Adolescents’ and young adults’ experiences of loneliness and their thoughts about its alleviation

ABSTRACT

Society has undergone rapid changes over the last decade affecting adolescents and their mental health as well as experiences of loneliness. The aim of this study is to examine loneliness from adolescents’ and young adults’ perspectives. Data was collected through semi-structured interviews with eleven (n = 11) Finnish adolescents and young adults aged 17–28 and analysed using qualitative content analysis. Two main themes and six subthemes were found. The main themes were: risk factors for loneliness and different ways of alleviating loneliness. Risk factors for involuntary loneliness were: social transitions, isolation, not having anyone to contact, group differences, social expectations, viewing other companionships, ill-being, negative emotions, former destructive experiences or a negative self-image. Preventive measures, effective coping strategies together with tertiary measures are depicted and discussed. Risk factors should be identified in order to be able to effectively and adequately address involuntary loneliness amongst adolescents and young adults.

KEYWORDS:

• Adolescents
• young adults
• alleviation
• coping
• interviews
• loneliness

Introduction

Adolescents and loneliness

Globally, loneliness is considered a public health concern (Fakoya et al., 2020) even a worldwide epidemic (Murthy, 2017). Earlier research has shown that adolescents experience loneliness more frequently and more strongly than older adults (Tornstam et al., 2010). According to some national studies, approximately 60% of Finnish adolescents experience loneliness occasionally in fifth, seventh and ninth grade (Simonsen-Rhen et al., 2016) and even children aged 10 experience long-term social and emotional loneliness (Junttila & Vauras, 2009). Thus, addressing loneliness amongst adolescents is essential, since it is believed to constitute a risk factor for their health and well-being (Lyyra et al., 2018).

Loneliness is described as the unpleasant feeling that occurs when individuals experience either a quantitative or qualitative deficiency in their social relationships. (Perlman & Peplau, 1998). The need to belong is a universal phenomenon and has been evolutionary significant when it comes to the survival and reproduction of humans (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). The causes of loneliness vary between persons, however, and genetic predispositions can make an individual particularly vulnerable to loneliness. Personality traits and behaviour are significant as regards the ability of forming and maintaining relationships (Perlman & Peplau, 1998). Loneliness either motivates an individual to approach others or leads to the avoidance of social contact (Cacioppo & Cacioppo, 2018). A distinction has been made between self-selected, intrapersonal, existential (Strang, 2014), chronic and transitory loneliness (Sháked & Rokach, 2015). Weiss (1973) differentiates emotional from social loneliness. Emotional loneliness is described as occuring from the absence of an intimate attachment figure, while social loneliness derives from the absence of a wide social network or group belonging (Weiss, 1973). Emotional loneliness can arise from divorce or from marriages lacking attachment (Perlman & Peplau, 1998), whilst social loneliness can emerge with the disintegration of an individual’s social role (Weiss, 1973).

Loneliness has been associated with physical symptoms and issues in a large number of studies. People who experience loneliness have more somatic symptoms (Stickley et al., 2013; Perlman & Peplau, 1998), depressive symptoms (Madjar et al., 2020; Perlman & Peplau, 1998; Stickley et al., 2016) and symptoms of distress (Mclntyre et al., 2018; Stickley et al., 2016). Lonely individuals also increasingly demonstrate self-reported chronic illnesses, hypercholesterolemia, diabetes, deprived self-reported health and more frequent hospitalizations (Richard et al., 2017). Findings suggest that loneliness is also associated with social anxiety (Maes et al., 2019; Zhu et al., 2019) and long-term stress (Segrin et al., 2018). The interactions between social anxiety and loneliness differentiate levels of comprehensive mental health outcomes such as suicidal ideation, lower self-esteem and lower life satisfaction (Zhu et al., 2019). Loneliness has been found to have a significant covert effect on indicators of substance use through increased stress (Segrin et al., 2018). Long-term stress could also be a cause of inadequate sleep and medication adherence (Segrin & Passalacqua, 2010) reported by lonely individuals.

Early attachment is considered to affect future relationships (Kiralp & Serin, 2017). Children who possess a secure attachment style are able to handle stress related situations better, show more flexibility and imagination (Hart & Schwartz, 2010) develop higher self-esteem (Dhal et al., 2007), and more intimate relationships, resulting in experiencing less loneliness (Akbag & Erden, 2010). A number of studies indicate that negative attachment styles lead to negative consequences which indirectly affect loneliness: lower self-esteem, impaired social skills (Bevinn, 2011; Dhal et al., 2007), insufficient empathy, difficulties with intimacy in adulthood (Bevinn, 2011), lower self-confidence (Dhal et al., 2007), negative self-image (Wiseman et al., 2006), difficulties with establishing and maintaining substantial relationships, impaired trust, less qualitative based relationships and more chronic loneliness (Sháked & Rokach, 2015). Individuals who develop negative attachment styles are therefore more likely to experience more loneliness (Akbag & Erden, 2010). Among children who experience loneliness, family relationships and caretakers’ behaviours are believed to affect how well children handle social relationships. Less friendship quantity could also lead to poorer self-esteem, negative self-image or difficulties in school. Children who have been rejected also have difficulties with integrating or initiating relationships with other peers, leading to less friendships; hence, they experience more loneliness (Tornstam et al., 2010).

