Who Would Do That? A Theory-Based Analysis of Narratives of Sources of Family Ostracism

ABSTRACT

There are many benefits derived from families, but not all family members are loving and accepting. Family members may act as sources of ostracism (people or groups who ostracize another person/group). We suggest sources engage in family ostracism for extended periods, their motives fit with prior theoretical models, and trait-level forgiveness may help understand source behavior. We analyzed data from 63 narratives and questionnaires to investigate the motives, power dynamics, and psychological correlates of sources of family ostracism. We found sources of ostracism are often of equal status to the targets of ostracism, and termination often occurs informally or is prompted by major changes in the family (e.g., birth, move). Also, sources of ostracism are often targets themselves suggesting family ostracism may be reciprocal in nature. Our findings support existing theory, but suggest ostracism in families has unique dynamics not captured in laboratory designs.

Keywords:

• exclusion
• family
• ostracism
• sources of ostracism

Notes

1. We achieved random assignment by assigning participants to a different writing prompt based on the day of the month they were born. Those reporting being born the 1st–10th, 11th–20th, and 21st–31st were each assigned to write about their experience as target, source, or witness, respectively. Target and witness data were not the focus of this article, thus were not included in analyses discussed in this study.

2. Five accounts were considered to have insufficient detail for analysis if no coders could discern who ostracized whom, for how long, what the ostracism entailed, or motive. For instance, one such narrative stated, “I’m sure in my life I have done things without all of the members of my family,” another “just for small things going on nothing huge.” Other times certain questions were left blank by participants, making it impossible to know who the source was, how long ago ostracism occurred, or why it began or ended. These five cases were not used in any analyses with coded data. An additional four respondents provided partial information for coding but lacked complete details, we included them in analyses where they provided sufficient data.

3. During discussions of coding for motives, we became aware of confusion about how different motives may manifest in families. For example, we discussed if ostracizing a younger sibling was role-prescribed or punitive. Another example was someone ostracized an adult sibling for substance use with a vague reference to protecting her children, and we discussed if this was punitive or defensive. After discussing, and reviewing Williams (1997) again, we recoded this construct with better agreement.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Joan R. Poulsen

Joan R. Poulsen is an Associate Professor in Psychology at Indiana University-Purdue University Columbus.

Anna F. Carmon

Anna F. Carmon is an Assistant Professor in Communication Studies at Indiana University-Purdue University Columbus.