Why does funeral attendance matter? Revisiting ‘configurational eulogies’ in light of the COVID-19 pandemic in the UK

Figures & data

Table 1. Sample demographics at time of interview.

Characteristic	Frequency (n)	Percentage (%) of sample (/68)
RECRUITMENT CATEGORY*
Bereaved	39
Funeral directors	19
Celebrants and officiants	21
GENDER
Male	46	67.6
Female	22	32.4
Other/prefer not to say	0	-
Not reported	0	-
ETHNICITY
White	40	59
Mixed	1	1.5
Black/Black British	2	2.9
Asian/Asian British	7	1.3
Not reported	18	26.5
DEPRIVATION DECILE**
1 (most deprived)	5	7.4
2	5	7.4
3	6	8.8
4	5	7.4
5	5	7.4
6	4	5.9
7	5	7.4
8	8	11.8
9	11	16.2
10 (least deprived)	9	13.2
Not reported	5	7.4
NATION
England	39	57.4
Scotland	23	33.8
Wales	1	1.5
Northern Ireland	5	7.4
Not reported	0	-
AGE
18–30	4	5.9
31–45	12	17.6
46–60	34	50
61–75	14	2.6
76+	1	1.5
Not reported	3	4.4

* Some participants fell into multiple categories.

**Where 1 indicates the most deprived, or least well off, areas, as determined by government statistical analyses based on postcode.

Table 2. Reasons why interviewees felt attending a funeral mattered.

Attending A Funeral Matters Because	Illustrative Quotes
A well-attended funeral is seen as a fitting tribute to the deceased	Cynthia – ‘[H]aving twenty people at a funeral was an insult to my dad and he deserved so much more […] He knows everybody, everybody’ll want to be there’. Funeral director Catriona – ‘[H]e was such a great guy and he’d had such an interesting life and not to have had a proper […] full funeral, it was tough […] I don’t think he got what he deserved in the way of a send-off’. Christian minister Sandra – ‘[T]here were people who had been very well known and very popular in life and outside of COVID times they would probably have had a funeral that would’ve been attended in person by many, many people, in part that’s because it’s a reflection of how many people would feel they wanted to say goodbye in part a function of I suppose networking and where you work, but also in part reflecting in a way that’s […] a meaningful reflection of who they were in life’.
The presence or absence of particular people can have social and/or religious significance	Zara – ‘My husband and two sons couldn’t come to [the interment], quite last minute […] That was tough; not having them there for that but them being at the funeral was hugely important for them as well’. Hindu celebrant Harshan – ‘The prayers are made by close members of the family. That would be the last respect […] All relations, particularly blood relations […] are very important […] The presence of children is absolutely important because we are talking about the continuity of that cycle, the immortality of that life […] your genetic code […] That’s why the presence of close family members is important’. Celebrant Mary – ‘[The funeral] wasn’t particularly fitting because his friends should have been there’.
Being excluded from attending can feel wrong and be harmful	Imam Imran – ‘[T]hat’s where all the mental health [concerns] […] come in, where people cannot attend’. Christian minister Barbara – ‘[T]he lady who died had 11 children but we’d only let 10 of them into the cemetery so the other one had to wait outside and watch as best they could through the gates […] [I don’t know] what that does to families at a time of intense grief’.
It allows mourners to interact with one another and share memories (which can be experienced as therapeutic)	Esther – ‘I think there was over 100 people [viewing the live stream of my grandad’s funeral] [and] it would have been a really nice thing to kind of meet all of them and meet probably a lot of people that I hadn’t met before and you know obviously that didn’t happen, that is the bit that I feel sad that I missed out on. [At my grandmother’s funeral] I got a lot of closure [from] being able to speak to [her] friends […] after the funeral’. Erica – ‘Usually people would have been in the house, you’d be providing food and drinks to people, memories would be coming up, but that couldn’t happen. [At other funerals,] because of your memories and your family and your friends and … you do move on quicker […] You’re celebrating their life and talking about them and you remember your memories, and that obviously didn’t happen’.
Funeral gatherings are opportunities for giving and receiving support	Funeral director Robert – ‘[When funeral attendance is limited, n]obody gets the opportunity to stand shoulder to shoulder with you, nobody gets to give you the support, to remember together’. Hindu celebrant Zeshan – ‘[Normally,] people are always around […] being supportive of the family and even after the funeral […] a continuous process of getting in touch with them, asking them if they need anything’. Funeral director Bilal – ‘[A]s a Muslim, we have an expectation that when we die we will get a strong community to pray for us when we pass’
It bestows merit or benefit upon the attendee and/or the deceased	Yasmin – ‘[In Islam] you are rewarded for every funeral you attend and every funeral prayer you attend’. Imam Imran – ‘[T]he prophetic saying is that, ‘One who attends the funeral prayer gets a reward as well as one who attends a burial as well gets a reward’.

