Torn between two lovers? Lay perceptions of polyamorous individuals

Abstract

Lay attitudes towards polyamorous individuals – conceptualised here as those who experience romantic love for more than one person simultaneously – were explored experimentally. Canadian undergraduates (N = 262) read about an individual involved in a long-term, exclusive romantic relationship who met someone and wanted to be sexual with that person. The individual (1) had fallen in love with this new-found interest while remaining in love with his/her primary partner (polyamory); (2) was no longer in love with the primary partner (love affair); or (3) simply had sexual feelings for the new-found partner (sexual fling). Participants’ overall evaluations of the individual seeking a sexual fling were the least negative following perspective-taking instructions; otherwise, global evaluations of the three protagonists did not differ. Relative to (especially) those seeking a love affair, polyamorous individuals were seen as more loving, warm, sensitive and needy. Relative to (especially) those seeking a sexual fling, they were seen as confused, as more likely fooling themselves, and as more plausibly bisexual or homosexual. Thus, lay perceivers’ impressions of a polyamorous individual seemed mixed, apparently reflecting their struggle to make sense of the experience of being in love with more than one person at the same time.

Keywords:

• polyamory
• non-monogamous relationships
• affairs
• casual sex

Acknowledgements

The author thanks Keri Raif and Kristina Schrage for data collection assistance, and to Georgina Garcia Rodriguez for her comments on materials.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Christopher T. Burris

Christopher T. Burris is currently an Associate Professor of Psychology at St. Jerome’s University, in the University of Waterloo, Ontario, Canada. Trained as a social psychologist, his breadth of publications includes topics such as religious motivation, good and evil, love and hate and sexual fantasy. He also co-teaches a course called Dark Side of Sexuality.