Loneliness has also been revealed as connected to lower social support (Segrin & Passalacqua, 2010; Stickley et al., 2013; Stickley et al., 2015), a number of close friends and family, or a significant other (Segrin & Passalacqua, 2010). Divorced or widowed individuals are also more likely to experience loneliness (Stickley et al., 2015, 2013). Other factors that seem to be associated with increased levels of loneliness are insecurity during childhood (Tornstam et al., 2010), dysfunctional family relations (Zhu et al., 2019), school related stress (Zhu et al., 2019) and peer victimization (Rönkä et al., 2014; Stickley et al., 2016; Vaarala et al., 2013). According to some studies, children who report both victimization and loneliness are especially at risk for negative factors related to ill health (Løhre, 2012). Personal attributes which may lead to difficulties in establishing relationships, such as deficient social skills, fear of social situations (Vaarala et al., 2013), avoiding social contact (Rönkä et al., 2014), having different hobbies and interests also contribute to experiences of more loneliness. Other factors that are associated with increased levels of loneliness are low self-esteem, introversion, difficulty in making friends, selectivity in relationships and self-related doubt (Vaarala et al., 2013). Further, self-esteem has been found to be positively related to, for instance, peer relationships and support from others (Birkeland et al., 2014). Numerous studies also demonstrate that loneliness is associated with shyness (Perlman & Peplau, 1998; Stickley et al., 2016; Vaarala et al., 2013), lack of trust (Nyqvist et al., 2016; Qualter et al., 2013) and social transitions (Vaarala et al., 2013; Von Soest et al., 2020). Social media, in some instances, affect loneliness negatively (Vaarala et al., 2013). Living in rural areas also impacted negatively on loneliness among girls (Rönkä et al., 2014).

Causes of loneliness also seem to differ between age groups. Factors that seem to affect all age groups equally are: living alone, perceived social exclusion, psychological distress, mental/emotional well-being, and frequency of neighbourly contact (Franssen et al., 2020). Studies suggest that loneliness peaks during early adolescence, decreases during young adulthood and middle age, only to increase during the declining years (Franssen et al., 2020; Heinrich & Gullone, 2006). Loneliness has also been shown to occur most frequently, and tends to be more prevalent, in young people (Franssen et al., 2020). Young adults who leave their family home to begin studies at the university experience a transition often linked to a higher risk of loneliness, which, in turn, may also predict mental health problems (Vasileuiou et al., 2019). Loneliness in young adults increases the risk for a number of health problems (Goosby et al., 2013). Mental health problems have been found more amongst lonely young adults, and they more often engage in physical health risk behaviours as well as use more negative strategies in order to cope with stress (Matthews et al., 2018). Young adults also report more lonely and isolated days, despite having larger networks (Child & Lawton, 2017). Additionally, young adults who experience loneliness have been found to more likely be out of work (Matthews et al., 2018). Research also shows that young people with an ethnic-minority background are at higher risk for loneliness than young people from the majority population (Polo & Lopez, 2009). One possible explanation is that during early adolescence, when individuals have not yet found their social place, they are especially at risk for experiencing loneliness (Goossens, 2018). Adolescents also distance themselves from their parents during the social reorientation process, while peers become more important (Goossens, 2018; Tornstam et al., 2010). Intimate relationships also become more important during young adolescence, and if not attainable, can increase the risk of experiences of loneliness (Tornstam et al., 2010). According to some studies, education level, contact frequency with friends (Franssen et al., 2020) and friend network size are associated with loneliness in young adults (Park et al., 2018). Ethnicity is also found to be stronger associated with loneliness among young and early middle-aged adults (Franssen et al., 2020) Informal social participation and weekly religious attendance are associated with fewer isolated days among young adults (Child & Lawton, 2017), whereas social participation also has been linked with loneliness in the age group 30–49 years (Nyqvist et al., 2016). In middle-aged adults, factors associated with loneliness were educational level (Franssen et al., 2020), marital status (Child & Lawton, 2017; Franssen et al., 2020; Luhmann & Hawkley, 2016) and work status. Working has proved to serve both a protective and detrimental function when it comes to loneliness. Middle-aged individuals who work have been found to be significantly less lonely (Luhmann & Hawkley, 2016). Network satisfaction was associated with fewer lonely and isolated days among both late middle-aged adults and young adults (Child & Lawton, 2017).

Four interventions have been effective in alleviating loneliness; improving social skills, increasing social support, increasing opportunities for social contact and handling dysfunctional social cognitions. Interventions that address social cognitions, for example, using cognitive behavioural therapy, have proved to be most effective. Increasing opportunities for social interactions has also shown positive effects (Perlman & Peplau, 1998). Having positive parental care (Von Soest et al., 2020), close friendships (Stickley et al., 2016; Von Soest et al., 2020), improving social environments in universities that allows students to identify with university friends (Mclntyre et al., 2018) as well as focusing on healthy family functioning are of importance when it comes to alleviating loneliness (Zhu et al., 2019).

As can be seen from the review above, many quantitative studies have been conducted on adolescents’ and young adults’ loneliness, but qualitative research that uncover their own voices are scarce, which is why this study addresses this particular angle.

Aim

The aim of this study is to examine loneliness from adolescents’ and young adults’ perspectives. The research question was ‘What risk factors for loneliness do adolescents and young adults describe?’ and ‘How can loneliness be alleviated according to adolescents and young adults?’

Method

Setting, sampling and recruitment

The participants in this study consisted of eleven (n = 11) Swedish-speaking Finns (nine females and two males) based in Finland and aged 17–28. The exclusion criteria were: a) informants who did not speak Swedish and b) individuals over 29 years and under 16 years. Inclusion criteria were: a) males and females and b) participants who had experienced loneliness. Participants were firstly recruited through a university and a high school in Finland by sending out information letters to all students through the university’s student union information sheet, and secondly through social media (Facebook and Instagram). Participants were recruited through self-selection (students who wished to participate in this study were informed to contact the researchers) and through the snowball effect.

Data collection and data analysis

Semi-structured interviews were conducted in the autumn of 2020 through telephone and video conferences due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Examples of interview questions include: Describe your experiences of loneliness?, Describe situations where you have experienced loneliness in a negative way?, What do you usually do when you experience involuntary loneliness?, How can you alleviate your experiences of involuntary loneliness? and What do you believe young persons can do in order to alleviate their own loneliness? Each interview lasted between 40 and 70 minutes. The analysis was conducted in accordance with Graneheim and Lundman (2004) description of qualitative content analysis. The interviews were recorded and transcribed verbatim. All personal data of the participants were later replaced with codes. The procedure for analysing the texts was as follows: familiarization with the data through reading the texts several times; analysis of the texts to reveal meaning units; codification and condensation of meaning units; and creation of sub-categories and categories in order to elicit themes that illustrated the meaning of the data. For an example of the data analysis, see Table 1.

