‘My life felt like a cage without an exit’ – narratives of childhood under the abuse of a narcissistic mother

ABSTRACT

This research focused on narcissistic homes as described by adult daughters of narcissistic mothers. The definition of narcissism reveals the problematic behaviours of narcissists (e.g. blaming, manipulation, nullification, and self-sufficiency to hide one’s own low self-esteem). How do these affect upbringing? How do children of narcissistic mothers describe their childhood? The research participants consisted of 13 women who wrote widely about their childhood in the shadow of their narcissistic mothers. They all had taken therapy when adults. This was a narrative research. The data brought up three childhood narratives: incompetent childhood, isolated childhood, and denied childhood. The elements and contents of the narratives are partly overlapping but provide a multidimensional picture of upbringing by narcissistic mothers. Many children felt being without support by health care, education, or social service agents and had difficulties defining their selfhood and identity. This research provided new information and means to support the biased mother–child relationship.

KEYWORDS:

• Narcissism
• upbringing
• narcissistic parent
• childhood
• narrative research
• separation–individuation

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.

Notes on contributors

Marju Määttä, MA, is PhD student in the Faculty of Education, University of Lapland, Finland. Her research focuses on narcissism and its influence on close relationships.

Satu Uusiautti, PhD, is the professor of education (especially educational psychology) at the University of Lapland, Finland. Her research interests are in positive educational psychology, flourishing, and positive development and success.

ORCID

Marju Määttä http://orcid.org/0000-0001-6180-3243

Satu Uusiautti http://orcid.org/0000-0002-2409-6460