Gay Men Becoming Fathers: A Model of Identity Expansion

ABSTRACT

Based on in-depth interviews, this article proposes a six-stage model of identity development for gay men who are becoming parents. The six stages include (1) a coming out experience that assumes being gay means not parenting; (2) increased self-awareness and confidence as a gay man; (3) recognition of the strength of newly constructed gay families; (4) observation of gay families and learning about the effects of gay parents on children; (5) valuing the unique gifts a gay man has to offer a child; and (6) an integration of the gay and father components of identity, including both a narrowing and expansion of support networks. The model is compared with well-known models of gay identity and ethnic identity development. To understand this developmental transition, 10 gay men who became fathers after establishing a gay identity were interviewed. These men (four single and six in a couple relationship) described the development of their family, their understanding of their gay father identity, challenges as male primary caregivers, and their evolving relationship with the gay community, with their families of origin and families of choice, and with the larger society.

KEYWORDS:

• Gay
• father
• parenting
• identity development
• gay parents