Table 3. Reasons why smaller funerals might be considered advantageous compared to large, in-person funerals.

Smaller Funerals May be Considered Advantageous Compared to Large In-Person Funerals Because		Illustrative Quotes
Challenges associated with larger funeral attendance which might be avoided in a smaller funeral	They could be less stressful to organise and host	Martha - ‘there [was] less to go wrong [at Mum’s funeral and it was] a lot less stress for me in some ways. [It] takes the pressure off feeling that you have to have a big thing. [For my Dad’s wake] I hired a function room and loads of food and drink, and that… obviously, it was nice because people can chat afterwards, but it makes it all a bigger thing and more stressful’.
	There could be less risk of inter-personal tension	Matthew – ‘[the funeral was] without tension [unlike others I have attended where] there has been some form of tension. Somebody who has an axe to grind or something that you’re worried somebody will say […] [T]his one didn’t have that […] [T]hat was a good thing’.
	They could be less costly	Christian minister Sandra - ‘[I have] seen families [which] now they don’t feel pressured to have the best flowers on top of the coffin, they don’t feel pressured to have a wake that they can’t afford, they don’t feel pressured to invite everybody […] [So] it does have a flip side’.
	There could be less performative pressure on primary mourners	Zara - ‘ [I don’t know] how we would have coped with having to do the niceties and have a wake [after Mum’s funeral service]’ Elspeth - ‘[I was] thankful […] that it was just us, [because we could] grieve together without having to do the social elements’. Humanist celebrant Scott - ‘[It’s] common over here after a funeral […] for the family to stand there and everybody just proceed past them in a line […] talking to them, almost going up one by one […] with 100 to 150 people [and] it can be quite an endurance to go through the same thing over and over. Of course that hasn’t happened [during the pandemic] and […] that may not be a bad thing’.
Affordances of smaller funerals which may be absent in larger funerals	They could be more personal	Gemma - ‘[having the smaller numbers at Mum’s funeral] made it more personal than maybe what it might be if you had a huge service’. Funeral director Thalia - ‘Some people have told me they have been grateful for the regulations, if for example they wanted a small private service but would have felt pressured into more of a performative thing under normal circumstances. Some families were happy for the chance to have a more personal goodbye, and to be able to blame it on the regulations to avoid upsetting anyone’.
	They could feel more intimate	Cynthia - ‘I would have the same service for me by choice now. I would rather have small and intimate than crowds and crowds of people gawking us at all […] like more of a family, small, intimate, really special celebration of [Dad’s] life for us that people could be part of […] rather than four or five hundred people sitting in a room that you don’t know who half of them are’.
	They sometimes better reflected the deceased’s personality and preferences	Calum - ‘[Mum was] quite private [and so we] could have decided to have a private funeral for my mum anyway’.’ Priya - ‘Even though Dad was a popular man, he didn’t really like a lot of our big Asian functions, he liked small gatherings […] [because of the pandemic] he had the funeral […] the way that he would have wanted it – small’.
	Those present might be more likely to be there for reasons deemed more acceptable	Funeral director Catriona – ‘[At normal funerals] half of those [there] are really there because they feel they have to be […] and they hardly knew the deceased at all […] [So] for some people only having close family members has made it more intimate […] not for everybody, but for some people I think that’s been a big plus’. Celebrant Elaine - ‘[Before[you could have a chapel jammed to the rafters − 150/160 people all squeezed in cheek by jowl and from the front where I’m now standing I can look and I can see half of them are nebbing around at each other, oh, look, she’s put weight on and, look at her hair, she wasn’t with him last time I saw her […] [By contrast, during the pandemic there was a] sense of privilege of being the ones who have been chosen to represent families […] there was more presence there. And I think that has been a really good thing’.