Abstract
One of the most stressful events for a helping professional who has been involved in sexual misconduct is disclosure of that misconduct to his or her spouse. Such disclosure usually precipitates a crisis in the relationship. Threats by the partner to leave are common, and fear of such threats may prevent disclosure. To determine whether fear of threats to leave is justified, this qualitative study investigated the outcome of such threats following disclosure of extramarital sexual behaviors by a subpopulation of persons with a compulsive sexual disorder; 24% were licensed health professionals, and 21% were other licensed professionals. An anonymous survey was returned by 102 such persons (89% male) and by 94 spouses, partners, or former partners (94.7% female). In most cases the extramarital sexual activities had been recurrent and long-standing, although secret, so that disclosure was particularly painful to the partners. Additionally, for some respondents, the initial disclosure was in the form of a legal action and was subsequently made public. A majority (60.2%) of the partners threatened to leave at the time of disclosure. Among persons who were still married when surveyed, only one-quarter (23.4%) of those who threatened actually separated for a time period. Most respondents emphasized that honesty was the foundation for an improved relationship. Based on their experience, the majority of both sexually compulsive persons (68.3%) and partners (81.4%) recommended disclosure. Threats to leave are seen as part of a process of coping with disclosure by partners rather than a realistic outcome for most couples in this population. Threats to leave the relationship in the aftermath of affairs or extramarital sexual activities are often not carried out, even when the betrayal has been extensive. Inpatient facilities and therapists in general are advised to assist the betrayed partner as well as the compulsive person with the disclosure as part of a process of healing. The spouses of sexually exploitative professionals are in particular need of counseling, as they have to deal with additional issues related to their community standing and expectations that they will support the professional publicly and hold the family together.