Should An Individual Struggle?

Abstract

I spent my days as a high school student at a time when the "Gang of Four" were running amuck and therefore learned very little. In the current march toward the four modernizations, I feel I am handicapped by lack of knowledge and must rouse myself to catch up. So I make use of every bit of time to pursue my studies. During work breaks when others get together for a chat, I step aside and take out my book to read a few pages. When waiting for the bus at a bus stop, I take out my notebook and try to memorize a few English words. In the after-work hours when others go shopping or watch movies, I lock myself in reading. Sometimes during meetings people just indulge in idle talk. I feel it's a waste of time and sit by myself and read. In principle, my craving for study is a good thing, but I cannot find support. Some even accuse me of lacking a concern for the collective, that I am bent on outstripping my peers and engaged in individual struggle. I find it hard to vindicate myself, and I feel under great pressure. I am really upset. Is what I am doing individual struggle? Should one engage oneself in individual struggle? I am confused and hope you can give me some advice on these problems.