age 73, divorced)

Imtiaz clings to her faith in Allah and to her expected reward, despite the difficulty and suffering she experienced throughout her life. Her belief that she has secured a place in the afterlife helps her endure a life of violence. She relates to her current life as temporary, and believes that in exchange for suffering her husband’s violence and the horrible divorce which he finally initiated, she will receive compensation in the form of the true life—in Paradise. She is also certain that her husband will not merit this and will receive his due punishment. To illustrate this idea, she quotes an Arabic proverb that translates as “Allah waits, but does not forget.”

The rehabilitated identity among older women living in the shadow of violence also derives from economic independence. The following quote illustrates this:

I went to the social worker and told her that he doesn’t give me any money. She was immediately supportive, showed me how to start the process and guided me through it … A few days later, my pension was in my bank account. After that, I was no longer his servant. I was already an old woman, but better late than never. My pension is one of my rights. Before, I used to have to ask him for pocket money and he never gave me anything, but the pension is mine, not his. He wasn’t doing me any favors … Everyone around me supported me … Two or three years later, he divorced me and disappeared. Why? Because I had changed, I’d stopped begging him for a few shekels to buy milk. He understood that I was no longer the weak woman he had known. (Salama, age 72, divorced)

Salama describes the social support in the form of her old-age pension as a contributing factor to shaping her new self-identity and independence. Even though old-age pensions in Israel are too small to live on for people without significant additional income, for these women, they are a source of empowerment and independence. The woman describes the formal and informal social support that she received after applying to separate her pension from that of her husband, and have it transferred directly into her bank account. This process strengthened her by adjusting the balance of power in her marriage. Her husband was angry and frustrated about having lost some of his ability to control his wife, which is in her view what led to their divorce. In this manner, while these formal procedures could ensure economic security as well as strengthen and consolidate a rehabilitated self-identity, many other women were reluctant to use the formal services.

Another layer in creating a rehabilitated identity in old age is related to preservation of and loyalty to the maternal role. This further reflects the centrality of the motherhood identity in the lives of older Arab Israeli women. This is apparent in the following quote:

My children, my children. I suffered and did not get a divorce. So, I gained my children’s lives and my children’s motivation, and thanks to Allah, I taught them and enabled them, to be successful … it was worth living through all that to see them [as they are] today. I am very, very proud of them and seeing them successful gives me respect and peace of mind. (Fatma, age 65, married)

Fatma’s motherhood narrative gives meaning to the long years of suffering a life of intimate partner violence by glorifying the respect she now receives. In addition to the sacrifice she made for her family by concealing and silently coping with her spouse’s violence, she has finally reached old age, without having violated the woman’s obligation to keep the family together. Her children’s success lends additional meaning to her rehabilitated identity. She describes above how, thanks to her, the children are successful and strong, and went to study respectable professions. This is highly meaningful, as it was her hopes for the children which gave her strength and motivated her to overcome all of the difficulties.

The third subtheme emerging from the data, and related to the transition of developing a multifaceted identity, is the ability to juggle between the reality of a rehabilitative social identity, while still preserving a “marginal” identity at home.

At this stage of their lives, the older women need to integrate their survival identity from the past – based on inferiority, submission, tolerance of violence, and marginality within the family – with their newly achieved status vis-à-vis the community and society outside of the home. This multi-faceted identity compels the women to continue to contain the two opposing identities simultaneously.

The next quote expresses the gap between their identity of respect in society and their marginalized identity within the family, which in some cases continues in old age.

No one in the family gives me the respect I deserve [cries]. They have gotten used to my demeaning position. I have spent my whole life serving others. I thought that my age would help me a bit, but no, my husband has dictated my place in the family – the family that [I worked hard to] create and maintain throughout my life. I am their servant, but I don’t get the respect that other older women receive! … At the day center, my neighbors know how much I have suffered, and they respect me! I want respect inside the house, more than anywhere else! (Bahja, age 81, married)

Bahja describes the extreme dissonance between preserving her status as an older woman in the public space, and her immediate family’s attitude toward her. This increases her sense of being wronged and creates an intrapersonal conflict – between her newly acquired social identity and the lifelong identity within the family unit she has worked so hard to create.

It is apparent from her words that she feels frustrated with the gap between these opposite perceptions – the way she wants to be perceived and the way she is actually perceived.

The following quote describes women’s reflective perception of their self-identity, as well as their aspirations for their future identity.

Unless time turned back, I would not live in a world that makes me die every day. I am stronger today and won’t return to my previous life. God will compensate me, but I aspire to live like humans with full respect. I don’t know if I will have such a situation for the rest of my life. However, I dream of it, to experience life without violence. Maybe if my husband dies I will win such a situation. (fawzia, age 69, married)

Her words show that she regrets submitting to violence for all her life. Therefore, she strives for full respect in the following years of her life but remains passive without any attempt to change her situation. She waits for her husband to die and her life to change.

