“Do you have kids? Do you have kids? How many kids do you have?” the enforcement of hegemonic gender in Australian society

ABSTRACT

This research explored women’s lived experiences of societal enforcement of motherhood through mechanisms of surveillance and judgement. Using a descriptive qualitative phenomenological design, 24 Australian women were interviewed about their lived experiences as women within society. Thematic analysis revealed five themes: women’s enforcement of hegemonic gender; the enforcement of motherhood in public and private spaces; labelling to control women; the gendered nature of social control; and the impacts of enforcement of motherhood. Overall, this study’s findings draw attention to how the surveillance, and subsequent judgement, of women within society plays an important role in maintaining the unrealistic expectations placed on women to become mothers and adhere to the ideology of good motherhood. Competition, surveillance and judgement are central to keeping women subordinate and distracting them from the ways in which structures of hegemonic gender function to oppress them within society. If freed from the constraints of hegemonic gender, mothering could be a site of equality where power is shared between parents rather than a site for continued oppression.

KEYWORDS:

• Hegemonic gender
• motherhood
• surveillance
• social control

Introduction

In Australia, as in many other countries, the capacity to become a mother and to mother intensively continues to be positioned as a compulsory and desired component of adult femininity (Arendell, 1999; Macleod et al., 2020). However, not all women want to or do become mothers, and the sociocultural pressure to do so is not experienced in the same way by all groups of women (Macleod et al., 2020).

Western neoliberal ideology positions motherhood as an individual choice, sitting outside the influence of broad structures within society (O’Reilly, 2020). In contrast, Rich (1995) defines motherhood as a patriarchal institution, defined and controlled by men to ensure their continued position atop the gender hierarchy. A feminist lens distinguishes between the oppressive versus empowering components of being a mother (Rich, 1995; O’Reilly, 2020). The term ‘mothering’, as opposed to ‘motherhood’ is female-defined and centred, therefore empowering to women (Rich, 1995). This distinction allows an analysis of how ‘motherhood’ functions to regulate women’s ‘mothering’ experiences and practices within society.

Motherhood as a form of patriarchal control of women exists within and across multiple levels of social ecology, organized by social structures of hegemonic gender. These maintain the traditional gender order through assigning different values, responsibilities and power to two socially and politically recognized gender statuses – woman or man – with greater value, power and resources allocated to men (Budgeon, 2014; Connell & Pearse, 2015; Paechter, 2018; Schippers, 2007).

At the individual level, hegemonic gender structures powerfully shape aspirations, choices and social interactions, and create and maintain the socio-cultural construction of motherhood as central to adult femininity (Bartholomaeus & Riggs, 2017; Bugden et al., 2021; Gillespie, 2003; Maher & Saugeres, 2007; Turnbull et al., 2020). At the interactional/cultural level, mothering is shaped by hegemonic gender structures via social reward or punishment for aligning with ‘good’ vs ‘bad’ motherhood ideology (Bugden et al., 2021). Good motherhood is represented by ‘intensive mothering’ which maintains women must be the primary caregiver, ensure that motherhood comes before any other life aspiration such as a career, and balance the significant personal time, energy and resourcing of mothering in a way that disproportionately benefits the secondary carer (Hays, 1996; Turnbull et al., 2020). At the institutional/organizational level, pronatalist discourses are enacted in policies which fail to support mothers to navigate the unrealistic burden of paid and unpaid work associated with mothering (Coombe et al., 2019; Graham et al., 2016).

Theoretical perspectives on gender argue gendered practice, performance and/or expression at the interactional/cultural level are essential to maintaining the gender hierarchy (Connell & Pearse, 2015; Paechter, 2018; Schippers, 2007). This paper will explore how the patriarchal institution of motherhood maintains hegemonic gender at the cultural/interactional level through mechanisms of social control and surveillance, enforcing intensive ‘good’ mothering ideology, to maintain women’s overall oppression within society.

