How individuals discover and respond to putative secrets in the family

ABSTRACT

Putative secrets have been investigated in the context of close romantic relationships, yet little work has examined how these secrets function in the family context. This mixed-methods study sought to examine family putative secret types, how these secrets are discovered, and the relational outcomes of learning these secrets. Participants (N = 214) completed a survey that asked about a current putative secret held by an immediate family member. Results revealed three putative secrets topics distinct to families (relationship ties, abortion, left school) and found “accidental discovery” to be the most common putative secret discovery method. Putative secrets that were highly negative made participants (putative secret perceivers) feel more distant, more hurt, and less satisfied with their relationship with the putative secret keeping family member. Practical implications are discussed as to how individuals and family counselors may implement these findings into practice.

KEYWORDS:

• Putative secrets
• privacy dilemmas
• discovery methods
• confrontation likelihood
• family communication

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Notes

1. There are valid conceptual debates as to whether secrecy and deception can (or should) be equated from a scholarly perspective. Some scholars have argued that secret-keeping is deceptive because any instance of withheld information is deception by definition. However, we position this work within the perspective of T. Afifi and her colleagues who argue that “such a conceptualization of deception would be so broad that it would mean that practically all interpersonal communication is deceptive … unless one has such an overly broad conceptualization of deception, there are numerous instances of secret-keeping that are not deceptive, per se” (T. D. Afifi et al., 2007, p. 65).

2. The putative secret definition shares similarities with O’Hari and Cody’s (1994) definition of collusion whereby an individual communicates deception with the knowledge that deception is occurring toward them.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Stephen M. Kromka

Stephen M. Kromka (Ph.D., West Virginia University, 2020) is an assistant professor of communication in the Department of Communication at the University of Tampa.

Megan R. Dillow

Megan R. Dillow (Ph.D, West Virginia University, 2006) is an associate professor in the Department of Communication Studies at West Virginia University.