‘Should I or Should I Not’?: an exploration of South Asian youth's resistance to cultural deviancy

Abstract

Being and belonging to a South Asian family in Canada does not come without struggles. One theme that has consistently dominated the literature on South Asian immigrant families is the competing cultural value systems that exist between the East (heritage country) and the West (host country). The two cultural scripts adhere to contradictory lifestyle scripts, especially with respect to social and sexual aspects of life. In an individualistic host country, like Canada, things such as dating and sexuality are much more accepted and normalised. These same social endeavours in collectivistic South Asian cultures, where social controls such as family, culture, religion and community dominate decision-making, are stigmatised. In South Asian cultures, these activities are considered culturally deviant because they pose a direct threat to the honour of the family. Using semi-structured interviews, the goal of this study is twofold: first, to uncover the intimate relationship realities of South Asian youth; and second, to understand why some South Asian youth resist cultural deviancy by applying Travis Hirschi's Social Bond Theory. A quantitative and qualitative analysis of the data revealed four themes that help explain why some participants avoided dating relationships and/or sexual activities, which include attachment to others/affection, commitment to conventional lines of action, involvement in conventional activities, belief system and lack of opportunity.

Keywords::

• South Asian youth
• sexuality
• family honour
• cultural deviancy
• Travis Hirschi's Social Bond Theory
• dating

Introduction

In accordance with recent census data, 40% of Canada's permanent residents are first- or second-generation immigrants (Statistics Canada, 2011b). The South Asian population, in particular, has grown exponentially with approximately 1.3 million Canadians tracing their traditions and heritage to South Asian countries such as Pakistan, Kashmir, Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Maldives, Nepal, Tibet and Sri Lanka where religious denominations such as Islam, Hinduism, Christianity or Sikhism are particularly prevalent (Fleras & Elliot, 2003). With South Asian immigrants constituting a sizable portion of the immigrant population (Statistics Canada, 2010), it becomes especially important to explore their immigrant cultural experiences.

The cultural dilemmas, differences and demands the South Asian youth are confronted with when exposed to competing cultural value systems of the East (i.e. heritage country) and the West (i.e. host country) become relevant to explore. Specifically, the question of ‘should I or should I not’ is an ongoing dialogue that South Asian youth face and negotiate each day in the arena of personal and social affairs. This exploratory research aims to shed light on the often very ‘hush-hush’ topic of dating and sexual intimacy as it relates to resistance to cultural deviancy.3 Previous analyses of this study's data have indicated that the majority of the South Asian youth were involved in culturally deviant activities by engaging in intimate cross-gender relationships4 to varying degrees. What we have not explored, however, is the resistance to cultural deviancy by the minority of participants; or simply put, why some South Asian youth chose not to deviate from the culturally prescribed norms of the heritage country, as well as parental and/or cultural expectations. As a result, this research addresses the question, why do some South Asian youth resist cultural deviancy?

The cultural value systems of the East and the West are quite distinct and entertain very different lifestyle scripts (Shariff, 2008). There are three significant points of divergence that are especially relevant for South Asian youth living in Canada. The first is the difference in the very foundation of each culture. Western individualistic cultures value independence, individuality and individualism. These cultures prioritise the needs and desires of the individual, and eventually the family unit formed by the individual, above those of the family of origin. The role of parents in the West is to teach children to make their own decisions and use ‘good judgement’, and to support them in developing increasing independence from the family of origin. Individual needs and desires are expected not to be ignored but to be given due consideration and may, in fact, be prioritised over any competing needs and desires of the parents (Dodd, 1973; Wakil, Siddique, & Wakil, 1981; Zaidi & Shuraydi, 2002). In stark contrast, Triandis (1995) identifies collectivistic cultures, such as those found within Pakistan and India, as having a strong presence of family ties. Here, according to Wardak (2000), the family structure and function dominate any other relationship. Any decision, big or small, is discussed by family members and is always seen in light of how it may affect significant others (Ayyub, 2000), as well as the ‘biraderi’ or the social network of community relationships (Wardak, 2000, p. 61). The collectivistic tradition prioritises the needs, values and expectations of the family of origin above those of any one family member (Huisman, 1996). Individual family members are not considered independent of the family unit. Moreover, certain actions and/or behaviours, especially those of women, shape and speak directly to the honour and reputation of the family (Ayyub, 2000; Dodd, 1973; Weiss, 1994). According to Wardak (2000, 2002, p. 217), cultural (i.e. mosque) and social institutions (i.e. family) are ‘social control’ mechanisms that ‘play a central role in maintaining tradition as well as moral and social order’ within South Asian families. The goal of this intense policing via community and family members is to ensure that family honour or ‘izzet’ is maintained at all costs (Wardak, 2000).

The second difference between Western and Eastern cultures is regarding gender socialisation. As Wardak (2000, p. 66) states, it becomes imperative for immigrant families ‘to socialize their children to their own values, norms, and beliefs in a Western culture’. From childhood, South Asian youth, especially women, are socialised by parents about the cultural and religious traditions, as well as the gendered expectations of their heritage culture. Inscribed gender relations and class structures help mould and modify each individual's social experience (Dwyer, 2000). For example, Muslim men learn early on that they are considered to be the breadwinners of the family. Economic responsibility for maintaining the family falls squarely on the shoulders of the man (Varghese & Jenkins, 2009), irrespective of whether his wife is earning money. Women, however, are often expected to be obedient wives and mothers staying within the family environment (Varghese & Jenkins, 2009). Moreover, they are socialised to know that they are responsible for their family's honour and, as a result, must behave in very modest and respectful ways (Dodd, 1973; Dwyer, 2000). These traditional gender roles and expectations are not, however, emphasised to the same degree in Western cultures. Women are becoming increasingly encouraged to continue their education, receive gainful employment, know and be aware of their rights and exert a certain degree of independence from their male counterparts.