Social control has been conceptualized as being simultaneously consensual/enabling, in that conforming to social norms is associated with social rewards, as well as coercive/restrictive via state surveillance of people labelled as ‘deviant’ or ‘problematic’ for failing to conform to social norms (Honkatukua & Keskinemn, 2018). Similarly, surveillance is a tool to regulate, define and control people and maintain the existing social order (Nakamura, 2015). Internal surveillance is a system of discipline through which people come to police or self-regulate themselves, in response to perceived scrutiny and judgement by others (Grant et al., 2018); for example, there are a range of symbolic and substantive strategies scrutinizing women regulating their bodies (Doan & Schwarz, 2020). In the context of motherhood, this means understanding how the institution of motherhood creates and sustains good motherhood ideologies which justify and regulate the subordination of women (Rich, 1995; Tucker, 2010). This research explores the ways that hegemonic gender functions to control women through the enforcement of motherhood and its surveillance in public and private spaces.

Methods

This study implemented a descriptive qualitative phenomenological design, which allows for flexible, inductive inquiry and understanding meaning, interpretations and individuals’ experiences of the world in which they live (Liamputtong, 2013). This design empowered participants to share their lived experiences of hegemonic gender and motherhood, and allowed for rich insight into the enforcement of motherhood within society. Ethics approval was obtained (HREC-18496).

Women who resided in Victoria, Australia, aged between 25 and 45 years, who spoke English and provided informed consent, were eligible to participate in this study. To capture the similarities and differences in women’s experiences of the enforcement of motherhood across the reproductive lifespan, a maximum variation sampling approach was implemented to recruit six women from each of the following age categories: 25–29, 30–34, 35–39, and 40–45 years. No additional selection criteria were used. Recruitment occurred online (Wilson & Usher, 2017) through promoting the recruitment flyer on Facebook.

Seven participants did not have children. Of these, two worked part-time and five worked in full-time paid employment. Seventeen participants had children; one worked in full-time paid employment, five were full-time stay-at-home parents, and eleven balanced caring responsibilities with part-time paid work. Twenty participants were in committed heterosexual relationships. Eight women resided in regional Victoria and sixteen resided in the Melbourne metropolitan area.

All 24 participants provided an initial in-depth, unstructured, phone interview, lasting between 60 and 90 min. The initial interviews began with an open-ended question: ‘Tell me about your experiences of how Australian society views the role of women?’. Prompts and probes relating to women’s motherhood aspirations were then used to explore participants’ lived experiences of hegemonic motherhood. Of these 24 women, eight participated in a second interview six to twelve months later which aimed to explore if/how women’s lived experiences of the enforcement of motherhood changes over time. Participants were asked the same open-ended question as the initial interview, followed with probes and prompts which allowed the research to understand the meaning, interpretations and individual experiences of the patriarchal institution of motherhood which shapes the world in which they live as women.

Interviews were audio recorded, transcribed and member-checked. Transcripts were de-identified and pseudonyms assigned.

Data were thematically analysed using Braun and Clarke’s (2006) six phases. Immersion in data occurred first through reading and re-reading of participant transcripts, followed by line-by-line coding of data into re-occurring ideas/important features of women’s experience of motherhood. Codes were collected into potential themes, before being reviewed against the coded extracts and entire data set to generate a map of the thematic analysis. Themes were refined to ensure they told an inclusive story about women’s lived experiences of the enforcement of motherhood before the most vivid extracts from each theme were selected to illustrate the findings of this paper.

Findings

Five interacting and overlapping themes emerged relating to women’s experiences of the enforcement of hegemonic gender through the institution of motherhood: women’s enforcement of hegemonic gender; the enforcement of motherhood in public and private; labelling to control women; the gendered nature of social control; and the impacts of the enforcement of motherhood.

Women’s enforcement of hegemonic gender

Participants believed women were socially conditioned into thinking that conforming to hegemonic gender would ensure they were labelled ‘good’ women and ‘good’ mothers who understood their position within the gender order: subordinate to men but dominant over other women who failed to meet the ideals of hegemonic gender. However, many participants identified how restrictive this conformity was as follows:

It’s pretty, pretty narrow definition of what a woman is and you know, if you’re too far either end of the scale then you’re kind of out there. So if you’re not into dressing in a stereotypical feminine way and with all the trappings that go with that, then you know you’re labelled as being a bit more on the butch side or, and then if you’re the other end of the scale, and you go really over the top- you might dress what some people might call a ‘provocative way’, then you might get labelled ‘a slut’. So, I think it’s a very narrow band that women can be expected to fall into.