Table 1. Example of the data analysis

Meaning unit	Condensed meaning unit	Code	Category	Main theme
There were many parties in the beginning… but I never attended, because it felt so stupid if someone came and spoke to me and I had difficulties in understanding … and in my studies there’s a very huge age gap and differences in experience …which also affected it … [not establishing close friendships]	Different interests and values apart from a group Age differences hindered friendship	Differences in groups	Group differences, expectations and viewing companionships	Risk factors for loneliness
I have a set of notes that I read when it gets tough… that says that I should focus on feeling good, that I won’t die today … that I will get through this … and things that I could do…like going for a walk or drinking a glass of water … I don’t know if it’s the notes themselves that helps or the fact that I focus on something else and calm down … and start to think logically again.	To focus on feeling good and get through To do things like drink a glass of water To focus on something and calm down and think logically	To focus on feeling good To occupy oneself To think logically	Coping strategies and tertiary measures	Different ways of alleviating loneliness

Ethical considerations

The study was conducted in accordance with the Finnish National Advisory Board on Research Ethics (2012) instructions concerning sound scientific practice. Participants provided their informed consent. Written and oral information regarding the study were given. Ethical approval was also sought and granted from an ethical committee at the university where the researchers were situated.

Findings

The aim of this study was to explore what factors contribute to the experience of loneliness, and how loneliness can be alleviated. The analysis resulted in two main themes: ‘Risk factors for loneliness’ and ‘Different ways of alleviating loneliness’. Additionally, seven subthemes emerged. For an overview of the findings, see Table 2.

Table 2. Study findings

Main theme	Subtheme
Risk factors for loneliness	Social transitions, isolation, not having anyone to contact
	Group differences, expectations and viewing other companionships
	Ill-being, negative emotions, or former destructive experiences
	Negative self-image, self-esteem and difficulties in contacting people
Different ways of alleviating loneliness	Preventive methods
	Coping strategies and tertiary measures

Risk factors for loneliness

This main theme deals with risk factors associated with loneliness amongst adolescents and young adults. The subthemes in this main theme were: ‘Social transitions, isolation, not having anyone to contact’, ‘Group differences, expectations and viewing other companionships’, ‘Ill-being, negative emotions, or former destructive experiences’ and ‘Negative self-image, self-esteem and difficulties in contacting people’.

Social transitions, isolation and not having anyone to contact

Social transitions, such as moving to a new town for work or for study purposes, were vulnerable periods during the respondents’ lifetime. Participants described that this period was extremely challenging since one often moves away from family and friends, and sometimes also having to adjust to new conditions. Not having a social network also affected loneliness negatively. One participant describes the effects of social transitions as follows:

In the beginning of my studies I experienced cruel loneliness … I had recently moved to a new town and I had no friends … I didn’t choose to be alone, it was more like I was forced toit … and I couldn’t share my thoughts and feelings with anyone. I felt sorrow … (P1)

Developing a broad social network serves as a positive resource in loneliness. One participant described how social transitions could lead to not establishing a new social network: ‘I had another friend who moved to a new town … She didn’t know anyone … and she stopped talking to people and possibly became very lonely. She didn’t have a social network … ’ (P5) Social isolation from either the community or friends also affected loneliness negatively, for instance, living in rural parts of the country, far away from friends and not having means to affect the situation. One participant expressed: ‘I didn’t have any friends in school … and the friends that I had, lived in different areas, and before I had my driver’s licence it was impossible to see someone except for once a year … I was very isolated.’ (P11) Adolescents who are situated in an unsafe family environment could be especially in risk of becoming lonely if they are isolated from the community or from friends. One participant who had been exposed to physical and mental abuse by the parents said:

We lived a few kilometers outside the town … it sometimes gets very isolating … and you can’t go anywhere … and no friends live there … and when you don’t have a family to hang out with it gets very lonely being trapped inside a room day in and day out … In that sense I feel less lonely now …because I live in the city centrer. (P4)

The participants also described that not having anyone to contact increased feelings of loneliness. They explained that this feeling arose from being physically lonely for a long time, not reaching out or being at a long distance from family and friends. One participant described that the feeling of not having anyone to contact occurred from not reaching out for a long time: ‘I’m very bad at maintaining contact with people … I lost contact with people in my hometown …sometimes I feel like I don’t have close contacts … because I haven’t maintained contact with people …someone to talk about my problems with … ’ (P7) Another participant also described that moving away from family and friends gave rise to the feeling of being all alone. Living at a long distance from friends and family can also increase the feeling of not having anyone to contact:

I used to sit at my bedside and think … I don’t have anyone to contact now … even though I had my friends and family … I should have called … but the physical contact …it felt empty somehow …it was not possible to do it the same way as before … you had to call or actually go to the town where they lived. (P1)

Group differences, expectations and viewing other companionships

Group differences could result in not connecting with the group, establishing friends, or the feeling of not belonging to the group. Group differences could derive from for example, having different interests or differences in age, language or appearance. Group differences sometimes also give rise to feelings of deviancy or feeling misunderstood. One participant described how adoption can lead to feelings of deviancy during childhood, and ultimately also to feelings of loneliness because of having an appearance that differs from others (friends):

I didn’t have any connection or relation to my family. I put so much weight on them not being my biological family and that they couldn’t understand me … and also friends. You easily feel different when you’re young and you only have blonde and blue-eyed friends … and then you’re there … with your foreign features. (P10)

