“TAKING THE EMPATHY TO AN ACTIVIST STATE”: ALLY DEVELOPMENT AS CONTINUOUS CYCLES OF CRITICAL UNDERSTANDING AND ACTION

Figures & data

TABLE 1 Participant Demographic Information

Name	Age	Education	Occupation Area	Race	Gender	Social Class	Sexual Orientation
Amanda	60–69	Masters	Writer	White	Female	Middle	Bisexual
Anne	60–69	Masters	Human Services	White	Female	Upper	Heterosexual
Audrey	40–49	Doctorate	Educator	White	Female	Middle	Heterosexual
Beth	30–39	Masters	Center Director	White	Female	Middle	Heterosexual
Brian	40–49	Masters	Educator	Black/Multiracial	Male	Middle	Heterosexual
Dayita	50–59	Doctorate	Educator	Asian	Female	Upper	Heterosexual
Elaine	50–59	Doctorate	Human Services	White	Female	Middle	Heterosexual
Eliza	30–39	Masters in progress	Graduate Student	White	Female	Lower	Heterosexual
Emma	30–39	Doctorate	Educator	Latino/a	Female	Middle	Heterosexual
Eric	40–49	Doctorate	Educator	Asian	Male	Middle	Heterosexual
Henry	50–59	Masters	Educator	White	Male	Middle	Gay
Iris	70–79	High School	Retired	White	Female	No Response	Heterosexual
Jake	30–39	Masters	Religious Leadership	Asian	Male	Lower	Heterosexual
Jamie	60–69	Doctorate	Educator	White	Male	Middle	Heterosexual
Jiao	30–39	Masters	Human Services	Asian	Female	Lower	Heterosexual
Jolene	60–69	Doctorate	Educator	White	Female	Middle	Queer
Julia	20–29	Masters in progress	Graduate Student	White	Female	Middle	Bisexual
Kyle	40–49	Masters	Human Services	White	Male	Middle	Heterosexual
Lisa	30–39	Masters	Human Services	Black	Female	No Response	Heterosexual
Marci	40–49	Masters	Human Services	White	Female	Middle	Heterosexual
Marie	20–29	Doctorate in progress	Graduate Student	Black	Female	Middle	Heterosexual
Marisol	30–39	Doctorate in progress	Graduate Student	Latino/a	Female	Middle	Heterosexual
Mary	40–49	Doctorate	Educator	White	Female	Upper	Heterosexual
Ralph	60–69	Doctorate	Educator	White	Male	Middle	Heterosexual
Samantha	30–39	Doctorate	Educator	Asian	Female	Middle	Heterosexual
Sherri	50–59	Masters	Educator/Human Services	White	Female	Middle	Heterosexual
Thomas	30–39	Doctorate	Human Services	Black	Male	Middle	Heterosexual
Xander	60–69	Doctorate	Educator	White	Male	Upper	Heterosexual

Note: All names are pseudonyms, in most cases chosen by the participant.

TABLE 2 Understandings of Privilege and Oppression: Foundational Areas and Learning Processes

Early or Initial Facilitators for Ally Development

I remember one kid used to get picked on a lot. I didn’t-didn’t risk it. I stayed with my social group. It was more comfortable. And I was one of the people who probably made fun of that kid, you know? Yeah, contributed to that poor kid’s misery. And I think I’ve-But I felt bad about it. you know? I suffered a little bit because of it. Not a lot. But a little bit. And I still remember it. I often wonder how she turned out. (Elaine) I just think I’ve always internally I always had a gauge for it. I remember being very young and going into a homeless shelter and serving them and feeling so bad for their position. My sister was like “They should just get jobs.” And I would be like “No, it’s harder than that!” … I always had a leaning toward that like an empathy, social justice, I’ve always leaned toward that even when I was very very young … I just remember that conversation very distinctly. She was like “They just need to work.” (Eliza) The way I was raised. I should have told you about the 1st Black person to buy a house on [our] street during the 2^nd world war. People on the street, renters as well as owners signed a petition trying to stop her from buying and my mother refused to sign it. Her answer was “she worked for her money and it is as good as anyone’s”. So perhaps she was my example to follow? (Iris)