(Sally, 36, two children)

Participants’ accounts reflected an understanding of how hegemonic gender demands competition amongst women, and how this coerces women into maintaining and reinforcing hegemonic gender through surveillance and judgement of other women. For example, Sarah (40, two children) explained

It’s like the goal posts are constantly being moved. The rules change constantly and if that’s the case, we’re never ever really going to be ‘good’ mothers in the eyes of society until we are the ones that stop judging each other for our choices, because they’re different to somebody else’s, you know, we’re never really going to be good mothers.

Competition between women to achieve the social rewards of hegemonic gender was an important mechanism through which compulsory motherhood and ‘good motherhood’ was enforced. Renata (34, two children) suggested women have ‘cognitive dissonance’ and Scarlett (36, two children) believed

Women can be very hard on each other regardless of the setting and I think that that can equate to pressures that we feel about going back to work too early or not going back to work or breastfeeding vs not breastfeeding. It’s something that people feel very comfortable talking to you about when it’s not invited and that I found quite shocking.

Many participants felt competition between women was a barrier preventing them from empathizing with each other and understanding their common oppression. For example, Rosie (32, one child) explained

I was feeling judged by her [a friend] but then it was really interesting, it really struck me … that maybe she was feeling judged because she was like not doing enough things for herself. Even though I don’t feel like I do enough things for myself. I’m wondering if she’s also feeling that?

Recognizing the additional layer of surveillance and judgement experienced by women without children, Sophia (41, five children) elucidates

I love being a Mum but I hate when people judge people for not being one, you know. I find the women who have chosen not to [have children] have great strength, because they’ve had to put up with it.

The enforcement of motherhood

Participants’ lived experience of the enforcement of motherhood existed across a spectrum from subtle to explicit surveillance. Motherhood, and more specifically ‘good mothering’, was constructed as a mandatory part of womanhood by family, friends, colleagues, medical professionals and strangers. While many women anticipated this, they were also shocked by it. For example:

My mum said, ‘Oh, you know’, She’s like, ‘when you’re parent though, you know, you just see people without kids and you’re happy for them, but you just know they’re missing out on something special’. And I was like, ‘oh…’. It kind of took me back a bit, because she’s never put any pressure on me about that, in fact, the opposite. She’s like, ‘live your life’.

(Ellie, 27, no children)

Other women’s experiences were more intrusive and explicitly judgemental. For example, Gemma (40, no children) was bombarded with questions from friends and family members including ‘When are you going to have kids?’, ‘You better get moving. You’re getting older now’ and ‘You can’t be single forever’. For Bianca (30, no children), the only way to put an end to this questioning was to lie about her reproductive capacity:

Constantly people are saying ‘Do you have kids? Do you have kids? How many kids do you have?’ Um, and I’ll go, ‘Oh, I don’t have any’, they’re like, ‘Oh well, you’re still young’. And I’m like, ‘Yeah, okay’ … So, I think one day I actually just went ‘Yeah, I just can’t have them’. Um, and the guy just went, ‘Oh my Gosh, I am so sorry’.

Participants’ accounts demonstrated regulation and control through surveillance in both public and private settings. For example, Scarlett (36, two children) reflected on an interaction with her GP:

He told me off because I had organized an appointment that was outside of business hours and he said, ‘Oh, you know, it might be easier for you with work but that’s not how we do children’s immunizations and there have been plenty of other mothers that have been in here between the hours of nine to five’ and then it just snowballed from there and there was so much judgment from this prick. He was just dripping in judgment, and I just felt like a failure, just a complete failure.

Many women reported health professionals’ enforcing ‘good’ mothering ideology through the policing of mothering practices. For example, Rosie (31, one child) felt her midwife was ‘judgy’; Scarlett (36, two children) felt midwives were ‘absolutely fraught with judgement’; and Holly (41, two children) and Renee (37, five children) felt ‘isolated’ as a result of the expectations placed on them from their interactions with midwives coordinating mothers’ group sessions.

