Abstract
Treatment of people who have been trapped in long-term, sexually abusive relationships with health professionals or members of the clergy must include an understanding of the complex, intertwined factors involved and the survivor's feelings of intense shame, helplessness, and lack of confidence in their own judgment. Relatives and friends may have inadvertently intensified survivor's shame with questions and statements reflecting disbelief that victims did not realize they were being exploited. Similar incredulity of courts and inquiry boards demands that therapists, appearing on behalf of patients, are able to lay out how and why adults can be duped and used in this way. A clear and compelling explanation defuses the ever present specter of victim blaming. During the author's personal search for meaning and healing from such abuse, she sought out other survivors and read widely. Although the professional literature yielded nothing specific, a number of concepts began to make sense of our experiences and feeling like helpless puppets, convinced that our healing depended on the “helper,” and oblivious to the damage to our own interests, needs, values, self-esteem, and emotions. While there is no single explanation, ideas and thoughts that have explanatory value include Leonard Shengold's description of “soul murder,” writing and research on traumatic bonding, Judith Herman's theory of traumatic transference, attachment theory, Peter Rutter's thoughts about “sex in the forbidden zone,” issues in female socialization, and Marilyn Peterson's description of the 4 factors operating during boundary violations.