“I’ve Learned to Convert My Sensations into Sounds”: Understanding During-Sex Sexual Communication

ABSTRACT

Research generally supports the idea that sexual communication is beneficial to partners in committed relationships. However, much existing sexual communication research has a verbal communication bias and has examined sexual communication in non-sexual contexts, neglecting a wide variability of other forms of communication that occur during sex. Thus, from a sexual scripts theoretical framework, the purpose of the present study was to: (1) explore how individuals communicate needs, desires, pleasure, and displeasure to their partners during sex; (2) investigate perceptions of during-sex sexual communication’s purposes; and (3) document individuals’ perceived barriers and facilitators to during-sex sexual communication. Data from 27 interviews conducted among individuals in committed different-gender relationships (15 women, 11 men, 1 queer person; 21–68 years old), were analyzed using thematic analysis. Participants reported communicating using a combination of verbal, vocal, and bodily forms of communication. Most participants indicated that communicating during sex increased sexual pleasure and emotional intimacy and was useful for clarifying doubts and reducing insecurities. Many individuals nonetheless reported avoiding verbal communication during sex to preserve the mood, protect a partner’s feelings, and avoid experiencing negative emotions and a partner’s judgment. Sexual communication was also described as a skill that is developed over time and through the development of sexual subjectivity. Implications for sexual script theory and future sexual communication research are discussed.

Disclosure Statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.

Additional information

Funding

This work was supported by the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada [767-2016-1331].