‘What are you looking for?’: a psychoanalytically oriented qualitative study of men’s compulsive use of internet pornography

Abstract

Internet pornography use is an extremely widespread human engagement. A minority of viewers finds it compelling and experience distress and/or functional impairment due to their use. There is a tension in how internet pornography is considered culturally; privately, it is approached and engaged with, publicly it is distanced from and rejected. Empirical research into this phenomenon has tended to shy away from exploring the underlying elements inherent in engaging with pornography online, perhaps mirroring this cultural tension. This study used a psychoanalytically oriented multi-interview method and analysis, with five men, to explore the intrapsychic dynamics underpinning their compulsive use of internet pornography. Three themes emerged from this data: ‘searching for something’, ‘holding it all in and then just explode’, and ‘two separate personas’. Emergent themes were linked to psychoanalytic concepts including Laplanche’s concept of the enigmatic signifier and the Kleinian concepts of the paranoid-schizoid and depressive positions. Clinical implications for working with compulsive users of internet pornography and pathways for future research are discussed.

Keywords:

• psychoanalytic interview
• internet pornography
• compulsive pornography use
• psychosexuality
• qualitative research

Introduction

Reviewing the literature in relation to compulsive use of internet pornography reveals a knowledge base concerned primarily with directly measurable, observable, and quantifiable aspects of the phenomenon. Empirical inquiry into the phenomenological perspective of the compulsive user, or the intrapychic and relational dynamics involved in such use, is lacking. Internet pornography is (mostly) viewed in private and alone. Watching pornography is commonly, but not always, accompanied by auto-erotic masturbation. In Western cultures at least, it is an extremely widespread human engagement. The world’s largest pornographic website was visited 42 billion times in 2019 (Pornhub Insights, 2020). What is found in the viewing of pornography that is so gripping for so many people? Why is something that is so frequently engaged with in private, concealed and disavowed by the user in public? What does our use of pornography, and the content of this pornography, reveal about the nature of human sexuality or psychosexual development?

There is an ambivalence that exists around pornography. While on the one hand, culture has arguably become increasingly ‘pornified’ (Paul, 2005), there is, on the other hand, a kind of distancing and rejection of this. The majority of people who use internet pornography do not experience problems as a result of its use. However, some users experience a compulsive cycle of online pornography use that significantly impacts their well-being (Rissel et al., 2017; Ross et al., 2012). While women are also consumers of internet pornography, including on occasion at a compulsive level, the literature indicates that a far greater proportion of men engage in such use (Rissel et al., 2017). One suggested explanation for this difference stems from Ogas and Gaddam (2012) meta-data study of online searches. They suggested that, on the whole, online searches for erotic material differ between men and women where desire in men is prompted by visual material, and desire in women is reportedly more emotionally focused or psychologically focused. In her clinical practice as a psychoanalytic psychotherapist, Wood (2017) anecdotally describes similar gender differences in the focus of the content engaged with. Various criteria for identifying problematic use of online pornography have been considered including, high levels of subjective distress (Sniewski et al., 2018; Wood, 2011), significant negative impact on psychosocial functioning (Schneider, 2003; Twohig et al., 2009), and time spent viewing (Cooper et al., 2000). While compulsive use of pornography is widely considered to be a clinical issue that reflects something problematic at the level of behavior or at the level of the person’s underlying psychological functioning, there is a lack of consensus on how to conceptualise this phenomenon.

One perspective that has developed in the literature frames this compulsion as a disorder. In this domain, compulsive use of online pornography is most frequently considered to be a behavioural addiction (Walton et al., 2017; Wéry & Billieux, 2017). There is a debate around diagnostic classification of what is taking place (De Alarcón et al., 2019). Several researchers have proposed criteria to define/diagnose dysfunctional engagement with online pornography (Carnes, 1991; Goodman, 1998; Kafka, 2013) with only three criteria being common among them: loss of control, excessive time spent in use, and negative consequences to self/others. Critics of the addiction model note that the theoretical research has poor experimental evidence, lack of model specification, and insufficient methodological rigour (Ley et al., 2014). This body of literature, and its concern with quantification, brain imaging, and measurable behaviour, may reflect a kind of defensive deadening or dampening of the excitement that is inherently involved in the use of online pornography.

