Skilling communication: The discourse and metadiscourse of communication in self-help books

ABSTRACT

In the past few decades, self-help books on communication have ranked among the top titles on bestseller lists. Offering advice about improving communication skills in a variety of contexts, they both reflect and promote a widespread discourse about the importance of good communication in everyday life, in what is in fact a paradoxical endeavor – solving flawed communication with more communication. Based on an analysis of 18 bestselling self-help books, the paper examines the meaning of three recurring themes – “listening,” “awareness” and “practice” – and analyzes the paradoxical relationship between what the books say about communication and how they say it. The findings serve to illuminate the relationship between communication and metacommunication more broadly, which, in turn, helps to explain the conditions by which authors express their ideas – their selection of textuality, despite, and precisely because of, its difference from oral talk.

KEYWORDS:

• communication culture
• communication skills
• communication theory
• metacommunication
• self-help

Acknowledgments

The authors wish to thank Hadar Levy-Landsberg for crucial help.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Notes

¹ The corpus comprises the following books: If I understood you, would I have this look on my face? My adventures in the art and science of relating and communicating (Alda, 2018 [2017]); Improve your communication skills (Barker, 2010 [2006]); Communicate with confidence: How to say it right the first time and every time (Booher, 2012); The 7 habits of highly effective people (Covey, 1989); Surrounded by idiots: The four types of human behavior and how to effectively communicate with each in business (and in life) (Erikson, 2014); How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk (Faber & Mazlish, 1980); Conversationally speaking: Tested new ways to increase your personal and social effectiveness (Garner, 1997); I know what you’re thinking: Using the four codes of reading people to improve your life (Glass, 2002); Men are from Mars, women are from Venus: A practical guide for improving communication and getting what you want in your relationships (Gray, 1992); Getting the love you want: A guide for couples (Hendrix, 1998); How to talk to anyone: 92 little tricks for big success in relationships (Lowndes, 2003); You’re not listening: What you’re missing and why it matters (Murphy, 2020); Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high (Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, & Switzler, 2002); Nonviolent communication: A language of life (Rosenberg, 2002); Difficult conversations: How to discuss what matters most (Stone et al.,1999); You just don’t understand: Women and men in conversation (Tannen, 1990); Communication: Your key to success (Taylor & Lester, 2009); The art of SpeedReading people (Tieger & Barron-Tieger, 1998).