The third major distinction between Western and Eastern cultures is the acceptance of premarital dating and intimate relationships. In Western cultures, dating has been a widely practiced custom since the mid-1920s (Bogle, 2008). In a related vein, sexual intimacy5 has become more accepted and normalised as well. In fact, survey data have indicated that 71% of Canadian youth have dated by the time they turned 15 (Mahony, 2010). These same social activities in collectivistic South Asian cultures are instead stigmatised, condemned and considered deviant (Alexander, Garda, Kanade, Jejeebhoy, & Ganatra, 2006). Within some families, especially those belonging to the Muslim religion, dating is thought to bring shame to the family (Haddad, Smith, & Moore, 2006). If there are mixed gender gatherings within the community, they are often heavily policed and monitored by families and community networks to ensure the men and women are properly segregated to a certain degree (Hennink, Diamond, & Cooper, 1999; Rosenthal & Feldman, 1992). This is especially the case with respect to daughters' activities in these settings (Hickey, 2004). Sexual abstinence is the cultural ideal with family honour often tied to virginity, especially that of the daughter (Gillespie, 1995, as cited in Durham, 2004; Haddad et al., 2006). Any deviation from this cultural norm is recognised, even by young women, as a violation and threat to the honour of the family (Zine, 2008). In these collectivistic cultures, an individual's decisions and/or behaviours with respect to dating and sexual intimacy can not only dishonour themselves but also bring shame to the entire family (Ayyub, 2000). These decisions can affect how the ‘biraderi’ or community/social network perceives you, your actions and your family (Wardak, 2000). Gupta's (1999) work on South Asian women, in particular, speaks to this continuous struggle between parental expectations, cultural traditions and their own sexual desires. Some South Asian youth, despite parental concerns and protests, do form cross-gender and even homosexual relationships (Minwalla, Rosser, Feldman, & Varga, 2005; Zaidi & Shuraydi, 2002). Research with second-generation Pakistani Muslim women living in Canada showed a tendency towards dating, as well as affectional and sexually intimate cross-gender relationships (Zaidi & Shuraydi, 2002). Furthermore, a survey of single men from various ethnic backgrounds living in Canada found that first- and second-generation South Asian men were more likely than those from Latin American or English-speaking Caribbean countries to report multiple sexual relationships (Godin et al., 1996). What is clear from the research is that second-generation youth are not necessarily abiding by the norms of their heritage cultures.

These key cultural distinctions, among others, can lead to difficulties when individuals are exposed or socialised according to both cultures. The second generation, in particular, youth are in an especially unique position, in comparison to their parents, because they are socialised and exposed to the conflicting expectations of each culture. As a result, they are continuously pulled between these two cultural lifestyles (Wardak, 2000). There are incessant struggles and negotiations that take place not just between themselves and their parents (Durham, 2004; Giguère, Lalonde, & Lou, 2010; Rajiva, 2006), but also within themselves between ‘the “Canadian” self and “South Asian” self’ (Sharif, 2008, p. 77). For this reason, scholars consistently describe South Asian youth as a generation ‘living between cultures’ or living ‘in translation’ (Giguère et al., 2010; Hall, 1992, p. 310; Wakil et al., 1981; Wardak, 2000). More specifically, they have also been described as ‘torn between individualism and family obligation’ (Kalliyvayalil, 2004, p. 539). Inman (2006, p. 307) comments, ‘socialization within the dominant culture imposes different value sets’ from those experienced in schools, media and the communities they live in. Children begin to question, critique and compare their parents' cultural beliefs with those of the host society. This generates the potential for an intergenerational divide (Handa, 1997; Rosenthal & Feldman, 1992). Maira's (2002) ethnographic work on second-generation South Asians in the USA, for example, demonstrates how these youth negotiate questions of gender, identity, race and belonging. Moreover, these youth are consistently required to negotiate their cultural expectations and new realities, as well as their personal identities to accommodate the expectations of both the host culture outside of the home and the heritage culture within the home. Extensive research has documented the challenges South Asian youth face regarding cultural and generational differences as well as problems managing the different lifestyles and/or approaches (see Durham, 2004; Rajiva, 2006; Shariff, 2008; Varghese & Jenkins, 2009). Therefore, based on the above discussion, it is clear that second-generation youth are at the crossroads of negotiation between cultural traditions and host versus heritage cultural and familial expectations. As a result, it is worthwhile to examine the process of deciding which cultural expectations to follow when those expectations clash.

Theoretical framework

Social Bond Theory is one of many control theories that, unlike other theories, suggest there is an innate motivation to engage in ‘deviant’ acts (Cao, 2004). As a result, control theories, including Hirschi's Social Bond Theory, seek to explain why some conform to societal norms (Krohn & Massey, 1980). Hirschi asserted that when the social bonds between the individual and society (Shoemaker, 1996) are lacking, deviant behaviour occurs. Weakening of social bonds frees the individual from the constraints; however, a weak social bond is necessary, but not sufficient reason for deviancy to occur. A person's investment in society creates bonds that make deviant acts impossible or not worth the time. Thus, an individual with constraints may avoid delinquent behaviour(s) or, in our case, culturally deviant acts (White, Haines, & Eisler, 2009). This theoretical framework aligns well with Wardak's (2000, p. 117) analysis on the South Asian Community in Scotland, in which he diligently tries to explain ‘social bonds’ with respect to conformity and deviance among South Asian youth. He examines how agencies of social control, such as community and family reinstate normative collectivistic values and traditional cultural expectations, as well as creates a natural awareness regarding the ‘moral and social order boundaries’ (Wardak, 2000, p. 241). His analysis clearly outlined that where social bonds are weak criminal deviancy among Pakistani men occurs.