The emerging findings show an ongoing struggle regarding the women’s self-image in the shadow of years of violence over the course of a lifetime, The difficult life events these women experienced had a direct impact on their self-identity, causing a split, a double “false” identity: submissive, undervalued, and abused in the home, and respected as an independent woman outside of the home. In some cases, the status of old age, and the economic independence which accompanies it in the form of an old-age pension, help consolidate and maintain the self-identity of older women. However, many of these aging women still experience great frustration, due to the gap between the respect they receive and the respect they would like to have – a level of respect and dignity equivalent to that enjoyed by older women who have not experienced violence. However, a lifetime of patterns often makes it impossible to shift this fossilized perception.

Discussion

The life world of older Arab Israeli women living in the shadow of long-standing intimate partner violence is rooted in conservative-patriarchal perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors that are characteristic to this society (Abu Ahmed, 2006). The Arab patriarchal social structure is a platform upon which the violent world of women’s family lives is built and endorsed by the society itself, as is illustrated in the first theme. Arab women lack significant power and authority in the family. More importantly, the patriarchal view grants the Arab man the right to be a legitimate aggressor, while the Arab woman is held accountable for a dysfunctional family life and problematics relationships.

Masculinity is highly valued in the Arab world. As a way of illustrating one’s masculinity, dominating the women in one’s family is perceived as legitimate. The women’s expected behavior in this reality is to remain submissive and silent. Within this relational structure, feelings such as jealousy, anger, worry, and possessiveness all serve to legitimize violent reactions within the context of male supremacy (Baydoun, 2018).

Prior research has substantiated the fact that while some change is visible in Arab society, the continuous presence of these described attitudes, perceptions, and stereotypes still dominates the Arab world (Baydoun, 2018; Nossier, 2015), These attitudes serve as a justification for the use of violence, and as a means of men exerting control over women (Catlett et al., 2010).

The findings show that women suffer violent male behavior at the hands of various male family members including the father, the son, the brother, the uncle, the husband, and his family members. The older women in the study adopted the social codes of their society, which considers violence from the husband’s family as a legitimate family interest in which all members of the extended family are and should be involved (Yitzchaki et al., 2014).

The research findings reinforce the educational approach prevalent in Arab culture, according to which a woman is expected to be submissive, obedient, and to show patience toward her husband, as the traditional gender role and position of a woman dictates (Abu Ahmed, 2006). All of these attitudes are part of the normative values in Arab society, which encourage conformity and dependence on the part of women, and a general sense of leniency regarding violent men (Al-Asfour & Khan, 2014). The older women in the study reported that throughout their lives they had to give up their independence and allow men to decide for them. As a result, they developed a dependence on men and an ingrained sense of submissiveness. In this way, these women gradually come to “accept” and internalize male superiority, oppression, interference, and men’s control over their very lives.

These findings resonate with the overall feminist approach that views the patriarchal structure of society as being responsible for the phenomenon of violence against women. According to this approach, women are the focus of victimization precisely because they are women, and the violence is a direct continuation of years of oppression, due to their being a disadvantaged class (Robinson & Schwartz, 2004). Such control finds expression at the family and personal level, such as exposure to violence within the family unit (Haj-Yahia, 2005). According to Arab women in the present study, violence is a socio-cultural norm, which translates into being “patient” –” and accepting the violence perpetrated by the men in their family, particularly within the marital framework. As a result, hiding violence and maintaining silence are acceptable societal reactions (Band-Winterstein, 2015), well rooted in Arab society (Barakat, 2011; Moe, 2007).

The multifaceted survival identity as a natural outcome

“You see me as a different woman at each stage of life.” The older women in the study lived a historical-social-familial and cultural reality that perceives violence as part of their destiny. They are educated and conditioned not to tell, not to resist, not to react, not to divorce, not to seek help, and not to complain about the violence. Yet, all of these “nots” take their toll and, in accordance with the life course perspective, these life events, relationships, and behaviors shape the individual (G. Elder & Giele, 2009).

In order to survive, these women learned to integrate violence into their daily routine by using life experience and life wisdom to cope with the violent reality. In order to deal with this reality, the women were forced to make adaptive adjustments and come up with unique self-survival methods over the course of their lives. One such method is the forming and shaping of a unique narrative that explains this harsh reality and allows the woman to function in spite of the violence (McAdams, 2008).

The older women in the study reported that they functioned by adopting a submissive and inferior identity within the home, and by concentrating on the maternal role in order to protect the family. For the mother, the sacrifice of one’s personal life and identity for the sake of the children and in order to preserve the integrity of the family is experienced as the symbol of ultimate motherhood. This sacrifice is, in turn, accompanied by expectations that she will be treated in a “respectable” and supportive manner – both emotionally and physically – by her family and community, as is customary in Arab society. Thus, the adoption of the submissive identity, taken on in an attempt to balance the family, ultimately perpetuates and feeds violence against women (Cronin & King, 2010).

