To date or not to date, that is the question: older single gay men's concerns about dating

Abstract

Previous research with older gay men has overlooked their concerns about dating. This paper addresses the gap by analysing in-depth interviews conducted with 25 self-identified single gay men over the age of 50, who lived in England. The paper focuses on the research question: “What factors do older, single gay men consider when they contemplate dating?”. Five factors were identified which affected their decisions about whether to date. Because the same factors operated simultaneously to encourage and to discourage them to contemplate dating, feelings of tension and ambivalence were reported by participants. Although some of these issues are similar to the ones older straight people considered, some of the concerns identified in this study were distinctively different for older gay men. The findings can help to make therapists aware that being single among older gay men is not only a personal experience, but is heavily influenced by social ideals and historical development of gay rights. It also can inform therapists of the factors that encourage and discourage older gay men from contemplating dating. This awareness can help therapists with developing effective strategies for working with clients on the topic of relationships.

Keywords:

• gay
• non-heterosexual
• ageing
• dating
• intimacy
• singlehood

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank Mr Christopher Fallon for his continuous support and inspirations, and Professor Mike Baynham, Dr Walter Pierre Bouman, and Professor Peggy Kleinplatz, for their constructive comments and feedback that have significantly improved this paper.

Notes on contributor

Yiu Tung Suen, DPhil, is an assistant professor of Sociology at the Chinese University of Hong Kong. His research interests include sexualities, ageing and life course, and qualitative research methods.