Another participant described how differences in language and age can affect the opportunity to connect with others:

There were many parties in the beginning … but I never attended, because it felt so stupid if someone came and spoke to me and I had difficulties in understanding …and in my studies there’s a very huge age gap and differences in experience …which also affected it …[not establishing close friendships]. (P6)

Having different interests and values could also lead to feelings of exclusion from or failure to identify with a particular group. One participant expressed: ‘The identity of the group … I don’t feel like I fit into how you’re supposed to be. It’s kind of like … only these types of people engage here [in the group] … For example, in the choir everyone likes to party and drink … I know that not everybody does that …but it’s the group’s identity … ’ (P11)

Loneliness was also affected by feelings of inferiority or deviance if failing to meet social expectations. One participant described how social life is idealistic and elevated: ‘In my experience the social life is very elevated. It’s very idealistic [to be social] … you’re a great human if you’re social all the time and hang out with people all the time. It’s like an ideal that you have to live up to.’ (P11) Another participant mentioned that the social norms and expectations of society led to feelings of deviancy: ‘What I feel is most frustrating for my loneliness is the norms of society … society requires that you should live in a partnership …and when you don’t … . then you’re deviant and then you feel especially lonely.’ (P9) Social life is expected and encouraged at an early age, which could lead to loneliness being stigmatized. One participant said:

I think it begins in kindergarten …it’s not fun to be alone … and it’s also encouraged by both parents and personnel … that can’t you just play with him or her … it’s somehow one’s purpose … to always be together with somebody … same goes with having a relationship with someone … which is also somehow connected with it … maybe it’s a loneliness thing … that you want to ensure by not being alone … when you’re in a relationship. (P3)

Other situations that often triggered loneliness were seeing other companionships, and comparing oneself to other people, which led to negative feelings about oneself, feelings of exclusion and even self-blame. One participant stated:

When I began studying … and didn’t find my place and then saw that other people did things together … and were able to connect … then I felt like I hadn’t done enough and wasn’t good enough to be with them and for some reason thought that I wasn’t worthy having as a friend. (P3)

Some respondents also described that seeing friends or acquaintances on social media triggered their feelings of loneliness. One participant expressed: ‘It’s pretty self-evident that when we see what others do and that they’re having fun [on social media] … then this loneliness and exclusion feeling automatically arises.’ (P5) Another participant mentioned that social media is a lonely activity, leading to more loneliness when one sees other people at social settings: ‘It’s just that … It’s a lonely act being on social media … oftentimes social things are shared on it … it somehow becomes very paradoxical when you’re alone watching social activities… it’s working against its purpose.’ (P3)

Holidays could also be times when the participants could feel extremely lonely, especially among people who lack social contacts or close relationships. One participant said: ‘Especially during special days or holidays … like Christmas or something …when you see others … on Instagram or something like that … and it’s like … . everybody else is out celebrating and hanging out with their families and friends … and I’m sitting here all alone.’ (P4)

It is important to note that social media were also mentioned as having an alleviating effect for some of the participants, leading to feelings of inclusion and ability to connect with different people in different places.

Ill-being, negative emotions or former destructive experiences

Loneliness was, according to the statements of the participants, often triggered by or occurred simultaneously with ill-being such as tiredness, stress, anxiety or negative emotions and hardships, which led to a deeper experience of loneliness. One participant described how loneliness often occurred in connection with other issues, including tiredness or not feeling well: “Oftentimes I feel lonely in connection to something else … I may be tired or not feeling well that day … they’re somehow correlated to one another.’’ (P4) According to the participants, loneliness was also connected with anxiety. Participants described being consumed by negative feelings and thoughts during their worst moments of loneliness. The participants mentioned that the feelings and thoughts that arose were condescending thoughts which led to thinking they were not good enough and doubting their future, leading to a vicious and destructive circle:

It’s kind of like a vicious circle … you start telling yourself that you’re not good enough because you’re so lonely … and start to think that it’s going to be like this your whole life and you start to think that you’ve caused it yourself … and that you’ll never find somebody, because you’re not good enough to have friends and you’ll never be able to have children. (P3)

Another participant described that one gets so consumed by the negative feelings which, in turn, leads to thinking that one is alone with the problems:

When you have a bad day … that’s when [loneliness occurs] … or if something bad has happened and you feel like … who can I talk to now … when I get this kind of [feeling] … that my feelings take over … or some kind of anxiety attack … and then you feel very lonely … and like nobody can really understand what you’re experiencing. (P9)

According to several participants, former destructive experiences, such as peer victimization bullying or physical and mental abuse led to the development of issues with trust and avoidance of social contact, which eventually can lead to loneliness. One participant who had been a victim of parental mental and physical abuse said: ‘I have difficulties with relationships and trusting people … I’ve started to realize … now that I’m taking psychology courses … that it’s because of what has happened [mental and physical abuse] … I’ve always had difficulties bonding with people and especially … trusting people.’ (P4) Another participant described how peer victimization affected bonding and trust negatively. Establishing close relationships and bonds seemed harder for individuals who had been exposed to peer victimization. Peer victimization also led to issues with trust:

There was a time in high-school when I was ostracized and bullied … and felt very lonely … and maybe it has led to me having a hard time trusting people … even though I want a close bond I have a hard time establishing one … .or working towards establishing one. (P7)

Another participant described that peer victimization led to thoughts of people not wanting one around, which eventually led to not contacting people: ‘The bullying in high school left a trace emotionally … it’s hard to believe people want to spend time with you … It has led to me not contacting people because I think that they don’t want to spend time with me … and then I become lonely … ’ (P11) The participant also described how being ostracized led to negative thoughts about self and self-blame: ‘Nobody wanted to be with me … it was like … what’s wrong with me … why is it like this … I started to blame myself … that I’m so bad at this and that … ’ (P11)

Negative self-image, self-esteem or insecurity, and difficulties with contacting people

