Alone (together): becoming a parent in the pandemic

ABSTRACT

This paper draws on the author’s own experience of becoming a parent during the Covid-19 pandemic as a starting point from which to explore, and consider, how the experience of new parenthood was profoundly affected by the unusual and challenging circumstances created by the pandemic. Using a psychoanalytic lens, the author considers the legacy effects of Covid-19 restrictions and the atmosphere of heightened anxiety and danger, on the families who welcomed their first child in 2020 or 2021. The paper brings into focus the simultaneous experience of increased isolation and the withdrawal of support that would ordinarily be offered to new parents, along with the increased opportunities for closeness and early bonding this might bring, and considers how these factors might interrelate. It considers the changes to fatherhood that the pandemic created, and examines the benefits as well as pitfalls of the unusual circumstances brought about by successive lockdowns in the UK. The paper also explores the role that child psychotherapy has, as a profession, to examine and understand this experience for new parents and children born in the pandemic.

KEYWORDS:

• Parenting
• Covid-19 pandemic
• matrescence
• parent-infant relationship

Acknowledgements

Thank you to all of the parents and professionals who willingly, and touchingly, contributed their experiences. I am grateful to my analyst whose insight and support helped me to process my experience to the point of feeling able to write this paper. My thanks also go to Alexandra de Rementeria and Kate Stratton, who encouraged me to develop this paper in a supportive and kind way. The biggest thanks of course go to my partner and to our wonderful child, who made and continues to make our world bigger and brighter.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author.

Notes

1. Some of my stories are mixed in with those of other contributors, in order to afford my family some anonymity. All names and identifying details have been changed with the same intention.

2. UK Obstetric Surveillance System, Key Information on COVID-19 in Pregnancy, published online at https://www.npeu.ox.ac.uk/assets/downloads/npeu-news/MBRRACE-UK_Rapid_COVID_19_DEC_2021_-__Infographic_v13.pdf.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Helen Sussman

Helen Sussman is a Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist in Doctoral Training at the Tavistock and Portman NHS Trust.