Monogamy of the Heart

Abstract

Sixty-five coupled gay men were qualitatively interviewed to examine how they decided whether or not to be monogamous, and how some maintained openly nonmonogamous relationships. Unlike their monogamous counterparts, men in open relationships cognitively separated sex from intimacy and prized sexual variety. Although outside sex could stimulate insecurity, men in open couples established guidelines that safeguarded their health and affirmed couple primacy. Respondents in self-described monogamous unions who engaged in outside sex minimized its importance, and some reported that monogamy was assumed but never discussed with their partners. These findings suggest that clinicians be flexible regarding traditional ideas about sexual monogamy and commitment as they help gay couples improve communication and affirm couple boundaries.

Key Words:

• Gay male couples
• monogamy
• nonmonogamy
• safer sex
• qualitative research