During the aging process, there is a turning point in the shaping of a woman’s identity. This results from the Arab culture’s “positive” ageist attitudes and perceptions, which give respect to a woman due to her old age (Sinunu et al., 2009). This respect is also a “reward” for hiding the violence which she suffered, and for sacrificing her life for the sake of future generations, thus meeting the social expectations. This reality helps us to understand why older Arab Israeli women experience a rehabilitated identity in old age. In other words, prolonged suffering over a period of many years takes on a new meaning in old age: the longer the years of suffering, the more respect the woman receives. This respect is seen as a badge of resilience and endurance in the face of her partner’s continuous abuse. At this stage of life, such feelings generate support both at the familial and societal level, thus enabling a change in the woman’s self-identity. The research findings also showed that the presence of religion, and its place in shaping the identity bestowed by the status that comes with old age, is another source of strength and power for women. Finally, economic independence, in the form of the old-age pension, is considered yet another factor that allows a transition to a rehabilitated identity in old age for Arab women (Dhar, 2020). The experience of this changed identity, along with the family’s respect and religious support, pushes the violence factor into the background and the positive changes to the foreground of their experience, giving renewed meaning to their sense of being in the world.

Therefore, it is not surprising that dissonance still exists between the marginal status of women within the family and their rehabilitated social status outside the family framework. How can this conflict be resolved? It appears that the built-in tension between the fixation on women’s inferior status within the family and the actual rehabilitative status in the world at large, thanks to the long-held “secret,” leads to the creation of a multifaceted identity. Women in Arab society learn to uphold both of these identities simultaneously.

Older Arab Israeli women’s strategies for coping with long-term abuse

The rehabilitated identity in old age, together with the life wisdom that Arab Israeli women gained throughout their lives in the shadow of intimate violence, shaped their coping methods in old age. Older women among the general population suffering from IPV adopted “solutions” to deal with life in the shadow of violence, including: rethinking the limited possibilities for survival outside of the violent relationship, and seeking extra-familial sources of emotional support and self-fulfillment (Pritchard, 2000; T. Zink et al., 2006; T. M. Zink et al., 2004). Most importantly, these women expressed the need to tell their stories to family members, friends, and professionals in order to receive approval and recognition of their ongoing suffering. For them, this was the essence of survival and aging in the shadow of violence (Pritchard, 2000; M. J. Smith & Hightower, 2000). In contrast, older Arab Israeli women continue to live a violent life, while at the same time maintaining the burden of silence regarding this violence, as they continue to “keep the secret” and avoid reporting acts of violence to the formal and informal support networks. This silence is largely due to their belief in maintaining those traditional values that support male dominance and respect women’s silence (Band-Winterstein, 2015; Moe, 2007).

Limitations and implications

The study focused on the perceptions and creation of reality of women living with lifelong violence. However, this perception would be further enriched by following up with research of a sample of older men – the perpetrators of the violence – and the way they perceive their own behavior. This would enable an additional reciprocal perspective, which could shed light on the complexities of lifelong violence. The decision to interview only women was made, in part, as a result of the difficulty in recruiting men to participate in the study, due to both the men’s refusal and out of concern for the women’s safety. Furthermore, the translation from the Arabic language to Hebrew and English can damage the authenticity and richness of the original language. Therefore, in the current study, we did our best to preserve the meaning of the original language.

Additional limitations arise from the fact that in Arab society, there is a cultural difficulty in expressing feelings and exposing oneself personally and as a family. Similarly, there are warnings regarding the social consequences that may result from speaking impulsively or freely, without thinking first. A similar approach characterizes professional meetings as well. Therefore, in contrast to the Western social approach – based on maximum openness between the individual/patient and the professional – it is unacceptable to expect Arab individuals to divulge “family secrets” to professionals, who are not related to them. Therefore, those who do this are perceived by society as being weak and unfaithful to the community (Jaraisi, 2012). This consideration may have affected the women’s descriptions. This is due to feelings of embarrassment or shame, a general reluctance to discuss sensitive issues in front of a stranger, and the woman’s customary duty to conceal family matters. In analyzing the findings, I chose the approach of trusting the content that came up in the interviews, with the understanding that the women’s remarks reflect their subjectivity, while maintaining the accompanying cultural sensitivity in the background.

Another limitation is that the study, which involved older women, required cognitive and functional capacity as well as some courage. It can be assumed that the experience of long-term intimate violence in victims is more complex among more vulnerable women, whose voices are not heard in this study, such as those who experience a cognitive or physical disability or who are afraid to participate in the study and fear for their lives

Implications for research and practice

This study sheds light on aging with intimate partner violence in Arab society, and the women’s attempts to construct meaning, which can help them survive and rehabilitate their identity. The contribution of the current study is that it examines a highly sensitive issue in Arab society and culture, which has not received research attention thus far. The study also enables a deeper understanding of the importance of the lifelong perspective and the socio-cultural context which, in turn, results in a more in-depth understanding of social phenomena in general, and IPV in particular. Thus, it would be of great value to examine the perceptions and attitudes of other significant family members, such as the violent men and the children (particularly the boys), along with members of the extended family who were found to be active in the violent interaction, or collaborators in maintaining the silence.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Data availability statement

The participants of this study did not give written consent for their data to be shared publicly, so due to the sensitive nature of the research supporting data is not available.

Additional information

Funding

The work was supported by the Minerva Center on Intersectionality in Aging, Department of Gerontology, University of Haifa.