Several participants mentioned that their negative self-image or self-esteem affected loneliness negatively. Negative self-image and self-esteem also led to participants blaming themselves, believing others did not want to be around them, or thinking negative thoughts about themselves, hence avoiding social contact. One participant said that a low self-esteem led to thinking that one’s friends either did not value or disliked the participant:

I think the reason behind it [experiencing loneliness] was my own self-esteem … The anxiety and the low self-esteem made me believe that everyone around me didn’t value me as much as [they did] other people … and then I started thinking … oh … he/she did that because he/she doesn’t like me. (P5)

Another participant mentioned that insecurity led to avoiding social events because of lack of courage or because of shameful thoughts about one’s own actions during social events: ‘It was based on some kind of insecurity. I started avoiding social events … because I somehow feel like it’s embarrassing to attend them … because maybe I will embarrass myself … it’s like you’re thinking degrading thoughts about yourself … ’ (P3) Another participant mentioned that negative thoughts about self led to not contacting or avoiding people: One thing that maybe has led to my loneliness is that I’ve had difficulties with contacting people … because of my thoughts … that they don’t want me to contact them or they don’t have time for me.” (P11) Loneliness was also considered to be stigmatizing by some of the participants. This led to not reaching out, or contacting people about one’s issues, since loneliness was experienced as being shameful. One participant said:

I think there’s a stigma … Firstly I had a hard time talking about it myself … that I felt lonely … until I understood that it’s not a bad thing to feel lonely … or that you don’t have to feel like it’s your own fault. I think a lot of people actually have a hard time talking about loneliness … and especially feel like they don’t have anyone to talk to. (P1)

Another participant mentioned that shame is often associated with loneliness because of the social expectations of having many friends, hence, feeling lonely is shameful: ‘It’s very hard to talk about it. There’s this authority in always hanging out with people and having a lot of friends … feeling lonely is somehow very … awfully … shameful.’ (P3) Fear of people leaving also made it harder to contact them. One participant said: ‘I often feel like I can’t talk about my deepest feelings and thoughts … partly because I think some of it could be used against me … and also because … if some of my friends would find out about it they would leave me.’ (P9)

Different ways of alleviating loneliness

This main theme constitutes different ways of alleviating loneliness. The subthemes were: ‘Preventative methods’ and ‘Coping strategies and tertiary measures’.

Preventative methods

Participants noted that focusing on strengthening one’s self-image, self-awareness and self-esteem was important in preventing loneliness. Being self-aware and building an understanding of self could lead to being able to detect which feelings give rise to loneliness, and how to better cope with these. One participant said: ‘I think you need to have a deeper relationship with yourself and maybe build an understanding of yourself … that way you know what causes your loneliness. I would say that self-awareness is very important.’ (P10) Another participant mentioned that there’s a need to extensively work on socio-emotional competence and self-esteem in school:

There’s a need for a new subject from the outset in primary school, which focuses on strengthening your self-esteem and your socio-emotional competence … and knowledge of how to handle life in general … you can find it in the curriculum today … but it’s very woolly … it’s not an actual subject in itself … so it’s easily left out [forgotten]. (P11)

Several participants also mentioned that receptivity, inclusion, knowledge and safety were important factors when it comes to preventing loneliness. Participants described that people in general need be willing to listen and involve others: ‘I think people need to have a willingness to receive … and to listen’ (P2) Another participant mentioned the following: ‘Other children have a responsibility to involve others … especially people who are lonely or if someone new enters the class.’ (P4) One participant said that people need to create an environment that is suitable for everyone: ‘Other people need to be receptive … you also need to create an environment where everybody has a place to socialize.’ (P8)

Knowledge was also considered to be of importance when it comes to preventing loneliness. Teaching children how to act when other people experience loneliness and how to cope with difficult emotions that arise from loneliness is important. One participant highlighted the importance of teaching children to socialize and include everyone: ‘It’s the adults who teach children to involve others … and if children don’t know how to be nice to others and that everyone is allowed to be included in play … then they [children] can’t do anything about it … because they haven’t learnt it … ’ (P4) Having a social network of individuals outside one’s family is also crucial. Teaching children how to act towards others could be of importance in school environments. One participant said:

If you attend school it doesn’t help if your family loves you a lot … if you don’t have friends at school it can be very difficult … that’s why I also think it’s important for others to take responsibility and to somehow initiate … and to learn a way of thinking which leads to a behaviour that … if someone is lonely then I should go over there. (P2)

Learning how to cope with emotions could also be a positive resource in managing loneliness. One participant said: ‘Ideally children would need to learn how to open up about emotions … and that it’s okay to experience emotions … and to also know that you are not alone … there are people who care about you.’ (P10) Many participants also described feeling lonely even though participating in social settings or being a part of social groups. Participants maintained that it is crucial for teachers and other adults to be aware that participation in social groups does not ensure or protect against emotional loneliness. One participant described how feelings of loneliness still occurred even though participating in different groups:

One thing I did in high school was that I just sat with someone so the teachers wouldn’t be worried that I was lonely … even though I actually didn’t feel like they were my friends … but If I sat there the teachers were happy … that’s what people look at … if you’re not physically lonely people assume that you’re not lonely … even though that’s not the case … You can feel lonely even if you sit with people … and you don’t have to feel lonely if you sit alone.” (P11)

Several participants also mentioned that safety in family environments and support from teachers constituted important preventive factors against loneliness. Participants described how building safe family environments are crucial in alleviating loneliness by acknowledging and including each individual in the family:

Family is very important … if it’s a functioning family … they have an important role in acknowledging the person” (P2).