Psychoanalytic approaches have often been concerned with recognizing important psychological strivings – instinctual, relational, etc. – that are inherent in what might otherwise be framed as a symptom or a disorder. Giugliano (2003) suggests that for some, symptoms of compulsive sexual behavior may be formed when the ego cannot contain the intensity of excess libidinal drive, and this energy does not find an appropriate outlet in sexual activity. The development of such compromise formations or found solutions is idiosyncratic and may be viewed as arising out of the individual’s unique personal life history. Some authors have framed compulsive use of online pornography as a perversion where the behavior acts as a defense from disturbances in object relations, or manages and conceals the anxieties and aggression that can occur in the context of intimacy (Wood, 2006). This idea is underpinned by Stoller’s (1975) conceptualization of a perversion as a sexual behaviour that is fixed, repetitive, and motivated by aggression. Contemporary psychodynamic perspectives on the perverse use of pornography are informed by Glasser’s (1979) core complex as an aid to understanding the development of the presenting problem (Wood, 2006). Glasser (1979) noted that this dynamic develops in early childhood and consists of a ‘pervasive longing for an intense and most intimate closeness to another person’ (Glasser, 1996, p. 279). He proposed that this longing for fusion with the primary caregiver is driven by a need for a feeling of safety; however, as the person approaches this state there is an experience of terror of losing the self, followed by a retreat to a safe distance and a desire to annihilate the threatening object. The perverse solution to this situation is to sexualize the aggression, hurt and control the object through sadism, and curtail the desire to destroy.

Drawing on Laufer’s (1976) idea of the central masturbation fantasy, which postulates that during adolescence the ‘content of the sexual wishes and the oedipal identifications become integrated into a … irreversible sexual identity’ (p. 4), Wood (2011), hypothesises that for the user, the sought-after pornographic material is an external realisation of the conscious sexual fantasy. Psychoanalytic thinkers (Wood, 2011; Zeavin, 2011) have compared this conscious sexual fantasy to the dream or symptom as framed by Freud across his work (e.g., Freud, 1900, 1916). This ‘undreamt dream’ (Zeavin, 2011) or ‘compelling scenario’ (Wood, 2006) is thought of as an externally realised tidied up representation of unconscious elements underlying the fantasy. It is suggested that this search for such an external representation is experienced as compelling.

Previous qualitative research and clinical case reports have explored immediate representations and clinicians’ interpretations of the experience of compulsive use of internet pornography using single interview methodologies (Schneider, 2003; Ševčíková et al., 2018; Zitzman & Butler, 2005). However, there remains a gap in our understanding of the behaviour from the subjective experience of the men who engage in such use. This study aims to use a psychoanalytic research methodology to deepen our understanding of the internal experience of these men, the distress they experience in the context of their developmental and relational life experiences, and how such understandings could inform psychological interventions.

Method

Design

This study used a qualitative research design within a psychoanalytically oriented framework that was informed in part by the psychoanalytic interview research method (Cartwright, 2004; Holmes, 2013). The following assumptions were drawn from this research method and informed the present research. It was assumed that the interviewer and interviewee co-constructed meaning and that the interviews were not a means of finding out a positivist ‘truth’ but about facilitating the creation of a narrative that corresponded to important elements of the intrapsychic life of the person interviewed. Another assumption of this method was that the associative nature of the material elicited during interview (e.g., tone of voice changing in association with certain material or how certain things are described) may suggest intrapsychic or latent processes related to that material and that understanding this can reveal an underlying structure. Another assumption is that inchoate transference-countertransference impressions can be used to evaluate and understand the material gathered during the psychoanalytic interviews. By attending closely to the discrete feeling states that arose during the course of the interviews, the researcher accessed further information or knowledge about the intrapsychic or internal world of the interviewee.

This approach attends to relational and intrapsychic dynamics, both conscious and unconscious, that arose during the three separate interviews with individual participants. A focus was placed on allowing latent associative material to come forth by creating an ‘imaginal space’. It is assumed that by encouraging relatively free association, significant material may emerge beyond what may be accessed in a more structured and formal interview approach. As part of the research design, the interviewer attended regular individual and group supervision sessions during the course of the research. This supervision allowed a space for reflection upon the content and processing of the data that emerged during interviews in the context of psychoanalytic theory.

Ethics

Ethical approval for the study was received from The School of Psychology Research Ethics Committee, Trinity College Dublin, the academic institution attended by the researcher. The study met all requirements for ethical approval, including having an identified path for participants to seek psychological support should they identify this as a need. None of the men interviewed sought further signposting or onward referral.

Participants

Participants were recruited through an online article that was published in a national internet news publication. The article reported a brief overview of the aim of the study. Interested men were invited to contact the researcher directly to express interest in taking part or ask further questions about the study. Following the publication of this article, 26 men emailed the researcher and expressed interest. These men were then sent the information sheet directly and were explicitly asked to read about the research before agreeing to take part. Potential participants were engaged in brief email correspondence and it was requested that they respond to the email to express their continued interest if they reached the criteria for engaging in the study and if they were still interested in taking part. The information sheet clearly stated that participants qualified to take part if they considered their use of internet pornography to be compulsive, that their use caused them or other people around them distress, and it interfered with their ability to live life in the manner they wished. The information sheet also stated that they are qualified to take part in the study if they engaged in compulsive use of internet pornography for 11 hours or more per week (approximately 1.5 hours per day). Through this process, a cross-sectional sample of five men over the age of 18, who self-identified as experiencing personal distress and/or functional impairment as a result of compulsive use of internet pornography, were recruited to participate in three interviews. Participants gave written consent. Participants were assigned pseudonyms to maintain anonymity and were as follows: Arthur (37), Barry (46), Colin (43), Damian (45), and Eoin (26). All participants reported that they felt compelled to view pornography and that this had a significant impact on their psychological well-being or their adaptive functioning. Two of the participants reported accessing individual psychological support in this regard in the past. These two participants also reported having previously attended organisations that help people with this difficulty within an addiction framework. Four participants attended all three research interviews. One participant chose to attend two research interviews. In keeping with the orientation of the research, non-verbal data including attendance/non-attendance was considered in the analysis and informed the themes as they emerged.