Workplaces were another significant public setting through which hegemonic gender was enforced, and where the ideology of the ‘good’ mother clashed with that of the ‘good’ worker. For example, women without children experienced judgement from male colleagues who refused to accept that not having children was ‘an okay position for a woman’ (Amy, 31, no children). While women with children felt penalized for taking time off

I took the entire day off [for a medical appointment] and they had like months’ notice, and there were still little comments being like, ‘Why does she need the whole day off?’ … In my whole pregnancy, I took one unscheduled work day off and I was still being like, treated like I was being unreasonable and then towards the end of it I felt like I was being pushed out.

(Rosie, 31, one child)

Conversely, Linden (26, one child), was bombarded with comments from colleagues exclaiming ‘Oh, you are back [from parental leave] early’.

Women with children also told stories about the social expectations on them to lose their self-identity and inhabit the ‘good’ mother stereotype:

A lot of stereotypes that was imposed on me and you get it, you know, even when you go to the supermarket, it’s just this expectation that this undercurrent that you just, you know, your life stops when you have kids and it just becomes about being a parent, a stay-at-home full-time parent and nothing else. But my husband never encounters that.

(Scarlett, 36, two children)

Some participants felt invisible as women in society whilst also being subjected to heightened surveillance as mothers:

I’d go for my daily walks, um, with the pram, and everyone was looking at the pram, but no one would look at me. Um, and, you know, your pram just becomes a bother to people around you. And difficult, like, the baby cries in, in- everywhere! Cause babies cry. Like, I might be sitting down having a cup of tea or something at a café, and the baby will cry, and everyone looks at you to shut the baby up.

(Adel, 40, one child)

The idea that ‘good’ mothers have at least two children to ensure that your child will not be ‘lonely and spoilt’ (Mandy, 29, one child) was a pressure forced on many women. Linden, 26, spoke about multiple encounters she had with strangers in the supermarket telling her it was ‘time for another one [child]’ once her daughter reached the age of two. In general, even women with children, who experience privilege in other aspects of their lives, were not prepared or supported to navigate the constant societal surveillance and judgement they experienced, leaving them feeling depleted and undermined:

Everything comes with a judgment factor. No matter if it’s food or drink to how many days of daycare they’re doing to whether you’re reading to them or if your child is seen to be behind on something, you know? You’re seen to be as ‘it’s your fault’

(Linden, 26, one child)

Labelling to control women

This theme reflects the societal labels participants experienced as women which were used as a means of social control. Labels included being a ‘selfish’ childless woman, being ‘just’ a stay-at-home mum, or failing to meet the standards of a ‘yummy mummy’.

Participants described how women without children were positioned as ‘missing out’ on true fulfilment (Ellie, 27, no children). Charlotte (25, no children) felt that ‘as a female saying that “I don’t want to be a primary carer of a child, it’s just not a responsibility that I want and it’s not a responsibility that I have to have”. I think that can be viewed as selfish’. Similarly, Sophia (41, five children) was frustrated at this labelling:

Women who don’t have kids are often labelled selfish, which is just the most ridiculous thing ever. They’re making a choice based on their circumstances… To label it selfish?! when there are so many reasons not to have kids.

Despite the increasing involvement of women within the paid workforce, hegemonic gender continues to mandate motherhood by positioning paid work as secondary to women’s role as mothers. Ellie (27, no children) explained ‘That attitude that “ohh she’s one of them” - one of those “career women”, you know “choose career over kids”. You know? Which I think has negative connotations with it for sure’.

As soon as women became mothers, they experienced ongoing and increasing surveillance. Sophia (41, five children) clarified ‘as soon as we become one [a mother], as women, we’re labelled in a certain way, almost as if our role changes’. Renata’s (34, two children) experience further demonstrated the ways mothers are labelled to ensure that structures of hegemonic gender remain secure: ‘When I became a mother, I was lumped into a mother box. And then I experienced different pigeonholing within that group’.