Another participant said: “It’s pretty clear that your family should create a place for you … or include you … sadly it’s not like that for everybody today … many families don’t work like that. (P8)

Support and help from teachers could also serve as very important resources during young adulthood. One participant said:

When I spoke to my teacher and she inspired me very much … I started to believe that everything was going to work out … I know that I can ask her if I need help with anything and that she can support me. I also think that the university plays an important role … it’s important for students to know that there are people who can help them, whom they can trust … it’s important to have someone to talk to … (P6)

Normalizing loneliness through media and research could lead to a reduction in shame connected with loneliness. Being informed about how to cope with loneliness could also lead to more effective coping mechanisms against loneliness. One participant said:

It should be acknowledged that it’s completely normal … and that it happens … and that there are other people who also experience it. I think there should be for example, YouTube videos about it … that people experience loneliness … that also include ways to cope with loneliness and how to deal with the emotion. (P1)

Normalizing loneliness could also lead to a reduction of the stigma connected with loneliness. Another participant said: ‘In my experience it would be weird if someone said … I feel lonely … people would react like … oh no … I feel like one thing … could be that … it would come to light that it is pretty normal … in the media and in research like you’re doing right now.’ (P2)

Coping strategies and tertiary measures

Participants mentioned that there were several measures they employed to alleviate feelings of loneliness. Acceptance, adaptation and a positive mindset were considered to alleviate loneliness. Participants also described that one of the coping strategies when feeling lonely was to occupy oneself with other activities. Supporting contacts and social networks and easily accessible therapy were also considered to be of importance. One participant described how accepting feelings of loneliness was the most effective method in reducing loneliness:

I accept things as they are … I don’t contemplate why it’s the way it is … or if things could have turned out differently if I had acted in a different way … it’s more like … okay, things are the way they are right now … and I choose what to do with them … I just accept it. (P10)

Another participant described that allowing oneself to feel emotions and accepting those that arise led to being able to move forward: ‘I think I just let myself feel what I felt … and then at some point I told myself … That’s enough … and then I continued on with my life.’ (P1)

Many participants described how they were unfamiliar with being alone when they first moved out from their families, and that it was a process of adaptation to come to terms with their feelings of loneliness. One participant described how being alone for the very first time gave rise to feelings of emptiness and isolation, until being able to adapt to the situation:

… when I moved to my study location I lived by myself … it wasn’t fun … I was used to having my family and friends around me all the time … I felt very lonely and isolated … up until I became comfortable with it somehow. I remember that it wasn’t very often that I didn’t play music, listened to a podcast or listened to something so I wouldn’t feel the silence. (P10)

The participant also described how one needs to adapt to spending time alone again after being around a lot of people: ‘You get so used to it [being around people] … when you spend time with someone … and then when you’re alone it gets difficult. I was very anxious in the beginning … but now I’ve gotten used to it … and now I think it’s very nice to be alone.’ (P10) Exposing oneself to loneliness and practicing spending time alone has the potential of alleviating loneliness and the stigma associated with it. One participant said: ‘I went on a trip … in three months I was all alone. I tried to practice being okay with myself and I think I also did. I wanted to do everything by myself … only think about myself … and now I feel like it’s very nice to be alone … the stigma has somehow disappeared.’ (P3)

A positive mindset and focusing on the positive aspects of alone time alleviated feelings of loneliness according to some participants. One of them said:

I think it has to do with my own attitude towards myself. I’ve realized that I still have my own things that I like to do and that I don’t have to have people around me all the time. Nowadays during the times when I’m alone … I consider it to be time when I get to reflect on things … and I don’t have to consider other people … and what other people want … I can be all by myself. (P10)

The participants also said that choosing to focus on positive resources that were accessible helped them to cope with loneliness: ‘I usually focus on the positive aspects … what is accessible at the time … it can be to exercise, dance or read something.’ (P10) Another participant mentioned how focusing on the future and how one could improve the situation led to being able to move on:

When I had dug a hole with my feelings I started to reverse things … and look forward … to the future … and how I could improve the situation and make a change … I let myself dig a deep hole with my feelings … but after a while I told myself … that it’s enough … now it’s time to move forward. (P1)

The participants found occupying themselves with activities to help during times of loneliness. One participant described how it felt better after doing something else: ‘I occupy myself with something … it could be doing the dishes … or something else … It’s still there [the feeling of loneliness] … but it feels better.’ (P9) Another participant described how focusing on something else enabled a calming down and return to thinking logically during times when loneliness became extremely difficult to handle:

I have a set of notes that I read when it gets tough … that says that I should focus on feeling good, that I won’t die today … that I will get through this … and things that I could do … like going for a walk or drinking a glass of water … I don’t know if it’s the notes themselves that helps or the fact that I focus on something else and calm down … and start to think logically again. (P4)

Supporting social contact through low threshold events and happenings were also considered to be important aspects in alleviating loneliness by several participants. Social venues such as events, hobbies or participation in associations, where they can meet others with similar interests or lifestyles could be important when it comes to finding a sense of belonging, purpose, and establishing new social networks and friends. One participant said: ‘I think it (voluntary activities) could play a very important role for those who don’t have a sense of belonging … that they’re easily accessible and that there are a lot of activities … it creates places for a lot of people with different interests to find where they belong … ’ (P3) Another participant described how hobbies helped to find friends and led to a feeling of belonging: ‘What has helped me the most is that … I found a hobby that I like very much that was social and where I found people that I get along with very well … We have a great community.’ (P11)

Easily accessible therapy and guidelines for therapy should also be further developed and considered as a tool for individuals who experience loneliness. One participant said: ‘I’ve been in therapy and it has helped with my loneliness a lot … that [therapy] could be made more easily accessible somehow … ’ (P9) Another participant described how the threshold for therapy is heightened because of confidentiality, especially for victims of abuse. Social support workers, psychologists and counsellors should be further informed and educated on how to deal with situations when a person is at increased risk. One participant described how therapy sessions stopped because of confidentiality issues:

