Loss of passion, intimacy, and commitment: A conceptual framework for relationship researchers

Abstract

The authors suggest that the concept of loss may serve as an organizing principle to clarify many of the dynamics of close relationships. Prior to the ultimate loss of the relationship, there may be intermediate losses that undermine relationship stability. Research on social allergies, or extreme responses to minor annoyances, suggests that relatively mild antigens, if frequently repeated, can gradually cause a loss of feelings of idealization of the partner, comfort with the partner, or feelings of being cared about or respected by the partner. Larger problems may cause loss of major elements of love. The loss of physical attractiveness may, depending on the partner's attributions, be associated with the loss of passion. The loss of desired levels of social support may lead to the loss of intimacy, whereas the loss of customary levels of interdependent behavior may lead to a loss of commitment. The loss of honesty in the relationship may lead to a cascade of other losses. Finally, the partner's differing perspectives on the loss can lead to account-making and the deriving of meaning from the loss.