Hirschi's Social Bond Theory has four core components that are the core of his theory. The first component is attachment to others/affection, which involves having respect and affection for certain people deemed important by the individual. In this component, close and/or significant relationships act as prevention to deviancy because individuals do not want to hurt or disappoint those they are attached to by engaging in non-normative behaviours (Cao, 2004). Research has found significance between parent–child relationships and delinquency (Krohn & Massey, 1980), which may extend to deviant behaviour as well. Attachment to peers is also considered a substantial influence on deviant behaviour with youth who have affective relationships with peers who do not engage in deviant behaviours resisting deviancy (Krohn & Massey, 1980). Although less concrete, Hirschi also indicated that attachment to school is also an important factor (Krohn & Massey, 1980).

The second element of Hirschi's theory is having a commitment to conventional lines of action. In this element, Hirschi explains how having desirable goals and pursuits in place act as a deterrent to deviant behaviour. If conventional goals are to be achieved, then there is no place for deviancy (Krohn & Massey, 1980). Individuals invest themselves in these activities and are less likely to engage in deviant behaviour that may risk their investment (Krohn & Massey, 1980).

The third component, which is linked to commitment, is involvement in conventional activities. This component negatively correlates the time dimension of commitment with deviant activities (Krohn & Massey, 1980). The notion of ‘idle hands are the devil's workshop’ is the basic explanation. Spending time participating in legitimate activities leaves less time for deviant activities (Krohn & Massey, 1980).

Finally, Hirschi's last tenet is a belief system in society's central conventional value system (Cao, 2004; Krohn & Massey, 1980). Having strong beliefs towards conventional norms will prevent individuals from engaging in deviant activities (Krohn & Massey, 1980). If there is not an effective belief system in place, however, then deviancy may occur (Krohn & Massey, 1980; White et al., 2009).

All four of these social bonds, independent or combined, influence one's behaviour and thus is relevant to this research. Social bond theorists contend that when these elements are in place, individuals are less likely to engage in deviant acts. Social Bond Theory applies to South Asian youth's experiences resisting cultural deviancy because each of these social bonds are a part of their daily lives. Moreover, South Asian youths' decisions to resist or not resist dating and sexual intimate encounters rest on these social constraints or collectivistic entities found within the cultural and family frameworks they are in. For South Asian youth, there are two sets of conflicting rules: (1) those of the West privileging individual decision-making and endorsing dating and sexual intimacy and (2) those of the East privileging the family with family honour dependent (especially for women) on avoiding cross-gender relationships and especially sexual intimacy, in particular, prior to marriage. From a Social Bond Theory perspective, how South Asian youth negotiate these competing sets of rules is influenced by the strength of social bonds they are faced with in their daily lives.

Some scholars, however, question Social Bond Theory. At best, critics of this theory state that it is more useful in explaining minor deviant acts, rather than major or more serious offences. Many, like Gibbons (1994), also argue that ‘self-control’, rather than social bonds, may perhaps be a useful explanation of minor and major deviant behaviours. Some scholars have even argued that this theory neglects the possibility of forming bonds with individuals who are involved in deviant behaviours (Pratt, Gau, & Franklin, 2011). Other scholars have also pointed out that Social Bond Theory is limited in its ability to provide an understanding of the motivation for engaging in deviate behaviours besides the lack of attachments (Taylor, 2001). Hirschi's (1969, as cited in Taylor, 2001) response to this criticism was that this was not the goal of his theory. Despite these weaknesses, the themes we discovered in our data fit best with this approach.

Methodology

Data collection and recruitment

We centred recruitment primarily on university and college campuses across the Greater Toronto Area (GTA) and Durham Region. We used posters, campus-wide emails, movie theatre advertisements and flyers to attract participants who then emailed the research team. We offered an honorarium of $20 to all participants to cover transportation and thank them for their time.

The semi-structured interview guide examined, but was not limited to the following themes: participant's background; parent's socio-economic status; race/ethnic relations within the host country, family, school and community characteristics; personal accounts of cultural scripts regarding dating and sexuality of host and heritage country; participants' interpersonal scripts and experiences of dating and sexuality; primary/secondary socialisation agents and intergenerational conflicts. Each interview took place in a private office to ensure the participants' comfort.6 We audio recorded all interviews with the informed consent of participants. This allowed for verbatim transcription and conformability of the data. Members of the research team checked each transcription to ensure accuracy.

Method of data analysis

Data analysis consisted of thematic coding using QSR N6 software. We uploaded each transcription to QSR N6 software. Members of the research team immersed themselves in the data by going through an iterative process of reading, re-reading and reviewing all transcripts. The research team identified and discussed various themes. Once an agreement was met, we coded the interviews using the software. After a preliminary analysis, the research team assessed and attempted to understand the themes that emerged and discovered that they were consistent with some of the main aspects of Hirschi's Social Bond Theory. As a result, we did a second analysis in N6 to code specifically for the components of Hirschi's Social Bond Theory. After coding, we used N6 reports to create a sample profile and tally the number of participants who fell into each theme to provide a very basic quantitative analysis. The purpose of the quantitative aspect of this paper is only to give the reader an idea of the prevalence of each theme within this particular sample. For this we concentrated our analytic discussion on those who are not ‘culturally deviant’.

Sample, sampling technique and sample profile

We interviewed a total sample of 57 unmarried second-generation South Asian (i.e. Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Nepal, Pakistan and Sri Lanka) youth aged between 18 and 25.7 We achieved the sample using non-probability purposive sampling. For the purposes of this study, second generation includes anyone born in Canada or moved to Canada before the age of eight. We used the age of eight because studies on ethnic identity have revealed that children aged seven or eight develop their own sense of ethnocentricity and/or ethnic awareness (Davey, 1983; Ghuman, 1998). Moreover, those who migrated during the pre-school age have ‘experience and adaptive outcomes are closer’ to those born within the host country and are unlikely to even remember the heritage country (Rumbaut, 2004, p. 1167). We focused on the three religions, namely Islam, Hinduism and Christianity.