Participants reported that when women were full-time stay-at-home mothers, they were labelled and stigmatized despite adhering to the expectations of ‘good mothering’. For example:

One of my friends … she’s a stay-at-home mum and it was interesting listening to her when she said, ‘I’m a stay-at-home mum’, and it was like she was wanting to hide under that – not hide under the label, but that fear of being labelled ‘just’ a stay-at-home mum … and it’s kind of like, ‘Well, that’s freaking amazing that you’re doing that’. She kind of followed up with, ‘Lucky that I can do that’ and you could tell by the way she was saying things that she’s been judged for it before.

(Gemma, 39, no children)

Similarly, participants with children who stayed home full time had felt judged for doing so, demonstrating how social control functions through surveillance. Sophia (41, five children) explained:

When people ask you what your job is, what your career is? And you say, I’m a mum, I’m a stay-at-home mum. Usually the reaction is ‘oh … and what else?’ It’s almost as if it’s seen as a lesser position because you’re not out there earning money.

Lastly, the appearance and perceived effort women with children put into maintaining their appearance was subject to surveillance through the label of ‘yummy mummy’. Some women actively challenged the harm of this label. For example, Renata (34, two children) was ‘ostracized as “the weird one”’ in her mother’s group because she would ‘problematize’ how women ‘were self-identifying as “yummy mummies”’. In contrast, the internalization of this label had a negative impact on other women’s wellbeing:

A lot of girls in my mothers’ groups were ‘yummy mummies’ who had just snapped back [into shape], and so that for me was like, I can’t handle this … One of them did make a comment being like, ‘oh yeah, you know I used to exercise 2 days a week and then I pushed it up to 3 and then I saw a difference’, implying that maybe I don’t do that, when I was already exercising 4 times a week! you know? So, it was just little comments like that.

(Rosie, 31, one child)

The gendered nature of social control

Participants’ accounts demonstrated how, at the interactional/cultural level, their male partners were not subjected to the same level of surveillance and critique. Conversely, women’s male partners received substantial praise from strangers for providing care to their children in public. As illustrated by Charlotte (26, no children) ‘Dad takes the kids to the park once a week and it’s “Ohh aren’t you a good dad!”, “Look at you! Super dad!”’. In contrast, women were ‘criticized for every little thing that they do’. Sophia (41, five children) felt ‘a dad or a man does a little something and they’re worshipped, but the mum does the same thing and she gets stereotyping and comments’. Lastly, Larelle (30, one child) shared:

My partner gets praised and celebrated if he takes a day off to care for our sick child. Or even if he just leaves early to do a day care pick up, it’s great, ‘What a good dad!’. No one has ever congratulated me for being a good mother. I’ve never had ‘Oh gee, aren’t you good taking a day off to look after your kid’, it’s just expected.

Similarly, some participants reflected on the differing value assigned to single male parents and single female parents. For example:

People look at single mums and single dads differently and I think that ties back into the ideals and things that we’ve kind of already spoken about and the expectations … Single dads, I think, kind of get this angelic glow around them, like ‘wow’ you know, ‘wow it’s a man that can be around children! how dreamy!’ [laughs], while single mums get ‘well, she must be a slut’.

(Zoe, 38, one child)

Some women had male partners who wanted to actively challenge hegemonic gender through engaging in their equal share of caring and who, as a consequence, had been met with the ‘mothering gaze’ from society which functions to undermine men’s capability in parenting and relocate men’s roles back towards the confines of hegemonic masculinity:

One time in the supermarket he got asked, ‘Oh, where’s mum today?’ And you know, he’d be like, ‘Oh, she’s at work’. Or the one of he hates the most is, ‘Ohh dad is babysitting today?’. Which he’s got a couple of times. And he’s biting his tongue.

(Linden, 26, one child)

Workplaces were a particularly important setting through which inequitably gendered structures could be encouraged or discouraged. Many women spoke about the lack of support their male partners received when they wanted to engage in caring roles:

When [partner’s name] had time off to support me, his boss wouldn’t look at me the same way, you know … cause I wasn’t at home doing the ‘mothering sort of thing’ and that my husband had, you know, taken the day off to be able to do what I would have done.

