Creating Space for Mourning a Lost Father and Husband After September 11: A Therapist's Reflections

Abstract

This article describes how a mother, shortly after the loss of her husband on September 11, 2001, keeps the father in mind, conveying his essence to her children and to the therapists and mothers' group, in the Project for Mothers, Infants, and Young Children of September 11, 2001. A particular bird, a cardinal, that appeared and disappeared from her yard, became a symbol that gave shape and meaning to her mourning for her and for her children. Over time, as one of the therapists, I came to know the lost husband through the accounts of the mother. I gradually held a place in the discourse for him and his point of view. In this way I helped to facilitate the process of incremental mourning, filling a similar role to that of the cardinal, a fleeting symbol of the lost husband and father.