Moving Forward: Giving Voice to Partners in a Relationship With Those in Gender Transition

ABSTRACT

How do partners of those in transition make sense of the possibility that their relationship history may become erased, while racing to embrace their future as an intact couple? This article acknowledges the realities many partners experience as their transgender and/or nonbinary partner transitions, which often evokes feelings of loss and possible grief. By navigating grief, based on Kübler-Ross and Kessler’s book On Grief and Grieving, partners learn to heal the loss of their past and accept their unknown future. The article also focuses on sharing insights into the partner’s journey. This knowledge can help mental health professionals support their clients through the various challenges facing some partners of those in transition as they embark on a successful relationship. The material presented and the recommendations offered are derived from the input of one-to-one interviews and written responses of cisgender partners and workshop participation by multiracial and gender-diverse populations. Partners communicated their personal experiences in hopes of providing additional information to clinicians who serve the transgender population. This article affords an opportunity for therapists and academic scholars to view the transition through the lens of the partner.¹

¹ The author claims reservation of all copyrights to all her published and unpublished material. APA 1.15.

Disclosure Statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.

Notes

¹ The author claims reservation of all copyrights to all her published and unpublished material. APA 1.15.

² For consistency, whenever the word partner is used, it refers to the person who was or is in a relationship with someone who now identifies as transgender and/or nonbinary (TGNB). Whenever the term TGNB partner is used, it refers to the person in the relationship who now identifies as TGNB. It must be recognized that more than one individual in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship may now identify as TGNB. Nevertheless, for purposes of this article, it should be understood that in each instance the partner’s journey is voiced from the perspective of the one who is in a relationship with an individual who newly identifies as TGNB, regardless of whether the partner also identifies as TGNB themself. Moreover, whenever TGNB is mentioned, it will also serve as an inclusive term for those individuals who are questioning their gender.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

D. M. Maynard

D. M. Maynard, M.S., M.A. is an author, veteran educator, and the Founder/Director of Maynard’s W.I.S.D.O.M., Inc.—an educational service, who presents internationally to honor the voices and needs of partners, parents, families, and educators of trans and/or nonbinary individuals. She is the co-author of the chapter “Interviews with Partners of Transgender People: On Sex and Intimacy” in the book Sex, Sexuality and Trans Identities: Clinical Guidance for Psychotherapists and Counselors. Her first book in The Reflective Workbook series is The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People: Your Transition as Your Partner Transitions.