(Renee, 37, five children)

Impact of social control

Women’s lived experiences demonstrated a range of impacts associated with the public and private enforcement of hegemonic gender and the institution of motherhood on women. The pressure to be ‘good’ mothers shaped women’s motherhood aspirations, limited their ability to speak freely with other women about their motherhood desires and experiences, and led to motherhood guilt.

Most participants without children were dissuaded from having children because they felt it would be impossible to meet the unrealistic gendered expectations placed on them and the social regulation and judgement they anticipated when inevitably failing to meet those expectations:

You can’t do anything all right. You know? the child is spending too much time inside or they’re not socializing enough, they’re socializing too much, you know. There’s all the regulations and, um, guidelines that just aren’t really feasible.

(Bianca, 30, no children)

Like [as a mother] you have to be everything. And if you don’t do it perfectly every time, there is someone watching you to tell you, you didn’t do it perfectly every time. And I think it is so unrealistic.

(Amy, 31, no children)

Being afraid to have honest conversations about their motherhood aspirations and genuine mothering experiences was directly related to participants’ experiences of social control and surveillance. For example, women without children were too ‘afraid to talk about that viewpoint with other people because we’re afraid to be judged’ (Amy, 31, no children). Similarly, women with children felt motherhood was an isolating experience, ‘difficult to talk about because it’s like you want to talk and get advice, but you don’t always know what other people’s views are’ (Isabelle, 32, one child). For some women, it became ‘a real struggle to get out and about and do anything for myself’ (Adel, 40, one child) for fear of judgement from others. Other women feared not having honest conversations about their mothering experiences maintained unrealistic ideology about mothering and reinforced mothering guilt in others:

So many women don’t talk about how difficult it can be, because of the stigma of not being a good mum, we don’t talk about. So many women just don’t understand, and then when they get into the situation themselves, they think that it’s not normal, and they feel guilty that they’re not doing better when realistically they’re doing the best that they can.

(Sarah, 40, two children)

The fear of being labelled a ‘bad’ mother also kept women isolated from seeking support. For example:

My in-laws have made comments about their niece who’s a single mum. So, I feel I can’t ask for help because of the way they’ve complained about her using the government’s money to put the kids in childcare and using the grandmas’ time to look after the kids, so I feel like I’m not in any place to ask for help from anybody.

(Rosie, 31, one child)

Exhaustion relating to the guilt women were made to feel not being good enough as women and mothers shaped their identity, self-esteem and confidence:

It’s really damaging to a mum, especially a mum who is already desperately trying to do everything they possibly can to give the best to their child. And so, to be told that you’re not doing a good enough job … then you know, that whole ‘I’m not good enough’ chain starts running again. And they [mothers] do begin to question, ‘am I being a good enough mum?’ ‘Is this something that I should do even if I don’t want to do it?’ Like ‘is it the best thing to do for my kid?’ Um, you know, they, they forget about themselves as a human and just put everything into the kid. It’s like, well, ‘is it a good idea for you?’ You know, even if it might be a good idea for the kid.

(Gemma, 39, no children)

The exhaustion accompanying guilt constrained women’s ability to challenge hegemonic gender within society. Scarlett (36, two children) pleaded for people to be kinder towards mothers and consider the impact judgements can have

It’s pervasive, it is deep-seated into society that it’s just the way it is, it’s the way it’s always been. It’s never going to get better in those individual instances unless, as a society, our opinions and our values change because everybody has a mother and everybody can appreciate how hard things were for their mother. Why can’t we extend that kindness to other mothers.

