From omnipotence to acceptance: the account of an infant observation of the painful and necessary disillusionment of Jacob

ABSTRACT

This paper builds on Winnicott’s and Hopkins’ understanding of the potentially detrimental risks of a child receiving ‘too-good mothering’; the paper explores the possible consequences of the prolonged experience of perfectly attuned care of ‘Jacob’, from his sensitive, responsive mother. The author makes use of observational material to consider the important processes of idealisation, splitting and omnipotence involved in Jacob’s relationship to his mother, followed painfully by his difficulty at the next stage, that of integrating reality with ideal. His carefully managed transition to the childminder, so that his mother could work, was felt by all members of the family to be unbearable, and the arrangement fell apart. The author also looks at the roles of Jacob’s father and grandmother who could step in to offer something good enough, providing him with a second chance to work through the developmental task, in Winnicott’s terms, of becoming gradually disillusioned and more able to face reality.

KEYWORDS:

• Attunement
• too-good mothering
• idealisation
• disillusionment
• paternal and grandparental support

Acknowledgement

I would like to thank Margaret Rustin for her generous and helpful comments on an early draft of this paper. I would also like to thank my Infant Observation seminar leader Gail Walker for all her insights and guidance.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Notes on contributor

Hen Otley is working at Marlborough CAMHS during her training as a Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist at the Tavistock.

Notes

1 Gail Walker’s commentary on being an infant observation seminar leader follows this paper in this issue.