‘If Only I Could Have Said, If Only Somebody Was Listening’: Mothers’ Experiences of Placing Their Child into Care

Abstract

Birthparents remain the most neglected focus of the adoptive triad in terms of practice, research and policy. Previous research has highlighted how the needs of parents who have their children removed are often unmet by services. This research explored the experiences of mothers, with trauma histories, who had made or agreed with the decision for their child to be placed into care. Three British mothers of children in care each participated in two semi-structured interviews. Data was analyzed using Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis. Three superordinate themes were generated: A fractured sense of motherhood highlighted the struggle with mothering identities in line with feelings of disconnection and separation; ‘I wish I could turn back the clocks’: Living with feelings of failure and shame illuminated the underlying feelings of guilt and shame associated with perceived failings; ‘Less than a person’: Becoming nothing and no-one alluded to experiences of disempowerment and dehumanization. Implications for reducing burden on adoption services are discussed through interventions sensitive to the operation of power, whilst the need for therapeutic services that acknowledge loss and grief are highlighted for relinquishing birthmothers.

Keywords:

• birthmother
• trauma
• adoption
• mothers
• parenting

Acknowledgements

The authors would like to acknowledge Michael Larkin, for his support regarding analysis; Anna Madill, for her contributions and comments on an early draft of the manuscript; and the anonymous peer reviewers for their feedback that has shaped this final draft.

Author’s contribution

Kate Siverns was lead author of the paper. Kate developed the research idea and led on data collection, analysis and write-up of the research. Gareth Morgan supported design of the research. Gareth supported the research through facilitating reflexive discussions and ensuring themes generated were valid, cohesive, and fitted with the interview data. Both authors have approved the final manuscript.

Disclosure statement

Neither author has any conflicts of interest to declare.

Notes

1 For more information on the traveling community see https://publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201719/cmselect/cmwomeq/360/full-report.html