Types of Understandings

Conceptual and Systemic Understandings: Understanding the meanings of oppression and privilege, how discrimination operates at multiple levels, how oppressive hierarchies are interdependent and intersectional Understanding conceptual meanings of oppression and privilege, especially understanding that these hierarchies are institutionalized and systemic, and not only enacted as intentional interpersonal actions. Racism is societal, so it’s grounded within our systems and our policies. (Lisa) It [ally development] is a process of overcoming your own racism which is bred into you um, by the fact that we live in a racist society so, there’s just endless reinforcement, in every single part of life. (Xander) I think trying to get people to sort of think about what that ideology actually does and how that ideology actually functions, and what ideological context that actually is, is really important to getting people to recognize how to create linkages between themselves. (Eric) Understanding the intersectional nature of systems of oppression, possible similarities in experience and sources, and/or ways in which resisting oppression needs to take place in multiple areas. I see this common thread of when people are oppressed or marginalized or discriminated against, that there’s this common thread in the sense that it stems from fear or you know, or I could say hatred, but I think hatred is a form of fear in so many ways, and ignorance, and so I see that common thread and I see that affecting all of us even though in different ways. It’s interdependence, we’re all connected. You can’t do good for just yourself. Your doing well is dependent upon someone else doing well, so we’re just interdependent, and I guess another thing. You know, I’m thinking about my pet peeves for instance. Something that makes me crazy is, for instance, someone who is a total anti-racist is like you know, they’re anti-racist, they’re anti-racist, but then they’re like completely homophobic or they’re completely sexist or they’re complete, and I’m like, how can you not see the connections here? You cannot say that you are for justice and yet you are oppressing someone else. So, I think that there’s this common thread of what’s connecting us and our experiences, and I think we’re all interdependent. So, I think you can’t have one without the other, and I think, you know, there’s also that, I’m sure you’re probably familiar with poem, you know, they came for this group but I did nothing, they came for that, and there was no one to come for me. We have to stand for each other. (Marisol) I don’t see a solution to environmental problems without solving problems of income disparity and racism. As long as those two are there, the environment is going to continue to go down the tubes. And people are going to continue to get exploited. So they’re all intimately linked. (Xander)

I feel it’s very important, especially as an Indian American, to, to be very supportive of [resistance to] anti-Black racism. Because Indian Americans are generally not very interrogative about their own privileges here in this country. And like a lot of other immigrant groups they tend to absorb the rhetoric of racism, it’s part of the dominant culture’s landscape, because, as Toni Morrison, the African American writer, has said, immigrants come and get ahead on the backs of Blacks, because they learn very quickly that the way they can separate themselves from this group that has always occupied the bottom-most position on the ladder of the social hierarchy is to differentiate themselves from Blacks is to echo the kind of racist rhetoric that seems to help them get ahead. And so Blacks have been very rightly very suspicious of immigrant groups and I have felt it very important to make myself visible, in situations where it was important to show that I cared, I understood, and I empathized. And I’m never surprised when Black people look at me sort of strangely and skeptically, because I know where that’s coming from, where the history of that’s coming from. (Dayita)

Personal Positionality Understandings: Understanding how one’s own statuses or identities relate to areas of privilege; the impact of this on one’s developmental and daily experiences, and worldview; and the importance and complexity of personal intersectionality and context. Acknowledging status and identities and recognizing their relation to privilege—overcoming the invisibility of privileged status. Moving beyond naming or labeling identities to more fully understanding the lived experience and implications of one’s own personal, interpersonal, and systemic experiences with privilege and oppression related to those identities. It’s very hard for White people to understand Whiteness and White privilege and part of the reason why it’s hard to understand is because you’ve never had to think about it. Right? So, me being a US citizen, I never had to think about or be fearful of being undocumented or you know think about not having a passport that I can throw out and travel wherever I wanted to travel. (Lisa) [As a straight man] I had to struggle with my own homophobia … as a kid, one of my closest friends was gay and I didn’t even know he would [later] come out, and I just can’t imagine the things that we would say to him, not about him because we didn’t know. To this day I want to find him again and apologize for what I said, I wasn’t even aware. So I have my own shame about that as I said with my friends now. [Interviewer: How did you work through that? That sounds really intense?] [This] is my own work to do, because if I’m a part of the social injustice I have to take my lumps so to speak (chuckles) to do it. Another part was just staying with it, not backing away from that negative feeling and being in there with my colleagues or my friends, teach myself and my family to be different than they were. It’s a matter of putting myself in the spot, and staying there, not retreating, you know so the more I looked into it the more I could deal and go through my own stuff about it and then also challenge my family about it. (Thomas)

