Arranged marriages: Whose choice and why? Reflections on the principles underlying spouse selection worldwide*

ABSTRACT

Although arranged or forced marriages have come under fire in the west for being associated with certain societies of immigrant origin, especially from South Asia or the Middle East and North Africa, and especially Muslim immigrants, in fact they are widespread among many so-called ‘tribal’ societies around the world. In fact, marriage by choice, for example, based on notions of romantic love, might well be in the minority globally, though they do not occur only in the west. The article discusses the possible reasons for this and argues that love marriages require explaining quite as much as arranged or forced marriages.

KEYWORDS:

• Arranged marriages
• forced marriages
• love marriages
• tribal societies

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author.

Notes

1 Although what are called mating rituals do occur in other species, these species lack the social confirmation of spouse selection through the rituals we call weddings. If anything, non-human mating rituals are comparable to human courtship, where this occurs, not weddings.

2 One author who has attempted to problematize the issue is Lamphere (2001:, 30, 35–38), but her remarks go little beyond cautioning against seeing the distinction between traditional arranged marriages and modern freedom of choice as a firm dichotomy. Liversage and Rytter (2015) look at the issue in relation to public policy in Denmark, which treats close kin marriages almost automatically as forced marriages; for an alternative discussion of related aspects, i.e. marriage arrangements made by matrilineal princesses, see Duindam in 2021, 151–170.

3 For an account of traditional practice in China, see Baker 1979.

4 Many works touch on marriage in north India, but for summaries see Kapadia 1964 (3rd ed.), Parkin 2001, Ch. 7. For the different settings of historical hypergamy in Zaydi northern Yemen, see Gingrich et al. 2021.

5 For a detailed account of a case of elopement-related murder in north India, see Dogra 2013.

6 Because of the same-sex tie between the siblings in the previous generation (father’s brother, mother’s sister). The parallel cousin marriage of Islamic societies touched on earlier is distinct from what I am describing here, though it is similarly restrictive of freedom of choice.

7 Because of the opposite-sex tie between the siblings in the previous generation (mother’s brother, father’s sister).

8 See, e.g., Fox 1967, Ch. 7; Parkin 1997, Ch. 6.

9 Cf. Campbell (1964:, 124) on the Sarakatsani shepherds of northern Greece: ‘Despite the contrary testimony of love songs, romantic courtship is impossible. “The songs tell lies”, the Sarakatsani say. Virtually all marriages are arranged.’ There are two fairly recent texts that do connect romance to marriage choices in two non-European societies, by Hart (2007) on western Asiatic Turkey and Magnus Marsden (2007) on Chitral, northern Pakistan. However, there is a difference. In the Turkish example, the parents of the couple who are getting married themselves leave some space to their children for romance to develop, though mostly only after the betrothal, it seems. For young Chitralis, conversely, the choice is the starker and more usual one between following their parents’ wishes and eloping. I am grateful to the journal editor for drawing my attention to these two valuable texts.

10 The Catholic Church also played a role here by outlawing many subsidiary strategies of heirship in order to divert property to itself through wills in the absence of a proper heir, while also insisting on freedom of choice in marriage on the basis that marriage is a holy sacrament between two consenting individuals. In doing so, Goody (1983) argues, it interfered with traditional property arrangements, often in defiance of both social and state opposition, gradually undermining such arrangements and the status that went with them as a basis for marriage; on this aspect see also Lutter et al. 2021. As a result, romantic love became the only such basis left.

11 Hart and Pilling (1979). The Tiwi situation is now historical, as, under missionary influence, they have become monogamous and have been forced to allow greater freedom of marital choice.

12 She was, of course, in a different lineage in this matrilineal society. Marriages between classificatory grandparents and grandchildren are by no means unusual in ‘tribal’ societies, though nowhere the norm.