The sample consisted of slightly more female than male participants who ranged in age between 18 and 25 with an average of 20. All of these participants were in university or college programmes in various areas. The majority identified their families as middle or middle to upper class (87%). Most participants also indicated that their mothers and fathers had at least some university/college level education (56% for mothers and 68.4% for fathers). The sample is comprised of an almost equal number of participants who were identified as Muslims (20), Hindus (20) and Christians (16). Each of these groups was made up of an equal number of males and females, with the exception of Christian (10 females and 6 males) and Christian/Hindu (1 female). The majority of the participants' and/or their families originated from Sri Lanka (36.8%), followed by Pakistan (31.6%) and India (26.3%). There were also three participants with families originating from Nepal, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka/India. In addition, the majority reported that their families emigrated from urban areas (57.9%) (Table 1)8.

Table 1 Sample profile.

Sex
Female	54.4% (n = 31)
Male	45.6% (n = 26)
Age	20
Religion
Muslim	35.1% (n = 20)
Hindu	35.1% (n = 20)
Christian	28.1% (n = 16)
Christian/Hindu	1.8% (n = 1)
Country of origin
Sri Lanka	36.8% (n = 21)
Pakistan	31.6% (n = 18)
India	26.3% (n = 15)
Nepal	1.8% (n = 1)
Bangladesh	1.8% (n = 1)
Sri Lanka/India	1.8% (n = 1)
Urban versus rural
Urban	57.9% (n = 33)
Rural	26.3% (n = 15)
Both or in the middle	14% (n = 8)
Unknown	1.8% (n = 1)
Economic status
Upper	7.4% (n = 4)
Middle to upper	25.9% (n = 14)
Middle	61.1% (n = 33)
Lower to middle	1.9% (n = 1)
Lower	3.7% (n = 2)
Mother's education
Less than high school	15.8% (n = 9)
High school	24.6% (n = 14)
At least some university/college	59.6% (n = 34)
Father's education
Less than high school	10.5% (n = 6)
High school	14% (n = 8)
At least some university/college	70.2% (n = 40)
Unknown	5.3% (n = 3)

Data analysis

Upon examining the participants' discussions of intimate relationships (i.e. relationships the participants identified as dating or more than just friends), it became clear that most South Asians in this sample engaged in some forms of cultural/religious deviant behaviours. The majority (86%, n = 49) have been in a dating relationship. Less, however, engaged in vaginal sexual intercourse. Out of all of the participants, 56.1% (n = 32) were virgins while 43.9% (n = 25) were not. Approximately 25% (n = 8) of those who identified as virgins engaged in other sexual activities. These sexual activities include kissing, touching over/under clothes and oral sex. The remaining 75% (n = 24) did not engage in any form of sexual intimacy. In total, 57.8% (n = 33) of the entire sample engaged in some form of sexual activity while 42.2% (n = 24) did not (Table 2).

Table 2 Virginity and relationship status by sex and religion.

Virginity by sex
Virgin	Total 32 (56%)
Male	37.5% (n = 12)
Female	62.5% (n = 20)
Non-virgin	Total 25 (44%)
Male	56% (n = 14)
Female	44% (n = 11)
Virginity by religion
Virgin
Muslim	37.5% (n = 12)
Hindu	28.1% (n = 9)
Christian	31.3% (n = 10)
Christian/Hindu	3.1% (n = 1)
Non-virgin
Muslim	32% (n = 8)
Hindu	44% (n = 11)
Christian	24% (n = 6)
Relationship status by sex
Relationship	Total 49 (86%)
Male	49% (n = 24)
Female	51% (n = 25)
No relationship	Total 8 (15%)
Male	25% (n = 2)
Female	75% (n = 6)
Relationship status by religion
Relationship
Muslim	38.8% (n = 19)
Hindu	34.7% (n = 17)
Christian	26.5% (n = 13)
No relationship
Muslim	12.5% (n = 1)
Hindu	37.5% (n = 3)
Christian	37.5% (n = 3)
Christian/Hindu	12.5% (n = 1)

Given that the majority of the sample have been in an intimate cross-gender relationship and almost half had sex, the question of interest then becomes why do some resist this cultural/religious deviancy? In other words, why did some participants not engage in dating or sexual activities? When examining the data of those who were virgins or had not had a relationship at the time of their interview to try to answer this question, four main themes emerged and aligned with components of Hirschi's Social Bond Theory. These themes, in order of saliency, included attachment, beliefs, commitment and involvement. An additional theme that emerged that is not consistent with Social Bond Theory is lack of opportunity.9 Each of these themes is explored in the sections to follow.

Figure 1 Themes.

Attachment

The first and one of the most common explanations of conformity is attachment. For these participants, it is the attachment to parents in particular and not wanting to disappoint them or bring shame to the family or themselves that played a role in their decisions to engage in culturally deviant activities, specifically intimate cross-gender relationships. This is consistent with Hirschi's attachment component as attachment to parents was a strong influence affecting these participants' engagement in culturally deviant behaviour. Hirschi's attachment component emphasised that having an emotional tie to individuals and caring what those individuals' expectations will shape behaviours (Durkin, Wolfe, & Clark, 1999). There were 22 participants in this study who discussed how their attachment to their parents or fear of bringing shame to their family affected their decisions in intimate partner relationships. Mona,10 an 18-year-old Christian female whose family is from Sri Lanka, gave this as her explanation for resisting the temptation of a relationship (she has never been in an intimate relationship). She said:

Although I have been approached, yes it is my uh choice because I just don't want to face the consequences like why put myself through that trouble … my parents would be very disappointed and I just don't want to put them through that … also because my um my uncle's kind of big in society, the Tamil society … so then if I do something wrong, his name kind of gets ruined … and then um that reflects bad on our church.