I’m male, I’m White, I’m at least historically from Christian background, I’m able, I’m heterosexual. So, those are all translated to privileges. What I mean by that is that, in other words, as a result of privilege (and in this case I mean, unearned privilege, that is, I didn’t earn being a White male, heterosexual, able person. Those were things I acquired) and the value placed on those features of who I am are values that are institutionally supported and they are historically embedded as being institutionally supported … And in order to maintain this structure, and this privileged state, this is done at the expense of people who are different than that[who] receive fewer of society’s benefits, they are denied the same day-to-day privileges that I enjoy, many of which, I may not even be aware of because if something doesn’t bother you, you don’t notice it so, I can, walk around at night and be completely blind to the fact, that every time a women walks around at night, she has to worry about being raped. So, there’s an example of privilege I enjoy. A benefit that comes to me. And I can just ignore it and not see it as a problem at all. Or, I can be outraged that women have to live this way and become an ally to women or an activist and try to change male behavior. Talk about a big job, that you know? they’re all big jobs [because] it’s very embedded. (Xander) Understanding one’s own areas of oppression, and the relation of these areas to having privilege and development as an ally. Being aware of the danger of seeing only through oppression, and having that deflect from awareness of others’ oppression where you have privilege. Using one’s own oppression as a bridge to understanding others’ oppression and one’s own privilege. I think it’s really easy to think of the ways in which you experience marginalization, and, um, and forget about the ways that you experience extreme privilege. (Marisol)

I do a lot of work with the Black gay, lesbian, bisexual community, right? So, at one point, we share the same identity: Black. On another point, we don’t because we have different sexual orientations. I’m a heterosexual person. So, you know, so in, even having conversations or being in the same space, I have to catch myself – and this also leads to as an ally, you allow the groups that you are helping, you make space for them to tell you what to do and to lead the courts. So, in some spaces, I’m looking at the picture and I’m saying “well damn, that right there was racist” right? And my assumptions or my experience that that’s racist is based on my own experience. When, you know, someone from the Black LGBTQ community will come to me and say “no, you see here the issues around sexism or the issues around heterosexism or homophobia; it’s not an issue around race” you know, so, I think that part of my own identity has dictated the way that I experience being an ally and experience calling out oppression when I see it. You always have to be a check about that. You have to. And I think it’s even more for communities that are oppressed on a day-to-day basis that everything seems like it’s oppressed based on race, you know, my own personal thought is there is a lot of racism (Lisa) I am an immigrant myself and I have to struggle daily with a range of issues. One issue that I constantly have to deal with is actually the language barriers, you know, the language differences. You know speaking English with an accent or being seen as not competent enough sometimes. When people hear you speak there are automatically assumptions and perceptions that are made about who you are and your education level so on and so forth … So, there are times when I became very silenced. There are times where I feel like it’s better not to speak out that much because you always feel like you are making some mistakes or making someone unhappy or you’re not being heard. So, I’m very much able to relate to people who are in the spaces of being silenced. (Samantha)

Cognitive and Emotional Empathy Understandings: Understanding of the perspectives and emotional experiences of others, including understanding and awareness of the costs of oppression, particularly psychological costs. Empathy is definitely one important component of being an ally. Maybe having life experiences that allow you to have a certain level of empathy with other people who may not have the same challenges that you have had, but maybe motivates you to try to connect or either directly or indirectly through some process (Brian) I think it’s partly a matter of learning something about being in somebody else’s shoe … And I think along the way or sort of by the way I think it gives you some insight into being in shoes where you – where you’re a little bit more alert and aware than I often am … And if I think I can’t do that, the word ally would be absolutely ridiculous! I mean how could I be an ally to someone if I had no clue what a person is thinking or feeling in certain situations? … You’ve got to gain some sort of empathy for the people that you’re being an ally for. (Ralph) [Ally] means standing in solidarity because you might empathize with that struggle but you are not directly affected by it. You might share it in your heart, but you don’t share it because of who you are, because of the color of your skin (Beth)

