Death, loved ones and relationality: continuities and discontinuities

ABSTRACT

This article explores the bonds between the living and the dead in contemporary Finland. The research data consists of approximately 100 letters collected via a writing call asking respondents to describe their understandings, memories and lived experiences related to deceased loved ones. By using qualitative analysis, the study endeavours to investigate the kinds of relational dimensions that emerge in these continuing bonds. This article looks at the ways in which the dead continue to be embedded in the lives of the living and contribute to the sense of self; it also considers the role of lived experiences, such as encounters with the dead, in creating and maintaining a sense of ongoing connectedness. However, relationships sometimes involve complex and even damaging histories, and this may affect a person’s willingness to continue the bond beyond the grave. Due to this, some relationships are preferably buried with the person. This paper adds to existing studies on continuing bonds by investigating relationality in constructing, maintaining and severing such bonds.

KEYWORDS:

• Continuing bonds
• the dead
• relationality
• absence-presence
• Finland

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank Marja-Liisa Honkasalo for granting me access to the data and for commenting on the manuscript. I would also like to thank the two anonymous reviewers for their valuable comments.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author.

Notes

1. Tony Walter (2000, p. 97) even talks about the ‘medicalisation of grief’.

2. The letter extracts used in this article are translated from Finnish to English by the author.

Due to the sensitive nature of the topic, I have changed the names of the respondents to ensure anonymity.

3. Adaptation of Tanya Luhrmann’s (2012) ‘epistemological double register’: real but not real, not real but more than real.

Additional information

Funding

This study was partially supported by the research project Mind and the Other (2013–2016), funded by the Academy of Finland (AKA266573).

Notes on contributors

Hanna Varjakoski

Hanna Varjakoski is a Doctoral Candidate at the School of History, Culture and Arts Studies, University of Turku, Finland. Her research interests focus on death, old age and ageing.