What we want: Older widows and widowers speak for themselves

Abstract

Social workers helping older people who have been bereaved may find the issue of remarriage crops up in discussion. It may be helpful to develop ideas in respect of this issue and this article sets the context and discusses the choices and expectations involved. The article arises from my study of gendered differences in the meanings of widowhood to older men and women in the medium and long term after the loss of their spouse. The respondents were born before 1930 (at least 65 years old at time of interview), widowed for a minimum of two years and had not remarried. Twenty five widows and twenty six widowers were interviewed in-depth, with a semi-structured interview guide and encouraged to talk about their history, marriage, present life and future. The principal theme that emerged was of new partnership formation and the feasibility and desirability of such action, in other words, the constraints and choices around sharing one's life again. The analysis revealed complex picture of relationship and friendship matrices which transcended the simple dichotomy of whether an older widow or widower wished or otherwise to get remarried.