Monuments for stillborn children and disenfranchised grief in the Netherlands Recognition, protest and solace

ABSTRACT

In the Netherlands, until the years mid eighty of the previous century, in accordance with the so called ‘breaking bonds’ paradigm at the time, children who had died around birth, were immediately separated from the parents. There and above, Roman Catholic rules dictated that children who had not been baptized before they died, would be buried anonymously in hideaway, and in the unconsecrated grounds of the graveyard. This article discusses these parents and their stillborn children. Their loss and grief remained for a long time unacknowledged, resulting in feelings of disenfranchised grief. These feelings increased as a result of the shift of paradigm into continuing bonds with a deceased, developing into the nowadays empathic and intimate contact between parents and stillborn children. With the emergence as of the year 2000 of monuments to stillborn children (in the Netherlands around 160 in total),monuments have become a strategy to cope with feelings of disenfranchised grief.

This article concludes that parents of stillborn children benefit from an honourable place to commemorate and pay respect to their long-time publicly neglected child.

KEYWORDS:

• Stillbirth
• disenfranchised grief
• monument
• continuing bonds
• death ritual
• space

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Notes

1. Documentary on the Neonatology Unit of the Academic Hospital in Groningen, the Netherlands Als we het zouden weten (2008), Petra Lataster – Czisch and Peter Lataster, https://www.2doc.nl/documentaires/series/hollanddoc/2008/als-we-het-zouden-weten0.html accessed 28 May 2019.

2. In this paper, I will follow the definition of stillbirth used at the time of my research by the Nederlandse Vereniging voor Obstetrie and Gynaecologie (Society of Dutch obstetricians and gynaecologists) in their patient education brochure on the loss of a child during pregnancy or during birth. In this brochure stillbirth is defined as: ‘the birth of a child who died during pregnancy (so called intra uterine death of foetus) or around birth’: currently the term ‘perinatal death’ would be more appropriate, https://www.nvog.nl/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Nota-Wet-en-gedragsregels-rond-perinatale-sterfte-2.0-31-05-2013.pdf, consulted 7 June 2019. However, with regard to the monuments, the term ‘stillborn’ is generally accepted, in Dutch levenloos or doodgeboren children are common terms.

3. The results of this research were published in my PhD thesis Postponed monuments in the Netherlands. Manifestation, context, and meaning which I defended in 2015 at the Tilburg University, the Netherlands. All participants to this project gave their informed consent to present the results of study.

4. https://www.nvog.nl/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Begeleiding-bij-foetale-sterfte-en-doodgeboorte-1.0-22-05-2014.pdf, consulted 29 May 2019.

5. For example, the Sint Joseph Ziekenhu is in Eindhoven, the Lambertusziekenhuis in Helmond, J. Speelman: ‘Zoektocht naar de graven van ongedoopte baby’s, het verloren kerkhof’, in Eindhovens dagblad, 13 April 2002.

6. Idem.

7. TV-programma Andere tijden, uitzending van 20 November 2001, Dossier Ongewijde aarde, on https://anderetijden.nl/aflevering/572/Ongewijde-aarde, consulted on 29 May 2019.

8. http://www.brabantscentrum.nl/oud_archief_2004/nieuws/0439_ongedoopt.htm, consulted on 29 May 2019.

9. https://waalwijk.nieuws.nl/evenementen/bloemlegging-bij-monument-doodgeboren-kind-21-juni/, consulted 31 May 2019.

10. http://www.monumentdoodgeborenkindjes.nl/files/stilverdriet3.pdf, consulted 30 May 2019.

11. https://nursingclio.org/2018/10/17/dutch-monuments-for-stillborn-children/, consulted 30 May 2019.

12. All texts translated from Dutch by the author.

13. http://www.deurnewiki.nl/wiki/index.php?title=Monument_voor_herbegraven_overleden_kinderen, consulted 16 July 2018.

14. http://www.heerlen-in-beeld.nl/Kind.htm, consulted 16 July 2018.

15. Recently another public strategy emerged. As of 10 February 2019, parents of stillborn children in the Netherlands will be able to register their children in the Personal Records Database. The birth of a stillborn child has to be registered if the child was born after 24 weeks of pregnancy. Until now, for many parents, their child was still considered ‘nonexistent’ as it does not exist in the registration of birth but only in the death register. Anybody in the Netherlands who has had a stillborn baby can now register them retroactively in the Personal Records Database, following a change in the law. For many parents who lost their child at birth long time ago, this registration may also work as a sign of recognition of the child, http://www.24oranges.nl/2019/02/06/dutch-finally-allow-the-registration-of-stillborn-children/, consulted 30 May 2019.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Laurie Faro

Laurie Faro (1957) has been educated in the field of law and culture studies. In 2015 she completed a PhD research project with a focus on people have been burdened with traumatic experiences in the past, and the impact of their ritual commemoration practices, especially at the site of a public monument. At present she is involved as a teacher and researcher at Radboud University, the Netherlands. Her present research project is entitled: Children handling death: reality versus popular culture. She has published and presented on matters of death and mourning involving children.