South Africa: problems and choices

Abstract

Before we try to change anyone else's thinking we should understand empathetically, their present perceptions. In any international conflict today what counts is how opposing parties see and feel the situation. Before dealing with a conflict anyone should put himself in the other party's shoes and carefully consider what is important to them.

In most conflicts parties look for a substantive solution as though conflicts were getting to be resolved once and for all. There are getting to be an endless stream of differences. The critical question lies not in the “answer” but in the process by which the parties pursue that answer. But answers to a conflict that are worked out by one party are not the answer. An imposed solution to a conflict is not a solution.

Whether the problem is a marriage, relations with a teen‐aged son, an international conflict or a new constitution, theory tells us that effective participation in joint decision‐making is more likely to succeed than any so‐called solution —no matter how wise —that is invented by one party alone. The problem in a conflict is not what is the answer but rather how do we best develop a collective process for developing an answer.