Learning Processes that Fostered Understandings of Privilege and Oppression

Education: Both formal and informal education, including courses, trainings, readings, films, other media. In college, I did a whole bunch of those things [multicultural education]. So in taking these multicultural [classes] I would be with like-minded people, and like there was a book Through African Eyes that was really cool that showed different ways of looking at, you know, multicultural perceptions of perspectives from 2 different points of view. So that was the first time I was ever exposed to that. Now I teach like that. (Sherri)

You’re always learning something new. In the class I took with [B], I had never realized, that money and the rest of it was one thing. But I had an advantage over all of the people of color. My skin was white. I never saw it that way until this last class … . I never realized that that was a ticket that I had that they didn’t … It was kinda moving. It made me feel a little guilty, because I always said, ‘well, we all come up poor, the same way, if I can do this, why can’t they’? And then, well, I had one more White perk that they did not have. It was a little, a little, unnerving. (Iris) And another friend of mine, another white woman … she found a class at a local education learning center called “white people challenging racism” and suggested that we go. So I signed up and went and it was great, you know. It was run by a white woman who you know talked about how we as individuals who think of ourselves as good people still play into this, sort of through no fault of our own, play into white privilege and white supremacy culture and it, you know, sort of all of the puzzle pieces start to fall together. I really gained a much stronger understanding of sort of what I was doing as a white man. And what I needed to do to begin to change those things in myself and my surroundings. (Kyle)

Relational Learning: Learning through interpersonal interactions, including hearing about and witnessing oppression, having models of allies, opportunities to question and analyze developing understandings, and emotional processing. Relational exposure to oppression and perspectives. People you meet, you’re touched by them. I have family members who are gay and lesbian, so you know, umm my sister. So seeing what she’s gone through, and actually in my family I have like 7 gay and lesbian first cousins. So that has been a major factor in my life. Relating to the kind of oppression that gay lesbian, trans [people] go through! (Emma) And there were people in my department who were [sexual harassment] offenders, so I got involved in the committee and then people would come to me. And they would tell me things. And I realized when people started telling me these things, like what happened to them, that people, you know, people don’t make these things up. They don’t lie. It’s a very painful thing to come tell someone else about something bad that’s happened to you. And, you know, I could feel the pain and suffering and humiliation of the people that felt, and also the courage, that they had and telling someone, and actually telling somebody about it. And I knew this was just the tip of the iceberg. So, I started to realize that when people complain about things, they, they must be really upset. And, and a lot must’ve happened before that, before they started to complain. So I think I started to apply that to my friends, and I started to realize that, gee, they’re my friends. Something must be wrong [when they complain], even though I could hardly believe it sometimes. (Jamie) I would say that like it [dating a person of color as a White person] broadened my lens. I think I didn’t really get like how much prejudice and hate is still really out in the world. Again, my friends are not really like that and so to hear people’s – when you’re in an intimate relationship with someone you share things that you wouldn’t necessarily share even in a friendship. So, when you’re at that level with a person and they’re sharing really deep experiences that they had, it’s like wow! … He [ex-boyfriend] was driving to work and he was pulled over for running a stop sign. And when he pulled over, you know, dressed for work, not that it should matter how you’re dressed, you know dressed to teach business school and the gun was drawn on him for running a stop sign in Cambridge not too long ago! Like that’s telling! That’s, I can’t even imagine having a police officer draw their gun on me, never mind for running a stop sign! At 6 in the morning? Are you kidding me? Like the gentleman has his hands on the wheel and nothing is suspect. Really? He’s Black, so that’s suspect? Come on. I think it just fueled more sort of wood on my fire around like that they [these issues] are really important and prevalent issues and are not issues of 30 or 40 years ago, they are issues of today. So I mean that has changed that. You know dating, and I also have a younger sister who is Puerto Rican and my brother in-law is from China and immigrated when he was 8. Um people make horrific jokes that just are not okay and you start hearing them a lot more when people, when they’re your people. And, like that is, for some reason, I think that’s maybe a shift that I didn’t hear it as much but all of a sudden I hear somebody making fun of someone from China and I’m like “Wait, on multiple levels, you need to back up. You’re talking about my brother-in-law, my niece and my nephew.” And so, it’s, it’s not like it’s just people from the areas that like, people in my family are from, but just across the board. But, I think it’s heightened my level of hearing it. I think I’m more attuned with hearing it. (Eliza)