Mona's statement above demonstrates the concern she has for her parents' feelings as she does not want to disappoint them. Moreover, her statement also indicates that she is cognisant of the effect her actions may have on the reputation of her family and her church. Thus, her attachment to her parents and her family appears to have dissuaded her from engaging in culturally and religiously deviant activities that may have a negative impact on her family.

Jabeen was an 18-year-old Muslim female whose family is from Pakistan. She had been in a relationship, but had not had sex. When asked if her parents influenced her decisions with respect to relationships with men, she responded:

I think I am really scared of disappointing them because they have done so much for me I mean they left their country for our future, left their … left the home country for our future, to give us better education, to give us a better future. So, I think they have done so much for me and they're still doing so much for me. I think those are the only people that I can come back to if anything ever happens to me. So, I do not want to disappoint them. It's like … you know yeah it is a psychological factor that I don't want to disappoint them and I can't disappoint them not even that like what would other people think of me if I disappoint them.

Similar to Mona, Jabeen also indicated that fear of disappointing her parents influenced her activities. Moreover, her statement suggests that her deep appreciation for her parents and their sacrifices factor into her decision-making.

Kareena, a 19-year-old Hindu female whose family was from Sri Lanka and India, had been in a relationship, but had not had sex. She reminded herself of her parents' disapproval and the potential effect having a relationship or sex could have on her reputation when she tried to follow the cultural and religious expectations. She explained:

At times just like I might like a guy or something like we might be friends which is okay with my parents but then I might like him or he might like me, but then I'll always keep telling myself that it's not good or like my parents won't approve … So it is kind of hard sometimes, but I'll always try to like remind myself of the big picture which is I need to have a good reputation which sounds pretty bad but yeah.

Kareena's statement touches on the role of family honour. This is even more evident in Dolly's statement below. Dolly, a 19-year-old Christian female whose family was from Sri Lanka, had been in a relationship, but had not had sex. Dolly discussed how her father made it very clear that her behaviour has a direct impact on the family's honour and the negative consequences she would face if she ever threatened that family honour. She said:

My dad … the only thing he has said to me is that if I ever did get pregnant that he would leave the house or I'd be kicked out and I'd have nothing to do with anyone cause … he'd just be ashamed of me and I would be bring down the whole family … I think that's one of the main reasons why … I didn't want to have sex because I was scared in case that happened like everything I'd be affecting everyone in my family not just me, I'd be affecting my mom and my brother and I wouldn't want that for them … Like I didn't wanna put my enjoyment in front ah like … the bond between my family.

Dolly's discussion is slightly different from the other participants as her father specifically threatened her, which likely played a role in her decision. Thus, it may not have been an affectionate attachment to her parents that caused her to follow the rules, but more the avoidance of shame and the fear of hurting the rest of her family.

Rohan, a 19-year-old male Hindu whose family was from Sri Lanka, had been in a relationship, but had not had sex. Rohan's discussion of what influences his decisions is slightly different from the others. For Rohan, religion and the opinions of others were not factors; however, he valued his parents' thoughts. This is evident in his statement below.

Religion doesn't play a role at all … 'Cause I don't believe in religion so it wouldn't if some if some aspect of my religion told me not to do something, I wouldn't really care for it … Um but culturally, the only thing that would affect me a factor would be my parents. Anyone else that had a problem with what I was doing, I don't really I don't pay attention to. I sort of you know that's your opinion that's okay. Um my parents are the only ones that would be a factor. If they really felt strongly about something, even though I wouldn't … Even though I even though I wouldn't be inclined to follow what they want, I'd still feel, it would still affect me. Like if they said, if they were really adamant about me not going out and I went out I'd still … I wouldn't be able to be 100% there because I knew that I'd be doing something they don't want me to do. But that'd just be another factor.

Each of the above statements is an illustration of how parental attachment and avoidance of shame can lead to individuals resisting behaviours or activities that are contrary to cultural and religious norms.

Beliefs

The second reason for conformity is beliefs. While Hirschi's work focused on perceptions of the law and criminal justice system (Krohn & Massey, 1980), strong beliefs in cultural and religious rules appeared to have a similar effect on engaging in culturally deviant activities. There were 22 participants who explained that their religious beliefs, in particular, were one of the influencing factors on their decisions regarding cross-gender relationships. Javed's explanation of what prevented him from continuing and progressing his sexual activities is an example of the impact strong religious beliefs can have. Javed, a 20-year-old male Muslim whose family originated from Pakistan, had been in a relationship, but was still a virgin. He said:

Yeah I didn't want to (continue with touching over clothes) yeah I just felt really really bad. [Why did you feel bad?] ‘Cause my like my religion I knew cause … the way I was brought up that's was always in my head.

He went on to further explain why his religious beliefs made him stop and stated:

Well reasons being that I think I'm still I'm not that fast forward like even though I have been brought up in Canadian society I still have religious, my religious beliefs that you should wait till marriage.

Aliya, a 20-year-old Muslim female whose family was from Bangladesh had also been in a relationship, but did not have sex. She spoke of religious reasons as well for her decision to abstain. She explained:

I agree almost with everything in Islam um I learned the hard way that it's better to stay away from boys before marriage um I have been in relationships myself and it's just too much heartache especially with a culture that's not so accepting of it … with religion ah I understand everything that they teach and that's why I follow it … … you understand why you're doing it and then do it because if you don't understand something you're going feel like it's a drag.

Aliya's statement is an example of how religious beliefs can be internalised and understood rather than just blindly followed.

Mona, an 18-year-old female Christian whose family was from Sri Lanka, had never been in a relationship, nor had she had sex. She explained that her relationship with God helped her conform to the religious and cultural expectations. When asked if the pressure to conform was difficult, she responded:

I don't know ‘cause I have a good relationship with God so it he helps me through it so it's good.