Procedure

Participants were interviewed at Trinity College Dublin on multiple occasions, in the same interview room. In the room, there were two chairs and each interview was recorded on an encrypted digital audio device. Where possible, the interviews were conducted over three consecutive weeks. Each interview was 50 min in duration. The structure of the interviews was partly informed by Cartwright’s (2004) proposed recommendations for carrying out psychoanalytic interviews. The interviews began with the researcher orienting the participant to the phenomenon being studied. The first and second interviews allowed the participant space to freely associate to this phenomenon. Guide questions were available for use if required. The third interview allowed for a more direct approach using questions or reflections if required for clarification or to explore any noticeable gaps in the interviewee’s narrative. As such, there was a partial replication of the psychoanalytic therapeutic context, bringing the wisdom of that tradition into the research frame (e.g., boundaried interview space and time, opportunity for free association, etc.).

Analysis

Analysis of the data was multi-layered and psychoanalytically informed. Therefore, the data included both verbal (i.e., what was said) and non-verbal elements (i.e., the emotional tone/manner of speech/body language) that arose during the interviews. Particular attention was given to any areas of tension or contradiction in what was being communicated. The researcher remained cognisant of researcher reflexivity and the impact this can have on the research process and the material coming through (Holmes, 2013). The researcher engaged in an active process of thinking about the person and the states of mind the interviews aroused. Immediately after each interview, the researcher noted the states of mind elicited or experienced in a reflective journal. The analysis also took place under supervision with a psychoanalytically trained academic supervisor, where elements of each interview were brought to individual supervision. The same supervisor also facilitated regular group supervision with a small group.

The data collected were engaged with immersively and iteratively. The researcher listened to the audio-recordings of the interviews a number of times, transcribed the spoken content, and identified themes that emerged from the narratives of the participants. Responses that arose for the researcher during this process were also recorded in a reflective journal. In line with the suggestions for engaging with qualitative data psychoanalytically (Cartwright, 2004), the researcher focused on feeling states that arose for both parties during the interviews, searched for core narratives, and explored object relations/identifications. The temporal nature of the multiple interviews added another layer of analysis. The researcher attended to the development of the interpersonal relationship and changes in the interviewees positions over time. The researcher re-listened to the audio recordings, re-read the transcripts, and re-read the reflective journal. These interpretations, in turn, were noted in the reflective journal. The researcher used supervision as a support to maintain reflexivity and to understand their perspective as just one of the multiple available explanations. Reflection during individual and group supervision also provided a further layer of analysis of the data and informed the themes as they emerged. By attending closely to the inchoate transference-countertransference impressions that arose during the course of the interviews, the researcher attempted to access information or knowledge about the intrapsychic or internal world of the interviewee. These impressions further informed the exploration of the data described above.

Results

The article in the national online publication accrued over 19,000 views and prompted an excited and almost immediate response from potential participants. Within a number of hours, 26 individuals had contacted the researcher to express their interest, far exceeding availability. The participants who were interviewed reported traumatic life experiences during their development including exposure to physical violence and abuse, relational conflict, adoption, parental alcoholism, warfare, marital breakdown, and parental death during childhood. These participants variously described parental figures as absent, unloving, rejecting, or terrifying.

Two participants noted being witness to or aware of their parents having extramarital sexual activity from a young age. These participants described being drawn into maintaining the secrecy of these affairs either implicitly or explicitly. All participants spoke about the impact that pornography had on either their intimate relationships with their partners or with their ability to connect with potential partners. Erectile dysfunction and difficulty with the maintenance of erections was frequently noted.

In the participants’ narratives, pornography was frequently imbued with potent characteristics; it was described as powerful, dangerous, and capable of destruction. There was a sense that pornography was pervasive and inescapable. They described it as unavoidable – that it was freely shared among their friend groups through messaging applications or they came in contact with it through advertisements on non-pornographic download websites. Three individuals described attempts to limit their access through physical or digital barriers. Most of these attempts were unsuccessful. For the men, this seemed to reinforce the sense that pornography was an unstoppable and ever-present force to be contended with.

From the multiple interviews with each participant, three main themes emerged, and are presented below. The themes are titled ‘searching for something’, ‘holding it all in and then just explode’, and ‘two separate personas’.