Opportunities to process information and privilege awareness with role models or other allies I think White people need that, they need to see other White people that take, I mean, you know it’s like the beginning of our conversation, what is an ally? You know, to me what is an ally? It’s being able to ally with people who are different from you and who are struggling with things that you have the privilege to not struggle with, basically, and to see people. And she (my teacher/mentor) was a White lesbian anti-racist, and just really open about sharing her experience and so I learned from her on multiple levels, both, how to be an ally to her in terms of my privilege, my heterosexual privilege, and seeing what struggles she went through on that level and then yeah, really having her as a role model and seeing how she was an ally to other professors of color. (Beth)

I was really impressed with both of them. And especially Betty … her sensitivity to race and her bravery to admit her shit and the very strategic way she would call other people out. She found a way to challenge White people on their racism in a way that didn’t make you feel like a total heel, so that you’d shut down and run away, which, I think can happen. That’s no excuse but I think it does happen. But she would, she challenged me multiple times. And, I was always like “wow, that was good”. It was still hard. It’s still embarrassing. I mean I was her boss and a lot older than her. But she was really great about that. And I sometimes still think about what would Betty do? What would Betty do in this instance? And, you know, what was really most, not only, what was most inspirational was, was her own sort of transparency. Her own willingness to take this stuff on. She didn’t have to do that. You know she didn’t have to do that. That’s how privilege looks. We don’t have to take this stuff on. Right? We don’t have to think about it? We don’t have to notice it? I mean, that’s, that’s how it works. And, so when people do it’s pretty remarkable I think. Cause what do you have to gain? Well, you know, if you think in the big picture everything, but in the micro level not much, right? Because you know, you are relinquishing some of your privilege. You’re doing something that, you know, you’re not socialized to do. And, not rewarded to do either, right? Um, so I was really impressed by her. (Mary) I watch other people have them [difficult dialogs], I try to have them myself, where I’m on the other end of it, which is one reason why I think the Unlearning Racism group is good. It’s kinda like Alcoholics Anonymous for Whiteness. Sooooo! I try in every group to share something that I was really feeling really bad about or anxious about, umm, and to just like acknowledge and feel the feelings that brought up for me like feeling really guilty or feeling really ashamed or feeling this desire to distance myself from my own actions or behavior or umm yea, stuff like that. And I think also that another part of it is when, like, finding people around me that I can sort of look up to and say okay like, I wanna be like them, and so people who have taught me. (Julia) Fostering ally development through the power of authentic relationships My white privilege was really, I think at that time, you know, was unchecked. I didn’t really have a vast understanding of what was going on. It caused some problems between Becky [teacher of color] and I. And you know, really made me think like what the hell is going on?I definitely owe a lot to Becky for you know, being strong in challenging me and not giving up and you know continuing to challenge me. I think everyone in that class as well. You know, I think, you know I owe a lot to the folks in that class. Like my classmates [White women and women and men of color], for continuing to challenge what I was saying, what I was doing. Being challenged and not rejected, you know. (Kyle) I mean it just took a lot conversations with my friends who are LGBT and just talking about their experience and what my experiences were and just kind of sharing that with each other and also just sharing all of the like biases that I did have. And having them be like “you know, we know those biases exists and it is not because of you.” You know, it is kind of a product of society it’s not because I was perpetuating theses biases against them … So yeah, for me what helped a lot was those conversations and being about to share that stuff and not be turned away by them. (Marie) Queer identified folks have been the ones that have been gracious enough to educate me, [to be] generous with their time and to stop and say, um, “you may not realize it, but that was not cool” or “you know, maybe there’s another way to think about that” and increasingly, and largely because I’m here at (name of university) which is such a richly transnational and international population I’ve learned a lot about my Western-centric perspective. My Eurocentric perspective, and that’s been challenged. You know, in department meetings when we talk about curriculum and titling a class or structuring a syllabus and realizing that every reading I’ve got on the syllabus is written by an Anglo or European writer … So, you know, basically other people who don’t share my privilege and are generous enough to, to nudge me. I mean that’s probably my greatest debt. But I don’t want to ever rely on that because that’s not, I don’t think that’s being an ally. (Mary)

