The filtered encounter: online dating and the problem of filtering through excessive information

Abstract

Technologies are meant to enable us to contact more people, more often, and in this way “network” with others. Applied to dating, this would appear to be a good thing, as people would thereby benefit from having additional choice. However, the flip side of the coin is that because of the increased choice we get a case of too much information, too many choices, too many potential (and potentially unsatisfying) mates. We find in a qualitative study of online daters that filtering through the many options, partners and choices offered by online dating sites is a prime concern in online dating. Our aim in this paper is to characterize these filtering techniques, and also to discuss their potential social impact. We find that filtering begins at the initial screening process as daters try to “catch out” incongruous behaviour before investing too much energy in someone unsuitable. Participants quickly become increasingly technologically literate of the code-based features of the site in their quest for greater filtering efficiency. They also come to rely on the cultivation of their own filtering “instinct”. In the end, however, the prevalence and ongoing practice of filtering creates what can only be termed a shopping culture of dating, which often serves to sap the dating energies of participants.

Keywords:

• online dating
• culture
• media

Notes

1. A minority of sites work on a different principle, inspired to a much greater extent by computer dating than by the “classified” model of most online dating sites, where users do not browse the offering but are sent potential candidates after filling in detailed information regarding their own preferences.

2. The question of length of time involved in online dating and attitudes toward dating is an interesting one that could be explored in more detail. Our intention here is not to pin down individual variables affecting attitudes toward online dating, but instead to reflect upon how online dating is shaping and being shaped by culture. However, online dating – like all cultural practices – must be learned, embodied and incorporated, and further insight into this process would shed light on the larger issues of cultural change. Whitty's work on the construction of play and flirting in cyberspace could be useful here (for example, Whitty 2003). There is not enough space to delve into this question in this paper, but it bears investigation.