Treatment of Desire Discrepancy: One Clinician’s Approach

Abstract

For couples, the most common sexual problems that arise in therapy are low desire and desire discrepancy. The complex and challenging nature of desire discrepancy is addressed, along with core therapeutic interventions to confront the traditional power struggle over defining sex as intercourse only. The importance of desire is recognized in understanding that sexual satisfaction means feeling good about oneself as a sexual person and energized as a sexual couple. Intimacy and eroticism are explored, assisting the couple in understanding the value of both security and warmth, but also sensuality and arousal. The individual sex performance is replaced with a focus on intimacy, non-demanding pleasure, and the inclusion of erotic scenarios to enhance the couples’ mutual sharing of sexual desire and pleasure and turn toward one another as sexual friends.