Theme 1: ‘searching for something’

This theme speaks to a sense of confusion, exasperation, and frustration that the men described in their various searches. These searches were apparent both on and offline. There was a sense across participants that they were searching for something specific while using pornography, and that this would be ultimately satisfying. Some of the men described spending decades in their searches for ‘it’, without being able to fully articulate what ‘it’ was. Some had a sense that they were searching for perfection. Others did not know what exactly they were searching for. Paradoxically, despite years of their efforts being in vain, there remained a sense that whatever they were searching for could and would be found. Even within the context of the research interviews, the men described being uncertain why they came, but being aware that they were looking for something from the process.

Colin spoke about being aware from an early age that he had been adopted in the first few weeks of life. As an adult, he described a search for his birth mother for many years that ultimately ended in frustration. During this search, he was given notes documenting his time in the orphanage made by those who had cared for him until he was adopted. The notes hinted at an infant searching for something – ‘[they] still had records of my feeding schedule right, bizarrely kept them … . Apparently I was a horse back then … I’d be crying for more bottles and stuff, shit like this you know’. During his interviews, Colin repeatedly returned to his experience of compulsive use of pornography as a tantalizing yet frustrating endeavour. He spoke about frequently finding himself ‘stuck in a loop’ where he was searching for some particular material without really knowing ‘what [he was] really looking for’. This frustration appeared to culminate in his narrative when he noted that despite his searching, he knew he ‘won’t find it anyway, but … you’re still looking and you go back to the places you started where you didn’t find it’.

From a young age Arthur had an awareness of his father’s infidelity with multiple au pairs who lived in the family home at various times. As a child, Arthur had a close relationship with one of these au pairs whom he described as ‘my second mother’. He noted how, many years later, he searched for her extensively online, made contact, and travelled internationally to meet her. He spoke about how during this visit he asked this woman about his father’s infidelity. He noted that ‘… she was able to confirm a lot’ of what he had suspected as a child. He went on to ask whether she had had sex with his father to which she replied – ‘no I didn’t … but he did try’. While attempting to account for his compulsive use of pornography, Arthur exasperatedly noted – ‘I don’t even know what I’m looking for anymore … . And I think the reason that I do continue porn … is different from why I started … I don’t know’.

The men spoke about having a conscious awareness that despite searching for ‘it’ so many times, and intellectually knowing they wouldn’t find ‘it’, the search continued. This confused state was mirrored on several occasions when the men tried to explain how they actually felt about pornography and how they understood their compulsion. As they did so, several of their narratives became confusing and lacked coherence. This appeared to result in a break in their ability to think things through – ‘I’ve been trying to think is it all arousal or em … and I don’t think it is for me em … I think it’s a confusion a bit as well. As I’m talking about it I am just confused by it’. On multiple occasions, the men reported losing their train of thought as they attempted to offer a cogent explanation – ‘And perhaps I suppose get off to pornography but I suppose em … the bit that’s in my head about eh … . I lost my train of thought …’. In the room, the researcher experienced a difficulty remaining in contact with the participants as they spoke about these things. During the transcription of these narrative segments, the researcher experienced a sense of their mind as being full or blank, which impinged on their ability to think.

Eoin spoke about his personal search for external problems to solve rather than attending to self-perceived blockages to personal development

I did form all of these political ideologies and political thoughts in my head it’s very difficult to move away from that, it’s not, not an easy thing to do and, in many ways it can actually kind of stump your maturity.

In discussing the development of his sexuality, he suggested a similar process occurred and felt that pornography had offered him a ‘solution to something’ to which there ‘isn’t necessarily a clear and obvious solution’. Eoin noted that ‘porn makes you brain dead basically, it stops you thinking … even your fantasies’. Later, in the interview, he described a confusion of his fantasies with dreams

So when your dreams become porn and, and I mean like quite literally some days not being able to think of something else ever other … that just reflects in your … in your conscious dreams now … And all you can think of is what you’ve immediately seen … it’s almost like you’ve stopped dreaming.

The researcher found it challenging to follow this narrative and was left himself with a sense of confusion.

Theme 2: ‘holding it all in and then just explode’

This theme explores the tension arising from two prominent feeling states/states of mind that were present in the participants’ narratives. These two states of mind were, on the one hand, feelings of anger, aggression, hatred, and power; on the other, feelings of smallness, fear, vulnerability, weakness, and powerlessness. These competing atmospheres were identified by examining both the narrative and nonverbal material presented. This tension was observed in how the participants engaged with the interview process. It appeared that each of the participants approached the interviews with one of these postures. At times, Barry asked questions of the interviewer, and cut across him as he provided an answer. Another participant highlighted the interviewers position as a trainee clinical psychologist, describing him as a ‘potential psychologist’, while in the same interview stating his own high status in his occupation. Damian brought his first interview to an end in a manner experienced by the interviewer as a cutting announcement – ‘That’s it, I think I’ve spoken enough for today’. He rescheduled his final interview, which he did not attend. He did not respond to a contact from the researcher for a follow-up. Conversely, other individuals seemed to take a protective/fearful posture in the interviewer/interviewee relationship. They identified concerns that they were providing the material the interviewer required for his needs, and repeatedly stated that they were fearful they were not.