I tried when I was younger [see psychologist counselor] but they called home … and it only got worse … because it was my fault that I had told someone … I think there should be a change in confidentiality … everyone has confidentiality … but the person with custody … they [therapists or counselors] have the right to tell them … I think it’s wrong … especially if it gets worse because of it … (P4)

Having a balanced social life combined with periods of being alone is crucial for young people. According to several participants, periods of alone time enabled the individuals to recharge, reflect and was also considered vital when it comes to processing emotions and self-knowledge and inner or personal development. One participant said:

I can also appreciate being alone … I then get to recover … and I’m able to rest my mind. In some way you come in contact with the person you really are … there’s a self that only exists when you’re alone … and it can be healthy to remind yourself that it exists (the self) … and you have to be in contact with it so you don’t always get affected by other people’s presence … (P5)

Another participant spoke about how individuals need a balance between alone time and spending time with people:

It’s a balance between being with people and being alone. If I spend too much time alone I start to feel bad, but if I spend too much time with people I also start to feel bad … Especially for me since I’m highly sensitive and introvert I get really exhausted from being around people … ” (P11)

What’s important is for adults to illustrate that an adolescents’ need for spending time apart or together with others differs depending on the individual. Another participant said:

It’s also important to address that loneliness in itself isn’t negative … that you can be happy and still be alone … and to know that it differs between people … some people feel good when they hang out with a lot of people … others need to be one on one. (P11)

Discussion

The aim of this study was to examine loneliness from adolescents’ and young adults’ perspectives. We found social transitions such as moving to a new study location to be vulnerable periods during adolescents’ lifetime, leading to difficulties in establishing new social networks and friends. Also Perlman and Peplau (1998) mention that the onset of loneliness is often triggered by a precipitating event such as the disruption of social relations through moving to a new town, or by separation from friends and loved ones (Perlman & Peplau, 1998), or by becoming part of a circle of friends in one’s college (Vaarala et al., 2013). Research has shown that during university studies, adolescents might have difficulties with establishing new relationships, have smaller social network sizes and react to stress more strongly (Tornstam et al., 2010). Identifying with university friendship groups has proven to be protective against negative mental health outcomes (Mclntyre et al., 2018), as has quality-based relationships with peers during college years (Perlman & Peplau, 1998). Zhu et al. (2019) explain that improving the school environment can be necessary in promoting adolescents’ mental health. Previous studies have also revealed that living in rural areas can affect loneliness negatively among young and middle-aged adults (Rönkä et al., 2014). Lack of transportation has also been shown to increase feelings of loneliness (Tornstam et al., 2010). Additionaly, studies have demonstrated that contact frequency with friends is associated with loneliness among young adults (Franssen et al., 2020). This is in line with the findings in this study, which indicate that isolation from friends and community, by living in rural areas, can be a risk factor for loneliness, especially for individuals without friends in school or who are situated in negative family environments. Living at a long distance from friends and family and not maintaining contact with friends, led to the feeling of not having anyone to contact which, in turn, increased loneliness.

According to the findings of this study, group differences in terms of age, ethnicity, language or interests, can lead to not being able to establish close relationships in a group, or to feeling deviant. These findings correspond with the results of the study by Vaarala et al. (2013) which suggests that life-style factors, such as different interests and hobbies, are associated with loneliness. Other studies have also revealed an association between ethnicity and loneliness among young and early middle-aged adults (Franssen et al., 2020), while experiences of alienation or deviancy have also been considered to be a cause of loneliness (Tornstam et al., 2010). The findings in this study also indicate that viewing other companionships, either through social media or in real life, often led to comparisons, negative feelings and self-blame. The association of loneliness with negative experiences such as self-blame amongst adolescents has been found in previous research (Hemberg et al., 2021). Emotions that often triggered or co-occurred with loneliness were ill-being or negative emotions, which led to overwhelming feelings of loneliness. Social media has been shown to impact loneliness negatively in former studies, resulting in feelings of inferiority when seeing what is perceived as other people’s exciting lives and broad social networks (Vaarala et al., 2013). An association between loneliness and long-term stress (Segrin et al., 2018) and anxiety has also been found in former studies (Hemberg et al., 2021; Mclntyre et al., 2018; Perlman & Peplau, 1998). Long-term stress has also been shown to lead to negative health risk behaviours such as substance use (Segrin et al., 2018). Academic stressors such as assessment stress have also been proven to require heavy psychological resources, leading to risks of developing mental health issues (Mclntyre et al., 2018). Focusing on decreasing ill-being and preventing negative experiences in school environments would be important in alleviating loneliness.

The findings in this study highlight that social expectations on socialization or partnership lead to feelings of shame or deviancy if adolescents are unable to live up to expectations. Previous research has established that sociocultural norms can affect desires and expectations on social engagement, causing loneliness if these normative expectations cannot be met (Ayalon et al., 2015). According to previous research, avoiding social contact (Rönkä et al., 2014), fear of social situations (Vaarala et al., 2013) and social anxiety (Maes et al., 2019), insecurity during childhood (Tornstam et al., 2010), dysfunctional family relations (Zhu et al., 2019), peer victimization (Løhre, 2012; Stickley et al., 2016; Vaarala et al., 2013), low self-esteem (Vaarala et al., 2013) and lack of trust (Qualter et al., 2013) have been associated with loneliness. Our findings suggest that former negative experiences such as peer victimization or physical and mental abuse result in issues with trust and bonding, indirectly affecting loneliness through the avoidance of social contact, and that negative self-image also leads to adolescents avoiding social contact. Previous research has also shown that being excluded from social groups can cause experiences of loneliness amongst adolescents in terms of a sense of emptiness inside and of being perceived as invisible in the eyes of others (Hemberg et al., 2021). In addition, former studies propose that perceiving one’s parents as caring and having close friends work as protective factors against loneliness (Von Soest et al., 2020). Rejection can also lead to difficulties in integrating with peers, in turn leading to less friendships and hence loneliness (Tornstam et al., 2010). Goossens (2018) has found that young adults who experience loneliness might also avoid social situations as a way of protecting themselves from further rejection, which in turn might result in loneliness becoming chronic in nature. Adolescents who are exposed to peer victimization or abuse can be at increased risk of becoming chronically lonely due to social avoidance and, therefore, preventive actions are fundamental for decreasing loneliness. In this regard, we also want to highlight the importance of focusing on developing more effective preventive methods against peer victimization and dysfunctional family relationships, and administering more effective assistance for those adolescents who are situated in these circumstances.

