‘Can I be a kinky ace?’: How asexual people negotiate their experiences of kinks and fetishes

ABSTRACT

Prior research has found that asexual people may fantasise or participate in activities typically conceptualised as ‘sexual’. These behaviours may be considered paradoxical when an asexual person is conceptualised as someone who does not experience sexual attraction or desire. This research aimed to explore how kinks and fetishes are conceptualised, experienced, and negotiated by asexual individuals. Forty-eight participants were recruited to take part in an online qualitative survey. Thematic analysis resulted in three themes. In “Am I asexual?”: (How) can you be a kinky ace?, we discuss the sense of dissonance which some participants reported in negotiating what was seemingly the paradox between their self-identity as asexual and their exploration of kinks and fetishes. In the second theme, Between me and me’ and make believe: Kinks and fetishes as solo and imaginary, we report on how kinks, fetishes, and fantasies were often understood in a solitary context and as either undesirable – or impossible – to live out. In the final theme, Kink as a sensual enhancement in relationships, we highlight how participants positioned kinks and fetishes as an agent for intimacy. These findings expand our knowledge of how asexual people negotiate kinks and fetishes and capture the complexities of asexual identities.

KEYWORDS:

• Aromantic
• asexuality
• autochorissexualism
• BDSM
• demiromantic

Acknowledgments

We would particularly like to thank the asexual participants who so enthusiastically gave their time and energy to take part in our research. The authors would like to acknowledge the support from those who promoted and shared this research on social media. We are also grateful for the insightful comments offered by two anonymous reviewers on an earlier version of this manuscript.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.

Notes

1. Despite the success of the Fifty Shades of Grey novels and films, BDSM practitioners have expressed concerns over the representations and portrayal of dominant/submissive relationships and BDSM activities within these (e.g. Steel, 2015).

2. Homoromantic refers to experiencing romantic (but not sexual) feelings towards people of the same gender (Colborne, 2018).

3. Biromantic refers to experiencing romantic (but not sexual) attraction to more than one gender (Colborne, 2018).

4. Panromantic refers to experiencing romantic (but not sexual) attraction to others, and this attraction is not limited by gender or sex (Yule et al., 2017b).

5. Dottie described themselves as aromantic in the demographic questionnaire and as demisexual when asked about additional terms to describe identity.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Thom Winter-Gray

Thom Winter-Gray is a graduate in psychology from the University of the West of England (UWE), Bristol, and a researcher for the Reading-based LGBT+ charity MyUmbrella. His primary interest is asexuality and the asexual spectrum and he has presented on this topic at a number of events, including the 2018 British Psychological Society's (BPS) Psychology of Sexualites Annual Conference. As part of MyUmbrella he also maintains and compiles the charity's Guide to LGBT+, as well as promoting and raising awareness of lesser-known identities at a range of LGBT+ events.

Nikki Hayfield

Nikki Hayfield is a Senior Lecturer in Social Psychology at the University of the West of England (UWE), Bristol, whose research interests are in bisexualities, pansexualities, asexualities, and LGBTQ+ / sexualities more widely. She has published research on a range of topics including bisexual identities, bisexual marginalisation, bisexual relationships, and childfree identities. Nikki has a keen interest in qualitative research and has also published on research methods, in particular thematic analysis.  Nikki is a committee member of the British Psychological Society’s (BPS) Psychology of Sexualities Section and serves as a reviewer and associate/consultant editor for a number of journals. Her full profile and publications can be viewed on her UWE staff profile.