Farah, a 19-year-old Muslim female whose family was from Pakistan, had not had sex nor had she been in a relationship. Although she said a lot of people engage in sexual activities, she disagreed and attributed her disagreement to her religion. Her statement below illustrates this.

Um a lot of people do that stuff for fun I don't do that stuff for fun I don't think that's I don't think there's a point to that I think it should be um marriage because I'm religious right so I don't believe in like premarital right.

Sadiq, a 21-year-old male Muslim whose family was from Pakistan, had a relationship, but had not had sex. He explained the religious significance of sex, which he agreed with. He stated:

Um well I think it (cultural rules) makes sense in terms of religion right cause if having sex before marriage is a sin …. Um I do agree with that (not dating) actually because it does lead to sex.

Although Sadiq had previously been in a relationship, he did believe that having sex is a sin and being in a relationship can lead to sex, thus dating and sex should be avoided because of the religious expectations.

Commitment and involvement

The next explanation of conformity is similar to Hirschi's commitment and involvement components. As Hirschi contends, individuals do not want to engage in activities that will put their goals at risk and such commitments are often time consuming leaving little free time for deviant activities (Krohn & Massey, 1980). The participants in this study specifically spoke of the influence of commitment to as well as involvement with education on their decision to resist the culturally deviant behaviour of engaging in intimate cross-gender relationships. There were 11 participants who explained that their focus on their education left little room for distractions such as having a relationship or a sexual relationship. Jenny, a 19-year-old Christian female whose family was from Sri Lanka, was a virgin and had never been in an intimate relationship before. She explained that this is because she needed to focus all of her attention on her education.

Like my mom says my educations is important right now … I get very distracted with things … I believe that if I go one track I won't concentrate on the other. So right now education is what I need and want … Basically my mom she just keeps telling me this important for you … she's just making me understand ah what my future might become if I don't concentrate now … And she worked at X11 … she hates that life … So she wants us to um have a good education and be at a stable job.

Ramesh, a 21-year-old Hindu male whose family was from India, who had been in a relationship before, but was still a virgin. Similar to Jenny, he also explained how his parents’ focus on education influenced his life growing up. He stated:

Growing up like my parents would say no relationships, you have to get through school. It's like they make school a major priority just because of what they sacrificed in coming to Canada and they just want us to make sure we get the best or the fullest of their sacrifice you know. So they don't want us screwing up.

Ramesh went on to discuss how his past relationship took priority over school to the determent of his schoolwork. His priorities had since changed. His statement below illustrates how he began to understand his parents’ position on relationships better.

I kind of got an idea with what they [parents] were talking about that … a girl would be a distraction right now and trying to get into medical school isn't an easy thing it's, it's very difficult ‘cause it's very competitive and your marks have to be good so because of that I kind of understand what they're saying.

Sadiq also stated that he did not feel the need to be in a relationship anymore because he was too busy with school. He stated:

It's just I'm just busy with school work and um if I had time if I have any time I just do my own thing.

Neetu, a 23-year-old Hindu female whose family was from India, also spoke of the role of education in her resistance to having a relationship. She had never been in a relationship nor had she had sex. When discussing why she avoided this, Neetu explained:

Honestly my whole time was I have to get this and like this is my goal like when I was in high school I was like “I want to get into (name of private school) in this program, the standard for that's high.” …. That was what I did for that then once I was in (name of private school) it was like I want to go to this university in this program, the standards are high I better get the best grades I can. Like it was very “this is your goal, this is how you're going to get there, do that.” [Was that driven by your parents?] I think my parents because well the whole expectation of you will go to university meant that I had to hit that goal. I had to have that one and all of my energy had to go to that. There was no other option … it was always like “you will go to university, you will” and even when I went to university it was “well … you're gonna get a graduate degree” … so it was always basically like this is the goal, you go to that goal, this is your next goal. When you live like that you don't have an opportunity to do anything other than school.

Neetu's statement is an example of how the commitment to educational goals as well as the involvement in this conventional activity takes time away from being able to think about having a relationship let alone form one. Neetu as well as the above participants’ statements not only mention the commitment to educational goals but also show how this commitment stemmed from their parents' expectations as well. Each of the participants' statements indicates the emphasis parents placed on education. It is arguable that the importance their parents gave to education in combination with their own ambition affected their decision to have a relationship or engage in sexual activities.

Lack of opportunity

While there were many participants who did not have a relationship by choice, which we have connected to the four components of Hirschi's Social Bond Theory, there were others who simply did not have an opportunity to have a relationship. This additional theme emerged in the data and did not fit with Hirschi's theory. Three participants spoke of this. Devi, a 20-year-old Hindu female whose family was from India, was a virgin and had never been in a relationship. She explained that it was originally a choice, but at the time of the interview she longed to experience an intimate relationship with a man, but it had not worked out for her. She said:

I think that originally I did choose that on my own (not being in a relationship), but most recently in December I asked my first guy out and he was Indian and you know whatever and things didn't really work out …. I originally did not chose to be in a relationship due to the fact that my parents make academics, cultural, religion the most important part of my life …. I think I do want some sexual interaction with them, not like sex, but yeah I wanna kiss a guy I wanna know what it feels like you know? It's been on my mind for a while.

Farah, a Muslim woman whose family was from Pakistan, also spoke of this. As previously mentioned, she was also a virgin who had never been in a relationship before as well. Unlike Devi, however, Farah explained that she liked to think that she would refuse if someone has her out, but since she had never been asked she did not really know. She stated:

I guess ‘cause I really don't know what I would say to be honest cause it never happened. So, I'd like to say yes I'd say no and yes I would totally shut that person down because it's religiously unacceptable but then again I don't know.

When asked, Devi confirmed that the reason why she had never been in a relationship was a combination of lack of opportunity and religious reasons.

