Shared Reality in the Self-system: The Social Nature of Self-regulation

Abstract

How others respond to us communicates about the nature of the world around us and our place in it. By accepting these messages about who we are in the world, we create a shared reality with the significant others in our lives that becomes the basis for self-regulation. This shared reality includes the message that the world either has accomplishments to be promoted, inducing a promotion focus, or has dangers and mistakes to be prevented, inducing a prevention focus. Evidence is presented that these different types of regulatory focus influence both people's memory for different life events and their emotional responses to them. Evidence is also presented that: (a) self-regulatory confusion occurs when shared reality with different significant others about desired selves is in conflict; (b) alienation is produced when there is a lack of shared reality with others about one's actual self; and (c) people prefer information about their actual selves that is shared with significant others as compared to equally self-relevant but unshared information. In these ways, shared reality shapes the world that we experience.