Separation between a mother and child: the observer’s role as a container

ABSTRACT

The author describes the process of separation between a mother and her baby in an infant observation. Initially, the observer had a picture of a peaceful mother-and-baby couple, in which he was perceived as a potential intruder. However, the baby’s growing ego and interest in the observer confronted the mother with the presence of three during the observation hour, which seemed to lead her at times to resort to overexcitement to ward off difficult feelings related to separation and the threesome. When the mother went back to work, the struggle with separation became more evident. Overexcitement seemed to be the dominant way of dealing with the pain of separation. When these defences failed, the observer felt that he was the witness to and bearer of the pain. The author discusses the role of the observer in this observation as a container for the painful emotions which the mother and the baby seemed often unable to bear. The author suggests that the observer, as a container, might have been of use to the baby, and explores the observer’s difficulty in bearing the primitive and infantile emotions stirred up within him which provoked a wish for premature, intellectual understanding.

KEYWORDS:

• Male observer
• immigrant family
• separation
• container
• projection
• negative capability

Acknowledgements

I would like to show my gratitude to Dr Margaret Lush for helping me with drafts.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author.

Notes on contributor

Satoshi Handa trained and worked as a general psychiatrist in psychiatric clinics and mental hospitals in Japan. His interest has always been in understanding patients’ experiences particularly of dissociative disorders. In Japan, he undertook further psychotherapy trainings and then came to the UK to train in adult psychoanalytic psychotherapy at the Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust where he also works as an honorary psychotherapist in the Adult Department. He is particularly interested in working with young adults.