According to the participants, interventions that focus on strengthening adolescents’ and young adults’ self, through self-esteem and self-image, working on receptivity and inclusion, expanding knowledge and safe environments, were important factors in alleviating loneliness. Normalizing loneliness through research and media was also considered important regarding the de-stigmatization of loneliness. Previous research has shown that low self-esteem and poor social skills might lead to difficulties in initiating relationships, thus strengthening the importance of focusing on interventions that improve social skills and self-esteem (Perlman & Peplau, 1998). Family relationships and behaviour in caretakers are also important factors as regards to how well children handle social situations (Tornstam et al., 2010). Research has also revealed that individuals benefit from having a large social network and social support (Perlman & Peplau, 1998), whereas a strong identification and formation of bonds with university friends are also important factors in maintaining mental health. We want to stress that working towards safe environments, receptivity and inclusion as well as accumulating knowledge can lead to adolescents gaining stronger social support and developing stronger bonds with their peers.

According to the findings in this study, acceptance, adaptation, and a positive mindset were considered to alleviate symptoms of loneliness to some extent. Focusing on measures that promote contact, occupation and formation of social networks, can lead to an accumulated social network size and a sense of belonging which could function as a positive resource in loneliness. Previous studies by Vaarala et al. (2013) have also underscored that self-acceptance and positive and hopeful thinking help during difficult times. Increasing opportunities for social contact has also shown effect in alleviating loneliness (Perlman & Peplau, 1998). Research also emphasizes that individuals who experience less belongingness are especially vulnerable to feelings of loneliness, depression and rejection from peers. High levels of belongingness are thought to buffer negative impacts of low peer acceptance (Baskin et al., 2010). Social venues and hobbies can be places for individuals to meet new people (Perlman & Peplau, 1998), resulting in feelings of belonging. Developing and enhancing social venues to be easily accessible could also increase the chances of attendance for adolescents who avoid social contact. Finally, according to the findings in this study, instructions for counselling may work as a resource among adolescents and young adults experiencing loneliness. Several therapeutic interventions can assist lonely individuals, for instance, social skills training programmes, shyness and assertion training groups as well as cognitive behavioural therapy (Perlman & Peplau, 1998). Focusing on more easily accessible therapy and instructions for therapy among lonely adolescents and young adults could lead to more individuals attending therapy.

Limitations

A limitation of this study might be the process of sampling since a different model than self-selection could have created a different sampling group which, in turn, might have resulted in somewhat diverse findings. Strengths include that both males and females participated and the wide age range among the participants. The fact that all participants were from a minority group called ‘finlandssvenskar’, meaning Swedish-speaking Finns (whose mother tongue is Swedish) might constitute a source for bias. However, one of the researchers is a very experienced qualitative researcher familiar with interview techniques. Thus, we find that this study has generated a trustworthy and nuanced depiction of adolescents’ and young adults’ experiences of loneliness and its alleviation.

Conclusion

We have seen that several risk factors for loneliness were found amongst adolescents: social transitions, isolation, not having anyone to contact, group differences, social expectations, ill-being, negative emotions, former negative experiences, negative self-image and difficulties in contacting people. For alleviating loneliness, preventive methods, coping strategies and tertiary measures should be considered. Measures that focus on strengthening adolescents’ negative self-images and their school environment as well as education regarding effective coping strategies could work as preventative resources in an effort to reduce involuntary loneliness. Establishing low threshold social venues as well as more effective directions for therapy may lead to individuals establishing a broader social network and more attendance in therapy. Future studies should focus on exploring which methods are most effective when it comes to alleviating different kinds of loneliness. Another aim for future research could be to explore which kinds of preventive actions should be undertaken in order to prevent the risk factors for experiencing involuntary loneliness.

Acknowledgements

The authors would like to thank the participants in this study. The work was carried out at: Åbo Akademi University, Faculty of Education and Welfare studies, Department of Caring Sciences, P.B. 311, 65101 Vaasa, Finland.

Disclosure statement

The author state that there are no sources of conflicts.

Ethical approval

The study was granted ethical approval by an ethical committee at the university where the researchers were situated. The study followed the ethical guidelines outlined by the Finnish National Advisory Board on Research Ethics (2012) and the respondents offered their informed consent.

Author contributions

Amanda Sundqvist contributed to the study conception, design, data collection, data analysis, discussion and drafted the manuscript. Jessica Hemberg contributed to the study conception, design, data collection, data analysis, discussion and provided critical reflections.

Additional information

Funding

This research recieved funding from the foundation Högskolestiftelsen i Österbotten and from Svensk-Österbottniska Samfundet.

Notes on contributors

Amanda Sundqvist

Amanda Sundqvist is a master student in Health sciences at the at the Department of Caring sciences at Åbo Akademi University in Vaasa, Finland. Her research interests are adolescents' and young adults' mental health and lonelines.

Jessica Hemberg

Dr. Jessica Hemberg, PhD, RN, PHN, associate professor, is a senior lecturer in Caring Science and Health Sciences at the Department of Caring sciences at Åbo Akademi University in Vaasa, Finland. She is currently the leader of a research project on loneliness and adolescents. She has done research within the field of loneliness, meaningfulness, well-being and quality of life amongst frail older adults. Other research areas are within ethical and existential issues of caring of adults, compassion and co-creation in home care as well as on leadership in nursing and caring from ethical point of views.