How to Say “I’m Sorry:” Ideal Apology Elements for Common Interpersonal Transgressions

Abstract

Using expectancy violation theory (EVT) as a guide, this study investigated the components of an ideal apology based on recipients’ perceptions of the importance of receiving specific elements of an apology following a relational transgression. Results revealed that some elements of apologies (accept responsibility, articulate an apology, and identify the specific wrong-doing) were rated as important across interpersonal transgressions, including inconsiderate acts, inappropriate actions, and broken promises, whereas some expected elements varied based on the type and/or severity of the transgression. These findings are contextualized within prior research on apology elements and lend support for the use of EVT as a framework for understanding the components of an ideal apology.

Keywords:

• Apologies
• Expectancy Violations Theory
• Relational Transgressions

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.

Notes

1. The Intrusive Behavior scenarios were as follows: “You and your partner are out at a restaurant, and you get up to visit the restroom, leaving your cell phone on the table. When you return, you see your partner reading your text messages. When you ask her how she logged into your phone, she said she watched you enter it and memorized your passcode. She then apologizes.” (High Severity); and “You and your partner are out at a restaurant, and you get up to visit the restroom, leaving your cell phone on the table. When you return, you see your partner looking at your phone. When you reach the table, she says your phone beeped and she wanted to see who had texted. She then apologizes.” (Low Severity).

2. The Extra-Relational Involvement scenarios were as follows: “You and your partner go to a party at a friend’s house. Your partner goes into the kitchen to get you drinks and does not return for quite a while. Eventually, you go into the kitchen and see your partner kissing his/her ex. They separate when they see you, and you go out onto the porch, where your partner follows you and apologizes.” (High Severity); and “You and your partner go to a party at a friend’s house. Eventually, you go into the kitchen and see your partner’s ex. You go back and ask your partner if s/he knew that the ex was going to be there, and s/he says yes and apologizes.” (Low severity).