Discussion

Previous research has argued the institution of motherhood and ‘good’ motherhood are used within society to justify and regulate women’s subordination (O’Reilly, 2010; Rich, 1995). The current research supports this, demonstrating the enforcement of motherhood and ‘good’ motherhood at the interactional/cultural level, in public and private settings, is an important mechanism through which social control and surveillance functions to maintain women’s oppression. Aligning with Foucauldian notions of surveillance, when women stepped outside the bounds of hegemonic gender either by choosing not to have children or when their mothering practices failed to adhere to unrealistic standards of good motherhood, they were subjected to a spectrum of judgement from friends, family, community members, health professionals and work colleagues. These judgements discredited women’s self-confidence and agency to make informed decisions about motherhood and mothering. Further, this led to internal surveillance where women self-regulate in response to perceived scrutiny and judgement by others. Labels were used to ensure women understood when they were failing to meet social norms and therefore when they required internal and external monitoring. However, many women discovered that even when conforming to aspects of ‘good’ motherhood ideology, they were still subjected to labels and judgements. As such, their oppression was perceived as a constant and ever evolving part of their lived experience, despite their relative privilege in other social domains, which they were not prepared or supported to navigate. This finding supports past research which suggests motherhood is increasingly subjected to surveillance and that societal surveillance shapes women’s mothering behaviours and identities as they negotiate their motherhood practices in light of norms relating to ‘acceptable’ mothering and to avoid judgement (Grant et al., 2018).

Research from the UK (Tyler, 2008) has explored the vilification of working-class mothers through surveillance techniques, however this focused on the role of the media rather than women’s lived experience of interactional surveillance. Other research has explored the surveillance of mothers who deviate from social norms, for example young mothers (Varadi et al., 2020), mothers from low-income households (Elliott & Bowen, 2018; Mannay et al., 2018), and formerly incarcerated mothers (Aiello & McQueeny, 2016; Mitchell et al., 2019; Sharpe, 2015). However, little research has explored how other groups of women, for example those with privileged identities (middleclass, white, heterosexual, married), experience the enforcement of motherhood and ‘good’ motherhood ideology through judgement and surveillance at the interactional level. Macleod et al. (2020) argues privileged normative categories function to determine a woman’s level of suitability for motherhood (Ross & Solinger, 2017). This means motherhood is expected most from these groups of women and questioned less in research. To our knowledge, this is the first Australian study that gives voice to this experience. Most literature within the last decade explores how good motherhood ideology shapes women’s experiences of maternal guilt and/or the health and wellbeing impacts of the incongruence between motherhood and mothering (Constantinou et al., 2021; Henderson et al., 2016; Liss et al., 2013; Maclean et al., 2021; Rizzo et al., 2013; Sonnenburg & Miller, 2021; Wright et al., 2015). Our research findings add to this body of work, whereby participants’ lived experiences of social control and regulation had a range of impacts, including deterring honest conversations about motherhood which have the potential to challenge hegemonic gender by normalizing realistic experiences and allowing women to make informed motherhood or non-motherhood decision-making. Previous research has argued obscuring the truth of any group’s experiences is an effective way to undercut the power of the group (Tucker, 2010). The current study found the fear of being judged a ‘bad’ mother kept women from sharing the truth of their lived experiences with others. This silencing contributes to women’s oppression and subordination within society.

O’Reilly (2010) argues motherhood is oppressive to women because it denies them selfhood and assigns them full responsibility of mothering without the power, authority or agency to self-determine. Expanding on this, our findings suggest socio-cultural structures of hegemonic gender across multiple layers of society coerce women into being complicit in their own and other women’s oppression through social control and surveillance and the threat of having to forfeit what little social reward they receive for complying with social norms. Through consenting to powerlessness and mutual surveillance within the domain of motherhood, women play an important role in maintaining the gender hierarchy. Like masculinity, which is repeatedly established and validated by other males (Connell & Pearse, 2015; Paechter, 2018), women were coerced into upholding and validating the motherhood mandate and ‘good’ mothering amongst other women. However, this constant competition through surveillance, at the interactional/cultural level, effectively distracts women from the real source of their oppression and redirects their political agency to regulation of self and others. As such, motherhood is central to upholding hegemonic gender insofar as it mandates motherhood, ‘good’ mothering practices, and that women function as agents of patriarchy by engaging in mutual surveillance.

