The challenge of parenting children from different worlds

ABSTRACT

This paper was presented at the Association of Child Psychotherapy (ACP) annual conference, alongside images of birds’ nests of all shapes and sizes, to illustrate their versatile and unique qualities specifically required for their young. It explores the experience of parenting children who come from ‘other’ worlds, with a focus on adoptive parents, and examines how parenting, or being parented by someone who appears to be so very different to ourselves, can be extremely complicated and can cause significant distress. The paper will refer to some of the challenges of being good enough or secure enough, when it comes to building ‘home’ or nest. These challenges are also experienced by professionals, who can feel that they have limited resources to offer these children given their complex needs. It can feel as though they are continuing the cycle of deprivation, balancing on the edge of the nest with vulnerable fledglings, and preparing them for flight which they may not yet be ready for. These themes are also relevant when considering the context and ‘edginess’ of our times – coming out of the pandemic, many of us have had the experience of being cast out of the workplace and other connected or communal spaces, feeling less protected at home, while being exposed to more of the threat normally held within our clinics. We have all found ourselves living in a changed world.

KEYWORDS:

• Adoption
• trauma
• stories
• attachment
• nature

Confidentiality statement

The material used in this paper has been disguised so that no-one can be personally identified. The material has been gathered from different groups both with young people and parents. Young people described in the encounter in the woods would not recognise themselves in the account as it is described.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Notes

1. Billy is a pseudonym, and the material described has been disguised to the point that he would not recognise himself were he to read this paper. He, along with all the young people attending the camp, gave consent for material to be used for training purposes.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Alison Roy

Alison Roy is a consultant child & adolescent psychotherapist. She has worked as a psychotherapist for over 20 years both in the NHS, independent practice and in community settings. In her work with individuals, couples, families and groups she focuses on the deep significance of early attachments and the impact of trauma and loss on the personality. She was the co-founder and previously the clinical lead for the CAMHS and East Sussex specialist adoption service – AdCAMHS. She has written a book about adoption (A For Adoption) and a chapter about education through the arts, and contributes regularly to press and mainstream media. Previously she was the director of communications for the Association of Child Psychotherapists (ACP) and the Bulletin magazine editor. Before training as a psychotherapist, she edited and produced a youth magazine, and went on to found a community arts project called Generation Arts Project (GAP) harnessing the creative potential of challenging and vulnerable young people not in education or employment. Her further training includes EMDR part 1, 2 & 3 and a diploma in reflective practice in organisations with the Institute of Group Analysis. In addition to her clinical work she provides bespoke training programmes, workshops and reflective practice groups for community and corporate organisations.