The researcher identified anger, frustration, and aggression when participants described their personal histories, the circumstances of their lives at present, and their interpersonal relationships. The men appeared reticent to articulate this anger overtly. However, the researcher sensed from their manner of engagement that there was an unexpressed or latent aggression present. While the experience of anger was explicitly articulated by some participants – ‘I feel like I’ll scream or I’ll smash something up’ – others consciously downplayed their anger in relation to life experiences or relational dynamics. In an attempt to do so, many of the men maintained a narrative focus on the positive aspects of the self: the good nature of their personality, their journey of positive change, their attempts to reduce their pornography use, or personal achievements. Some seemed to minimize the impact of difficult life events and suggested that they had psychologically processed these experiences. This emphasis on the positive was belied by veiled mentions of aggression, conflict, violence and hatred toward others, most frequently women in their lives.

Usually, you’re tired or usually you’re angry pissed off, or … she, whoever she may be, has said something to you … —Eoin

I’m not livid but I’m actually very angry that she made that phone call and I haven’t really dealt with that and I don’t know how to approach my wife with that considering everything that’s going on.—Damian

The men’s anger was also evidenced through their use of violent, aggressive, or destructive language during the interviews. These emotional states were also reflected through the tone in which they spoke about others throughout their narratives. Barry spoke about finding it difficult to reflect upon a previous relationship for more than 5 minutes, noting that he gets extremely angry when he does so. As he described this, he ‘bared his teeth’ and accompanied this facial gesture with a non-verbal utterance. This apparently reflexive facial expression seemed to indicate hostility and a readiness to fight, reflecting the presence of anger, just below the surface.

All of those interviewed reported experiencing feelings of smallness, weakness, or vulnerability during their development and/or at the time of interview. A number of individuals made connections between their feelings of vulnerability when younger and an underlying current of anger. The researcher felt this unexpressed or unprocessed anger saturated the narrative of many of the participants. Colin made such a connection when reflecting on his adoption as an infant ‘… that was something that I often took into my head oh Jesus, I was abandoned … I took that to a negative, that was part of the hate as well’. Barry depicted memories of life in the family home as terrifying. He recalled his relationship with his father stating – ‘He’s my hero. I was fucking terrified of him. Absolutely terrified of him’. Barry compared his experience in the family home to ‘children who are child fighters’ who would ‘have only seen violence and anger’. He noted coping similarly to these children, by striving to ‘be the bull and to be the alpha from a young age’. Arthur described feelings of intense loneliness during his adolescence, when his mother, who had previously relied on him greatly for emotional support, was no longer available to him – ’That was obviously something that my mam needed, but because it went on for so long I felt very isolated’. Eoin reported that when he was engaging in porn use he felt emasculated and weak – ‘a lot of men do perceive me as being weak, I’m not going to deny it em … because I, you know, have failed to, to kick the habit fully, and it’s not just because, because porn, it’s because of everything.’. Both Arthur and Eoin expressed anger about these experiences of feeling lonely and weak.

The men spoke about their use of pornography as being a way of managing difficult emotions including feelings of anger, frustration, and aggression. Barry described a history of relationships with women that were characterised by both aggression and sexuality. Speaking about these two drives, he described how ‘they complement each other … 50% aggressive, 50% passion … so, we would have lots of passion but straight away followed by a desert of anger and aggression and dare I say violence’. He queried whether he now made use of pornography as a means of funnelling away his anger/aggression so that it did not spill into a current, more settled relationship – ‘I’ve evolved a small bit … I can do without the passionate sex if the relationship is somewhat healthier. I can watch porn … if I want that, passionate, dirty sex … Whereas I’ll sacrifice that for a normal healthy relationship’. Colin noted that in the past, while having sex and under the influence of alcohol, he began to ‘… act out what I was seeing on the internet with my partner. And she wasn’t comfortable with that … . She didn’t know … she just thought it’s drink and it’s making you angry’. This provided Colin with the impetus to seek professional support around his compulsive porn use and emotional distress. When he did so, he noticed emotional states that he ‘… had consciously tried to stop … came bubbling up’, which resulted in him starting to ‘get angry’. Colin went on to describe this as a period where ‘for the first time in a long time … I think I started to feel’.

Over the course of the interviews, participants talked of being more able to openly discuss their anger both with the interviewer, and with others in their lives. Arthur described how following the first two interviews, he opened up to others about his use of pornography – ‘from never talking about of it, to all of a sudden there was three people in quite quick succession who I spoke to about it’. Arthur informed the interviewer of other changes that had occurred over the course of the interviews. He had noticed a significant reduction in the amount of time per day that he viewed pornography. He had also noticed a number of instances where he had openly expressed his anger rather than hold it inside – ‘I said no, I said I’m sorry there’s reasonable and there’s unreasonable and I’m not taking that and we had a huge row over it’.