Limited research to date has explored the role women and/or mothers play in maintaining hegemonic gender. One US study explored how mothers’ surveillance of other mothers maintains the ideology of good motherhood (Henderson et al., 2010). The authors found the pressure to be the perfect mother was significantly associated with surveillance by fellow mothers. This pressure was more powerfully reinforced at the interactional level and structural (media) level and suggested modern society has progressed beyond the need for institutional surveillance of mothers. Rather, post-structuralist surveillance is automatic, embedding good motherhood ideology into people’s understandings of themselves and the world (Henderson et al., 2010). Further US research corroborated this, finding surveillance of mothers by themselves and against other mothers was central to the experiences of mother guilt and maintaining good mother ideology (Fielding‐Singh & Cooper, 2023). To explain why women contributed to their own oppression via surveillance of other women, Henderson et al. (2010) argued they engage in horizontal blame for the unattainable expectations of motherhood. In the current study, neoliberal politics dominate in Australia, shifting the focus from structural oppression to individual responsibility. Through this lens, women fail to see the forms of their oppression as they are conditioned to believe their experiences of oppression are within their own control and therefore their own fault, or the fault of other mothers.

Participants in this study reflected on how their male partners were not subjected to the same level of scrutiny and surveillance as women. This broadly aligns to theoretical understandings of hegemonic gender, specifically hegemonic masculinity (Connell & Pearse, 2015; Paechter, 2018), with unpaid childcare being seen as men going above and beyond their gender roles and therefore rewarded with social praise. This study found when men dared to challenge hegemonic masculinity, by actively becoming involved in parenting, they were subjected to the ‘mothering gaze’- the public and private scrutiny reserved for women, functioning to make men feel insecure about their parenting and ultimately prove they should not deviate from the social norm.

Strengths and limitations

Our study presents important findings which contribute to our understanding of theoretic underpinnings of motherhood and hegemonic gender. However, it is not without limitations. This descriptive qualitative phenomenological study drew upon a small sample of women across the reproductive lifespan within Victoria, Australia, and many held privileged identities. This sample is not generalizable to the entire population, nor did it intend to be. Instead, this study aimed to give voice to women’s lived experience of hegemonic gender and motherhood, specifically the enforcement of motherhood within society. Previous research has suggested women with privileged identities can experience more pressure to conform to good motherhood than other groups of women, and therefore experience higher levels of maternal guilt (Wright et al., 2015). As such, this group can be considered an information-rich sample, well suited to the exploration of women’s experiences of the enforcement of motherhood.

Conclusion

The findings of this research draw attention to how the patriarchal institution of motherhood continues to remain central to hegemonic gender, as a means for justifying and regulating the subordination of women. Limited research has explored how motherhood and mothering elicits competition between women. This competition is central to coercing women into self-regulation, mutual surveillance and validating motherhood as central to hegemonic gender. The surveillance (and subsequent judgement and scrutiny) women experience in public and private further maintains women’s subordination by ensuring they feel a constant individual level of inadequacy relating to their mothering or non-mothering aspirations and/or practices. As such, competition, surveillance, and judgement is central to keeping women subordinate and distracting them from challenging the structures of hegemonic gender which oppress them within society. If freed from the constraints of motherhood, mothering could be a site of equality and empowerment, where power is shared between parents rather than a site for continued oppression.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Megan Bugden

Megan Bugden is a PhD Candidate and Lecturer in the Department of Public Health, School of Psychology and Public Health, at La Trobe University. Megan’s research focuses on unequal power structures relating to gender and the impacts of this on women’s reproductive decision making.

Hayley McKenzie

Hayley McKenzie is a Lecturer in Health Sciences in the School of Health and Social Development, Deakin University. Dr McKenzie’s research focuses on family and social policy, and exploring the inequities experienced by particular social groups who are reliant on social and institutional policies.

Lisa Hanna

Lisa Hanna is the Dean of Students, Office of the Dean of Students, at Deakin University, Geelong Waterfront Campus. Professor Hanna is an experienced postdoctoral researcher in public health and health services research, with particular expertise in qualitative methodologies.

Melissa Graham

Melissa Graham is the Head of Department of Public Health at La Trobe University. Associate Professor Graham’s research focuses on the exploration of the lives of women who do not have children, the role of policy on reproductive health, social support for reproductive decision-making, and consequent health and well-being. Her research is underpinned by concepts of social in/exclusion, gender, and equality.