Johnny, a male 21-year-old Christian whose family was from Pakistan, also discussed not having a deep or sexual relationship. He discussed how he technically follows the religious and cultural rules and expectations because he had been waiting for the right girl. This may suggest that he abided by the rules because he had not had the opportunity to have such a relationship. When asked if not having a sexual relationship was his choice, he explained:

No, it's like I want to but at the right time.

These participants’ explanations suggest that there are individuals who specifically avoid relationships for many reasons, including those previously discussed, but that there can be others who are not in relationship because they simply have not had a chance. They seem to avoid cultural and religious deviance by default as they have not had the opportunity to engage in such behaviour (Table 3).

Table 3 Themes by sex, religion and country of origin.

Attachment to others/affection
Total	22
Sex
Female	17 (77%)
Male	5 (23%)
Religion
Muslim	11 (50%)
Hindu	5 (23%)
Christian	5 (23%)
Hindu/Christian	1 (5%)
Country of origin
Bangladesh	1 (5%)
India	3 (14%)
Pakistan	9 (41%)
Sri Lanka	8 (36%)
India/Sri Lanka	1 (5%)
Belief system
Total	22
Sex
Female	17 (77%)
Male	5 (23%)
Religion
Muslim	12 (55%)
Hindu	2 (9%)
Christian	7 (32%)
Hindu/Christian	1 (5%)
Country of origin
Bangladesh	1 (5%)
India	3 (14%)
Pakistan	11 (50%)
Sri Lanka	6 (27%)
India/Sri Lanka	1 (5%)
Commitment to and involvement in conventional activities
Total	11
Sex
Female	5 (45%)
Male	6 (55%)
Religion
Muslim	2 (18%)
Hindu	6 (55%)
Christian	3 (27%)
Country of origin
India	5 (45%)
Pakistan	1 (9%)
Sri Lanka	4 (36%)
India/Sri Lanka	1 (9%)
Lack of opportunity
Total	3
Sex
Female	2 (67%)
Male	1 (33%)
Religion
Muslim	1 (33%)
Hindu	1 (33%)
Christian	1 (33%)
Country of origin
India	1 (33%)
Pakistan	2 (67%)

Culturally deviant

Before concluding, it is important to briefly discuss those participants who engaged in dating relationships and/or sexual activities. For these participants, there was not always a complete absence of the social bonds listed above. With respect to attachment, there were some participants who did not have a close or amicable relationship with their parents. Thus, this bond was not strong enough to prevent culturally deviant behaviour as they defied their parents or did not consider their perspectives. There were others who kept their relationships secret rather than refraining from dating altogether as a means of maintaining the family's honour. This suggests the attachment to parents does alter their behaviour but not enough to prevent the deviant activities. Furthermore, there were some participants who had parents who were accepting of dating. Therefore, there was still a strong relationship attachment, but it did not conflict with their desire to date.

With regard to beliefs, there were very few participants who identified themselves as very religious or strongly identified with their culture and still engaged in dating or sexual intercourse. Participants who were more spiritual (i.e. the belief in God and the overarching tenets of the religious) were more likely than those who were devout practitioners (i.e. the following of all or most of the religious rules) to engage in dating or sexual intercourse. Therefore, the social bond of belief in the norms of their culture and/or religion is not completely absent for those who do engage in dating or sexual intercourse and other activities, but rather may not be as strong as those who refrain from intimate cross-gender relationships.

The social bond of commitment to and involvement with conventional activities was also not necessarily absent for those participants who engaged in dating and/or sexual activities either, especially with respect to education in particular. There were participants who used their involvement in education to further their goals of dating and/or engagement in sexual activities. For instance, since they were enrolled in a laptop based university, many participants used their school-issued laptop to initiate or further their dating relationships (see Zaidi, Couture, & Maticka-Tyndale, 2012). Moreover, attending university was often acknowledged as a place where dating relationships were formed; university served as a meeting place for partners. Of importance is the recognition that all of the participants were attending university or college at the time of this study. Therefore, it is reasonable to suggest that they must have some level of commitment to their education. For some participants, however, this commitment and involvement was so strong that they believed there was little room left for dating and the opportunity was never presented.

Discussion and conclusions

This exploratory research provides insight into the intimate ‘dating’ relationship realities of South Asian youth and helps explain why some South Asian youth resist cultural deviancy when many others do not. This research clearly indicates that while dating and sexuality have not been the norm in South Asian cultures, this is becoming more of a reality. Despite this growing acceptance, however, there is still resistance to this type of cultural deviancy by many in this sample. Our findings illustrate the salience of the four key components of Travis Hirschi's Social Bond Theory in understanding why individuals in this sample resist cultural deviancy.

Hirschi's first social bond component addresses attachment to others/affection. Of the 57 participants in our original sample, 22 discussed the importance of attachment to others/affection, especially to parents. They clearly spoke of how they were deterred from engaging in activities that are cultural/religiously deviant because of the close relationship they had with their parents and would not want to compromise the relationship. These results are consistent with Wardak (2000). Similarly, he also found that Pakistani boys who lacked strong attachment to parents were more likely to engage in deviant behaviours.

With regard to Hirschi's second social bond component of having a belief system, 22 participants hold strong religious beliefs. Having a strong religious belief system, in accordance with Hirschi, will regulate behaviour, which is what we saw among some of the participants. The strong religious beliefs the participants discussed as preventing them from engaging in intimate relationships or having sex was more than just blind acceptance. Instead, it was an understanding of the justification for the religious rules, norms and internalising those beliefs. It was about being committed to the religious principles rather than being forced by external factors, such as parents, to follow them.

These participants acknowledged the role of religion in their decision to avoid having an intimate relationship or sexual activities, which supports Hirschi's argument that having a belief system in place will guide one's behaviours. It is evident among these participants that strong religious beliefs did influence their actions. Likewise maintaining a religious belief system, according to Wardak's (2000) study, also resulted in less deviated behaviours for the boys.