TABLE 3 Moving from Understandings to Action: Capability and Motivation

Capability:Recognition and Emotional Processing

Recognition of Need for Change and One’s Ability to Influence Before I really started educating myself about a lot of these issues I’d be like “well there’s terrible stuff going on in this world. But you know, it seems like everybody is really mean.” But when you start actually figuring out why things are the ways they are, you realize the dimensions of a problem, you also need to realize what needs to change in order to make things better. (Eric) I guess in some ways I felt more helpless. The experience I had before I understood what it would be to be an ally was like, “There’s racial inequality and I as a White person can’t do anything about it. I’m a horrible white person. I’m just like part of these awful White people who are whatever.” I mean, that’s an overstatement of that. Kind of. I think in a sense I felt more helpless. But I think in part, there was a resignation in that which is a little protective. (Audrey) Emotional Processing: Engagement in emotional processing focused on tolerating difficult reactions and reducing defensiveness. You always feel apologetic for who you are and where you’ve come from and the privilege you had. That sense never leaves you … It is a burden. It is something you have to come to terms with. And you have to accept, you can’t spend your life apologizing for who you are and what your background is. You hafta figure how to use that productively. That feeling. (Elaine) One has to feel good about oneself and if you feel guilty or badly about yourself, you’ll numb out, or get defensive or something and that’ not useful. Who wants that? That’s pretty awful … I need to be able to find ways to reassure myself that “yes, you want to keep exploring this stuff Ralph.” “Yes you do carry certain things don’t you?” “Yep, this played out in an unpleasant way for those people didn’t it?” And you’re [still] a person of value. You’re a good man. You’re a good White man. And I have to believe that. I have to believe that. That’s another part of the ally- To be a good ally you have to feel good about yourself and all your identities. You have to embrace all of them. (Ralph) I’ve really had to train myself I think. To keep that defensiveness down. And instead of saying “no, no, no.” Like denying it immediately, umm, asking for further explanation. (Kyle) What makes people empathic. But I think that’s different than what makes people an ally because an ally is taking the empathy to an activist state and sort of –so somebody can have empathy but just allow injustice to go on, and yeah, it’s more uncomfortable to speak up than to keep quiet, but isn’t it more uncomfortable to be the kind of person who does that, who is silent? Sort of like, if you’re witnessing something, it’s already uncomfortable, why not choose what’s right, there’s, I don’t know. Maybe other people aren’t as uncomfortable sitting in silence as I would be. That would be more uncomfortable. (Sherri)

Motivations: Integrity, responsibility, interpersonal connectedness, and personal benefit.

Motivation: Responsibility and Integrity I need to be an ally to groups that don’t have the same power as I do. I need to in terms of my own principles. So not needing to in terms of there’s this whole social kind of demand, no! I need to in terms of my own principles and the way that I operate and what I value. (Lisa) There’s something really annihilating and awful about causing pain to another human being. And so I think that having like, become aware of some of the ways in which oppression happens, for me to be like “no I’m not gonna be an ally,” would just be like, what would that do to me? I dunno, I think that would be bad. (Julia) So, I think this [working to be an ally] is the way that I try to make peace. The way I kind of restore some sleep at night because there is so much damage wrought at my hands really. Consequence of my, consequence of people like me existing in the world. (Mary)