Theme 3: ‘two separate personas’

This theme explores a sense of a duality that emerged during the interviews. This duality was observed across a number of dimensions. For most participants, their use of pornography itself was described as a split-off, secret activity that was concealed from their partners or families. All the participants spoke about two distinct elements to their personalities in contrast with one another, most frequently in relation to their use of pornography. This dynamic was seen to be mirrored throughout many of their narratives. Statements made were frequently contradicted, sometimes within the same passage of speech, sometimes across time points/interviews. A toxic/intoxicating narrative emerged in how the men spoke about how they felt about pornography. At different time points across interviews, each of the participants described being extremely excited by the pornography they viewed – ‘I remember probably the first time that I seen a blue movie … it was mind-blowing for me’, while at other times describing it as bad or ‘toxic’ for them – ‘I see pornography as an evil’.

Arthur described himself as having always been ‘straight laced’, noting ‘all of the stuff that I do, it’s always the good boy’. His viewing of pornography in public spaces – at work or on the train – was extremely exciting to him. Doing this ‘something bold’ elicited excitement and a space for ‘bad elements’. This tension was heightened for Arthur when he spoke about ethical and moral concerns he held in relation to pornography, those who make the pornography, and those who act in it – ‘As a consumer of that I’m part of the problem’. On a number of occasions during the interview process, Arthur stated that he was not interested in pornography depicting aggressive sex, group sex, or violence – ‘I get so angry at the idea that an image could flash on the screen of someone being aggressively treated or degraded … because I have a major, major problem with that sort of stuff’. When describing his viewing, he spoke about compulsively logging onto a website featuring amateur pornography and scrolling through the thumbnails. While the website in question does host amateur content, it also has content from a wide range of genres. Inevitably, as he compulsively scrolled through this content, he encountered the pornography that distresses/bothers him.

Colin describes his compulsion towards the use of pornography in terms of a dynamic tension between two parts of himself

one part of you wants to go over there and do the worst stuff, and the other part is going this is not me, what are you doing, why am I doing this to myself … a big internal battle you know

In a later interview, as Colin explained the function pornography has served in his life there was an error in his speech/parapraxis that perhaps exposed this ‘either/or’ tension – ‘that’s how I used to be and porn came in on top of that and like, not, not, not nurturing in any way shape or form a numbing, it helped numb’.

Damian spent years viewing internet pornography and engaging in BDSM/Kink/Fetish communities online for a number of hours each day. He had begun to engage in this before he met his wife, who remained unaware of his interest for over 10 years. Damian described manipulating time so that he could be online

you know I was trying to get out of work early to try and get to these places, I was lying at home, I wasn’t sleeping, I would finish a night shift and instead of going to bed I would spend 3 to 4 hours on these websites when … I should have been in bed.

From his narrative, Damian appeared to have had two parallel lives running alongside one another, over an extended period of time – ‘… there’s kinda like two sides, Jekyll and Hyde situation and … your one face for your family and friends the other side is so different’. Reflecting on this dynamic, Damian noted how exhausting it was for him – ‘it was horrible, you know when I look back I’d have been wrecked’.

Eoin’s narrative suggested a tension between how things were for him and how he felt things should be. He wished to live in a ‘fantasy land’ where ‘people are a lot nicer than they are’. He described hoping for a long time that he would live ‘where the world around me would change and that, you know … I could be part of that world’. At times, he found himself getting lost in pornography use for long periods of time and experienced a disconnect from the present

I mean last week … just for a day it really did control my life, I could not think of anything else other than looking at a screen, being effectively dead to the world, unable to manage your own shit, unable to manage what’s going on in front of you.

In a statement about his physical appearance when he was at the height of his use of pornography, he recalled – ‘I remember I was 26 stone, age 20, morbidly obese and I didn’t think I was fat, I genuinely didn’t think I was fat’. This disconnection, fantasy versus reality, was again reminiscent of the duality running through the narratives of the men.

Discussion

This study used a psychoanalytically informed qualitative research methodology to explore the experience of men who felt compelled to view pornography. Three core themes emerged from the verbal and non-verbal material presented. While reported as three discreet themes, they were in reality interdependent. It is recognised that the creation and analysis of these themes is a reflection of the researchers interpretation of the material and his theoretical position. The themes presented a picture of conflict, confusion, searching, and longing. There was a sense that the men were ‘at a loss’, frustrated from lack of understanding, and in a state of psychical pain. Alongside this sense of exasperation, as if partially split off, the men presented complex and rich narrative accounts of difficult historical life experiences and interpersonal relationships. For the men, across interview time-points, there appeared to be an emergent awareness of an underlying meaning connecting their narrative with their compulsive experiences.

