Not All Affairs are Created Equal: Emotional Involvement with an Extradyadic Partner

Abstract

The goal of the current study was to explore how participants' recollection of their level of emotional involvement with an extradyadic partner related to the precipitants and outcomes of that involvement. Three hundred and forty-five undergraduates and 115 community individuals with a history of extradyadic involvement completed self-report measures about their most recent extradyadic experience. In both samples, greater emotional involvement with an extradyadic partner was related to dissatisfaction with the intimacy in the primary relationship prior to the affair, intimacy and self-esteem motivations for involvement, gradual onset of attraction to the extradyadic partner, lower remorse regarding the involvement, a greater likelihood of primary partner knowledge of the involvement, and (in the community sample) marital dissolution. A path model further identified interrelationships among the variables, such as direct effects of dissatisfaction with intimacy in the primary relationship and concern for the primary partner's feelings. Emotionally involved affairs are different from casual affairs in terms of precipitants, motivations, development, and outcomes, with implications for prevention, intervention, and understanding the dangers of different types of affairs.

Acknowledgments

This research was supported in part by an American Psychological Association Dissertation Research Award. We thank Donald H. Baucom for his many contributions.

Notes

⁺ p < .10;

* p < .05;

** p < .01;

***p < .001 (all two-tailed).

^a T-tests indicate that individuals whose primary partners knew of the involvement had higher levels of emotional involvement with the affair partner relative to those whose partners did not know (undergraduate t(331) = 2.40, p < .05; community t(111) = 2.95, p < .01).

^b T-test indicates that individuals whose most recent extradyadic involvement was in a former marriage were higher on emotional involvement with the extradyadic partner (M = 5.32, SD = 1.29) relative to individuals whose most recent extradyadic involvement was in a current marriage (M = 3.86, SD = 1.70; t(71) = 4.49, p < .001).

¹This difference was apparent even when controlling for satisfaction with the intimacy in the primary relationship prior to engaging in the most recent extradyadic relationship (F(1,86) = 13.77, p < .001). Even though most affairs end after divorce (Spanier & Margolis, 1983), for some of these cases perhaps the affair continued after marital dissolution and our index of closeness with the affair partner reflects continued building of emotional investment over time after leaving the primary partner. Thus, we also analyzed participants' recollection of whether love for the extradyadic partner was a reason for getting romantically involved—this variable theoretically assesses initial loving feelings rather than those that might have developed after an extended involvement. Individuals whose affairs were in former marriages were also significantly higher on this variable relative to individuals whose affairs were in current marriages (t(89) = 2.29, p < .05).