Hirschi's third social bond component, commitment to and involvement in conventional lines of activities seemed to be suggested by some in this sample as they prioritised their education and educational goals above dating relationships. It is not only that they were committed to their education, but also that commitment and involvement kept them busy and away from culturally deviant activities. They wanted to avoid the distraction a relationship or sex could cause. Among these participants we can see that, similar to Hirschi's commitment to conventional lines of action, they had a strong determination to reach their goals, which resulted in avoidance of activities that may jeopardise their educational goals. Consistent with Hirschi's involvement in conventional activities, these participants spent a lot of time working to advance themselves within education, which resulted in less available time to engage in deviant activities, such as building a dating relationship and having sex. Again, Wardak's (2000) study found a similar outcome. Those Pakistani boys who were committed to educational success and had educational ambitions in place with regard to higher education were more likely to better regulate their deviant behaviours.

Similar to lacking the time necessary to have a relationship due to educational involvement, there were others who spoke of not having the opportunity to have a relationship. For these individuals, an opportunity had not arisen for them to become intimately involved with someone. While there is the possibility that some of these participants would resist advances made by another, it cannot be said for certain because they had never been approached. This is another explanation for why some individuals within the sample did not engage in cultural deviancy.

The results of this research suggest the relevance of applying Hirschi's Social Bond Theory since it contributes to our understanding of why some South Asian youth may resist cultural deviancy. Overall, the results of this study imply that even though there are South Asian youth participating in dating and sexual intimate encounters, there are also others who are not participating in such culturally deviant acts. This research insinuates that if people in the sample choose not to engage in culturally deviant acts it may have been because there is, as Travis Hirschi points out in his theory, that something constrained or prevented them from participating. The social bonds or social controls these individuals were intrinsically tied to, be it parents, religion, educational activities and/or lack of opportunity, seem to be for some, what constrained or deterred them from engaging in culturally deviant acts.

It is important to note that this research does not come without limitations. The major limitation is that the sample was comprised largely of South Asian youth enrolled in university/college in the GTA and Durham Region. There was very little diversity with respect to level of education. Also, while our sample targeted individuals aged 18–35, most fell on the younger end of the spectrum (i.e. average age of the sample was 20 years). Thus, the sample is not representative of our targeted population, especially older individuals.

The merits of this exploratory research are that it makes a unique contribution to the scholarship on South Asian families and youth. This research makes an attempt to understand the resistance to cultural deviancy, something that is lacking in the literature for both men and women. Our research tries to make sense of how and why some youth refrain from culturally deviant acts, rather than simply identifying or labelling those cultural problems and/or dilemmas that surround them. Moreover, as previously mentioned, there is very little research on South Asian youth living in Canada and dating or sexuality. In addition, Social Bond Theory has most often been applied to criminal acts, but this research applies it to a very different social issue, which is engaging/resisting cultural deviancy. This research also shows how agents of social control within the South Asian family can act as direct or indirect filters to resisting deviant acts within the host environment. Furthermore, this research provides evidence that while assimilation of South Asian populations within a host society, like Canada, is occurring, there are still some people who hold on to their traditions. These individuals choose not to engage in acts encouraged by Western cultures that are considered culturally deviant within the heritage culture because of various social bonds that surround them. It illustrates how the importance of parents, religion and/or conventional lines of activities (i.e. the social bonds) all may play a vital role in one's ‘moral’ decision-making, especially in collectivistic cultures similar to those found within South Asia.

Future research should be done with a larger and more diverse sample (i.e. individuals outside of colleges/universities). More questions should be posed that directly and specifically ask what has prevented individuals from engaging in culturally deviant activities. Future research could also extend beyond the culturally deviant acts of dating and sexual activities and explore other forbidden activities such as drug use for instance. This could test Social Bond Theory's applicability to other culturally deviant activities. Upon completion of additional exploratory work, quantitative testing could also be applied as well to test Social Bond Theory.

Funding

This research is based on a study funded by the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council (SSHRC).

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Arshia U. Zaidi

Arshia U. Zaidi is an associate professor at University of Ontario Institute of Technology. Her research interests include intimate partner violence, issues of immigration (e.g. second-generation South Asian youth), race, gender, sexuality and the immigrant family.

Amanda Couture-Carron

Amanda Couture-Carron is currently a doctoral student in sociology at the University of Toronto and a graduate from the Master of Arts program in Criminology at the University of Ontario Institute of Technology. Her research interests include intimate partner abuse, immigrant women and first- and second-generation immigrant youth experiences (e.g. identity, acculturation, sexuality).

Eleanor Maticka-Tyndale

Eleanor Maticka-Tyndale holds a Tier 1 Canada Research Chair in Social Justice and Sexual Health at the University of Windsor (Canada). Focusing on sexual health and rights, particularly for marginalised and under-serviced groups, her research has led to over 150 publications, development of school curricula deployed over provinces and entire countries, changes in legislation, community programming and changes in the delivery of health and counselling services.

Notes

^3. The term ‘cultural deviance’ in this paper relates to the heritage culture. This refers to activities that diverge from the heritage culture's norms, specifically focusing on cross-gender relationships and sexual intimacy prior to marriage.

^4. Cross-gender relationships constitute a male–female or heterosexual relationship in which dating and sexual activity takes place.

^5. For the purposes of this paper, sex is defined as vaginal intercourse between men and women and sexual intimacy includes activities such as kissing, touching over/under clothes and oral sex.

^6. For a discussion of the interviewer/interviewee dynamics, given the sensitive nature of the interviews, see Couture, Zaidi, and Maticka-Tyndale (2012).

^7. Statistics Canada (2011a) defines second-generation immigrants as individuals born in Canada who have at least one parent who was born outside of Canada.

^8. Three participants did not answer this question.

^9. Commitment and involvement will be discussed together as they are related within Hirschi's theory.

^10. Please note the names provided are pseudonyms.

^11. Employer's name removed to ensure anonymity.