Searching for Love and Expecting Rejection: Implicit and Explicit Dimensions in Cocreating Analytic Change

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Notes

¹I differentiate among three forms of idealization: (a) idealization as a defense that betrays a sense of brittleness and a feeling of it covering something; (b) idealization as a relational pattern wherein it was learned that idealization of the other was required to maintain the attachment and results in a diminished sense of self; and (c) an idealizing selfobject connection, as previously delineated, that is vitalizing and self enhancing. The first two forms of idealization need to be analyzed and disrupted, and the third form needs to be lived in and will mature as the analysis proceeds.

²Critical, in my view, was understanding and acknowledging my relational theme, not its historical origins, that sensitized me to, and increased my reactivity to, the pressure, understanding that most analysts would have responded aversively to these moments of Natalie's anxiety-based pressure. Sharing the historical origins can add understanding and level the playing field, so long as it is done briefly and without becoming overly focused on the analyst.