The theme ‘searching for something’ speaks to the exasperating searches the men engaged in. It also highlights the confusion and perhaps futility inherent in engaging in a search for something that has not clearly been defined. This sense echoes Laplanche’s conceptual pathway for the evolution of psychosexuality during infancy, where the ‘enigma’ arises from the frustrated non-sexual excitement experienced by the child at points of object loss. The unconscious seduction of the infant by the mother leaves them with a sense of unreachable meaning (Laplanche, 1995; Laplanche & Pontalis, 1968). At this boundary, sexuality arises from non-specific instinctive excitements converted to auto-erotic experiences in the context of desire for the lost object. While this enigmatic sense of mystery may permeate human sexuality universally (Fonagy, 2008), for the men in this study, their longing, and search for a sense of certainty in this realm, is felt to be both compelling and distressing. In contrast to the enigmatic, internet pornography delivers exactly what is expected of it (Cole, 2011). With internet pornography, there is no frustration, there is no need to wait, and there are no surprises. In this way, it is akin to the ‘fantasmatic mother’ of earliest infancy (Cole, 2011). Perhaps the compelling draw of internet pornography, in part, for the men is that it allows them to access this fantasy space where the frustrations of the human condition are suspended. This assuaging of frustration in the moment is in stark contradiction to the pervasive experience of unfulfillment and dissatisfaction that emerged in this theme, perhaps leading to the compulsive repetition of a search that frustrates.

Another perspective on this theme as it emerged from the participant’s narratives is that through pornography they search for ‘the compelling scenario’ (Wood, 2006, 2011) or the ‘undreamt dream’ (Zeavin, 2011). Pornography for the men interviewed seemed to act as a means of simplifying the complex, or as a means of dampening their engagement with their subconscious. This may make sense in the context of the externally realised fantasy. The individual does not need to go through the psychic work of analysing or making sense of the complex psychological meaning behind their erotic fantasy (Zeavin, 2011). This reduction in tension may be highly alluring. Drawing on Bion’s (1962) theory of thinking framework, Galatzer-Levy (2012) contends that compulsive use of internet pornography may equate to overwhelming β-elements and the formation of a β-screen. This β-screen becomes a potent defence against having to face personal meanings of erotic or non-erotic wishes. For the men in the study, it is possible that these elements remain unprocessed, the search for the compelling scenario continues, and development is arrested.

The theme ‘holding it all in and then just explode’ highlights the strong sense of anger, frustration, and aggression the men experienced. This aggressive state of mind was juxtaposed throughout the interviews with feelings of smallness and vulnerability. From their reported early developmental and relational experiences, it is perhaps understandable that the men developed a sense of vulnerability, smallness, powerlessness, and fear. This internal experience of smallness or vulnerability appeared to be intolerable, and seemed to contribute to their sense of anger and frustration. Even as they spoke about the intense emotions aroused during these life events, their destructive impulses remained unarticulated. This may have reflected the process described where, as infants or children, they did not have the space and/or the reflective capacity to express this frustration.

For the men, aggression and sexuality in their narrative seemed inextricably linked. The men alluded to the fact that the pornography they chose to view, or came in contact with through their use, depicted aggression towards women. The common pornographic dynamic of a powerful figure (usually male) being aggressive towards a vulnerable figure (usually female) hints at the two poles of experience observed during the interviews. Perhaps this dynamic tension between poles as found in pornography is an external representation of a latent internal experience. The vulnerable female may psychically contain the vulnerabilities latent for the men. Stoller (1975) suggests that in the perversions, the material fixated upon, may serve to assuage feelings of inferiority and vulnerability. By placing themselves (in fantasy through watching pornography) in a position of superiority, the men may ‘triumph’ over their traumatic experiences. Stoller (1975) describes perversion as an erotic form of hatred. By sexualising aggressive impulses, the aggression is felt to be safe and concealed. The core complex dynamic (Glasser, 1979) suggests that this aggression arises out of frustration during separation within early relationships. The participant’s narratives suggested that they had experienced ruptures in their relationship to significant others at various developmental stages, which they experienced as profound. Following Colin’s cessation of pornography use, he found himself becoming angry and emotional. Barry felt that through watching pornography, he could keep his aggressive urges separate from his current relationship. Over the course of the interviews, Arthur described a reduction in his use of pornography and an increase in conflict within his marriage. It is suggested that pornography and its use functioned for these men as a container of their unarticulated aggressive impulses. This is reflective of Wood’s (2006) observation in her practice that online sex or internet pornography use always functioned, at least in part, as a means of expressing sadistic impulses toward the other.

The final theme ‘two separate personas’ highlights tension presented in the verbal and non-verbal materials that suggested a duality of experience. For the men things appeared to be split. This duality was interpreted as occurring across multiple levels of analysis. Pornography itself was viewed by the men as either extremely exciting or a toxic evil. Participants swung between these perspectives frequently, often within single interview narratives and/or across time points. In relation to their use of pornography, the men also identified a tension between two parts of themselves, the part that used pornography and the part that did not. These parts appeared to represent good aspects of the self and bad aspects of the self. Arthur identified pornography use as a space for ‘bad elements’ that contrasted with his usual ‘good boy’ nature. Colin’s parapraxis while describing pornography resulted in him naming it as an object that both nurtures and numbs. This ‘binary splitting’ is reflective of the paranoid-schizoid position (Klein, 1946, 1952). The men may project feelings of love or hate separately into pornography where it is experienced as either; the ‘bad breast’ – a space for the projection/introjection of hate, frustration, and persecution, or the ‘good breast’ – a space for the projection/introjection of gratification, excitement, and aliveness. In this way, the men’s destructive emotions are kept separate from the more positively experienced aspects of the self. This tendency towards disintegration rather than integration suggests a historical impingement on the participants working through of the depressive position (Klein, 1946, 1952).

