Collective Sex and Committed Relationships: A Qualitative Exploration of Relationship Desires Among Gay Men Who Attend Sex Clubs

ABSTRACT

Studies have documented gay men’s engagement in collective sex (e.g., group sex in public or commercial environments) but little attention has been paid to these men’s relationship desires or agreements. We report on qualitative interviews with 20 gay men who attended private sex clubs in New York City, asking how participants navigated sometimes conflicting desires for collective sex and committed relationships. Participants felt that collective sex was either a) incompatible with relationships, which should be monogamous; b) complementary to a primary non-monogamous relationship; or c) at least as important as relationships. Gay men attending sex clubs attribute different value to collective sex and to committed relationships, and experience different challenges in satisfying their desires for intimacy. Resources could help gay men navigating these apparently conflicting desires and making suitable choices regarding their relationships and/or sexual agreements.

KEYWORDS:

• Gay men
• collective sex
• committed relationships
• non-monogamy
• sexual agreements
• sex parties/clubs
• intimacy

Compliance with ethical standards

All procedures performed in this study involving human participants were in accordance with the ethical standards of the author’s institution and with the 1964 Helsinki declaration and its later amendments or comparable ethical standards.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.

Informed consent

Informed consent was obtained from all individual participants included in the study.

Notes

1. All participants’ names are pseudonyms attributed by a random name generator. All 20 participants in this study are quoted at least once in the paper.

Additional information

Funding

This study was financially supported by doctoral fellowships from the Fonds de recherche du Québec – Société et culture and from the Desjardins Foundation, as well as the graduate school and sociology department at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey.