Irritating and Constricting/ Elating and Elastic—Being “Ex” as a Lesbian

Abstract

This article combines poetry and prose to discuss a range of ex-lovers: the ones where together a world is built and the ones who floated away.… Some are identified as troubling voices whose internalized critique is still experienced as significant and formative. The author explores in some depth an experience of co-parenting in which she was supported in her parenting of two sons by a lover who then gave birth to a daughter. These children in some ways identify themselves as a family, but there are also points of tension and discomfort. The dark and bright aspects of this particular ex-lover relationship are described. In addition, some characteristics of the world/home aimed for by this lesbian family are referred to, including such things as empowerment of all through group life, respect for physical labour, emotional intelligence, and sharing of resources.

Key Words:

• Lesbian
• ex-lovers
• same-sex parenting
• families
• creating community
• homophobia
• friendships
• theorizing through narrative
• creative dialogue
• coming home