These transient states of mind, where the men relate in a schizoid manner, are perhaps reflective of the medium of pornography itself. Cole (2011) reflects upon pornography as being ‘antierotic’ in that it fails to bring things together but ‘keeps them apart and in pieces’. Drawing on the idea that eroticism stems from transposing oneself into a state of mind that is felt to be the other’s (Stein, 1998; Target, 2015), Fonagy (2008) argues that sexual pleasure is derived from a projective identification in the other and ‘is perhaps experienced by finding and possessing the pleasure of the other through taking momentary control of their thoughts and feelings’ (p. 20). From this perspective, in normal psychosexuality it is essential for mutual sexual pleasure that a person’s mind is open to the projection of the other (Fonagy, 2008). Paranoid anxieties or schizoid defences may be the antithesis of the state of mind required for this mutual sexual pleasure within the context of an intimate relationship. It is possible that pornography by its nature encourages schizoid ways of relating to the other. This may explain, in part, why the men reported that their compulsive use of pornography had a devastating effect on intimacy within their relationships.

There are several practical implications for clinical practice that stem from this research. Despite the high levels of distress the men were experiencing, they described difficulties in accessing appropriate publicly funded mental health services. These difficulties were identified as both external (i.e., how the men were engaged with in services) and internal (i.e., feeling states that impacted their capacity to bring this difficulty to services). Two of the participants reported that they had previously attended psychological support services and noted that sexuality or sexual issues were not raised or explored in sessions by their clinician. It is important to highlight that psycho-sexuality is an integral aspect of each client’s life and should be considered in the therapeutic context. Clients may find it challenging to raise these sensitive topics with psychotherapists/psychologists and so this area needs to be explicitly explored during the assessment phase of engagement, which may in turn allow clients to come forward with related issues.

Interview data suggested that the men felt it would be challenging to be initially assessed by a female psychologist, with a number of the participants reporting that they would be too ashamed to speak candidly about their behaviour with a woman. As such, regardless of therapist gender, it is likely to be extremely important to have achieved a strong therapeutic alliance prior to deeply exploring pornography use and the meaning it may hold for the user. The shame that was noted was also described as a barrier to sharing their experience with possible sources of support in their lives: wives, partners, or friends. Two of the men described a longing to share this difficulty with important people in their lives, while at the same time, holding a concern about whether this could be tolerated or contained within the relationship. One individual also described experiencing a guilt for recommencing compulsive use of internet pornography after a period of time where he had stopped such use.

The shame and guilt that the men described resulted in secrecy and a ‘hiding away’ of the behaviour they were engaged in. This has implications for clinical practice and clinicians working with those who compulsively use internet pornography. By being aware of this dynamic, the practising clinician can be alert to the possibility that their client may not be fully disclosing the frequency, intensity, or the material content of that with which they are engaging. Having this awareness may allow the clinician to sensitively explore their client’s use in a way that is de-shaming, normalising, and empathic. For the clinician working with the compulsive user of pornography, being aware that the client may be experiencing shame may allow for the consideration of a therapeutic intervention that incorporates treatment of shame.

Conclusion

Broad themes emerged from this psychoanalytically informed qualitative inquiry into the experiences of men who compulsively viewed internet pornography. These included, ambivalence in how the men related, a reluctance to make meaning out of their erotic and non-erotic impulses and wishes, and attempts to conceal feelings of anger and protect against feelings of vulnerability. Disentangling the complex interaction between human sexuality and intrapsychic fantasy at the interface of internet pornography is beyond the scope of this paper. Findings from this research leave us with further questions to explore. However, it is hoped that these themes suggest points of departure from which clinicians can begin the journey of thinking through and making meaning with their clients of their compulsive use of pornography. It is important to highlight that this investigation drew data from a small sample of individuals with a focus on deeply personal narratives and idiosyncratic developmental pathways. Similarly, the interpretation of the verbal and non-verbal data, including countertransference interpretations, comes from the perspective of the researcher and the thinking that took place in the context of the supervisory context. In this way, the material identified may have emerged at the cost of other unconscious material. Attempts were made to curb this impact through ongoing reflection, and through individual and group supervision. This research focused on men who identified this as an issue impacting their lives. It may be useful for future research to explore the experiences of women who compulsively use internet pornography and the latent meaning they attach to its use, using a similar method and analysis.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest is reported.