I also think um, something I always, there’s a, and I think it’s actually biblical, even though I’m not remotely religious. But um, it’s uh, “to whom much is given, much is expected.” And I really believe that, you know, I really believe that, and I feel that being very aware of how lucky I’ve been in so many ways of my life. I think that it’s really. Is it still going to work with all this noise? Are we okay? Alright, being aware of how much I’ve been given. It was really cultivated in my family, the sense of, you have a lot, you need to give a lot. (Marisol) Motivation: Relational Connectedness It’s clear that [these] are issues for all of us. These are not issues for members of a particular group. It's issues about how we want to be in the world. (Audrey) It hurts us all. It hurts us all … Racism hurts us all. (Amanda) I want to live in a world that I can agree with. And I’d like to see a world, you know, that, at some point in time, you know, future generations, may not have to, deal with all of these issues. (Kyle) You get older and if you become a parent, then the notion of “why are you doing this”, sort of changes to some extent, because when you are a younger person, you are doing this because society is unfair and you want to change it. You know that’s obviously still there, but as a parent you also want things to be better for your kids than they were when you were around. I think that forces you to adopt a longer time frame. (Eric) Motivation: Personal Healing and Growth. I think that’s a bigger understanding, that as an ally, it is not that you’re helping a certain group, but that you’re understanding that you’re helping yourself also by creating equity. (Lisa) It’s great to feel passionate about change in the world but where’s it come from? It has to also be about yourself- it’s not sacrificing yourself for somebody else- maybe that’s new. I don’t know if I’ve said that before. Ally work is something that you do for yourself. And for me, part of it is I don’t want large parts of the world cut off from me because I’m unwilling to live in the discomfort. (Ralph) I think growing up in a white supremacy culture that we live in, white folks are duped into believing that we are somehow superior based on our skin color and the privileges we have are sort of rights. Like we just deserve this stuff. I think that part of being an ally is recognizing that and being able to sort of, re-humanize myself in saying you know what, this is not the way I want to live. This is not a structure I choose to live under. (Kyle) Your self becomes enlarged through the relationships that you have with other people. Your whole way of living, your whole way of hearing and seeing and experiencing and feeling changes. So yeah, it’s getting the in, and maybe it’s relationships with, you know. I believe in love. I do, and I think maybe that can do a lot to move people. It doesn’t solve everything, but maybe that can do it for some people. (Jamie) I will always have the temptation to not do any of this stuff and, uh, to live in Disneyland. Um, cause I have that option … .And it’s this complete, kind of loving, you know, anybody loving the other person as if they were you … . it’s a worthwhile process for me. Again, [being an ally] keeps getting tied in with my faith, which is me becoming more, seeing the world more and more the way God sees the world. And I’m realizing more and more that I don’t see the world that way and I don’t see people that way and I want to see the world more, more the way god sees it. (Jake)

TABLE 4 Working Toward Justice: A Relational Action Cycle

Deciding Whether to Intervene

Evaluating Action: Applying understandings with particular attention to evaluating personal positionality. I mean very easily a woman [might] say “I need a job” and then so you could quickly just say “alright, you know, there’s, you know, many different steps to do it.” But then before you even do that, you sit down and you listen to their story at least to, to find out what’s that all about. Maybe yes, you have a very good program you already have you know steps of stuff you could do. But you know, [first] who is she, what’s going on with her? (Jiao) I guess any potential ally should- should just question their urge- the urgency with which they might want to save somebody else or help somebody else. (Ralph) You know it can be tricky, too, because you also you want to be conscious of your privilege, but you also don’t ever want to be condescending in it, or um, trying to sort of take over the role of someone else. Like you also want to respect when it’s someone, you know, when it’s their opportunity and their moment to speak for themselves, from their own experience um, about what their life is like and what. (Marisol) Dissonant inaction: Experiences of “missed opportunities” or feeling unable to act. Either White people are oblivious and they just go tromping through with their prejudice statements, or they feel like they can’t move because they are guilty and cautious and tentative. And I feel like I have pretty much gotten past most of that, or [have done so] enough of the time. I [still] get caught by it now and then. (Jolene) I know my family has very, I guess stereotypical views about sexual minorities [and] sometimes I am not able to talk to them about these issues. (Marie) I certainly do hear things I don’t want to hear. [For example,] I’m visiting a friend of mine and we stopped at a gas station and the gas station attendant, was cracking on about, “How there were all these dykes, you know?” and I was not enough empowered to take him on, you know? Again, that is another example of why now, once you get aware of what you have to do, what’s [that] worth because when you hear something like that, and you don’t say something, you know? Then you carry this anger at yourself, you know, about your own weakness. (Xander)

Action Engagement Working with individuals from the group experiencing marginalization: Taking action to support and amplify the voices and goals of oppressed peoples and shift power with particular attention to one’s own positionality.

Hearing a voice that’s maybe not being heard and getting permission to amplify that voice. And that could be around lots of different things. Sort of on a very small scale or on a very large scale … one of the things I think about in situations when it’s sort of larger scale, sort of the difference between advocating for and advocating with … Am I doing this for someone or am I doing it with someone. Are they partnering with me in this? For me, anyway, the significance or the relevancy of it being with rather than for from my perspective makes a difference. (Marci) What are the voices of the people that you are being an ally to? What are they saying? How can you utilize your own power and privilege to support the cause and what needs to happen? And then, not having the need to lead the effort. You know, I’m in a situation now where somebody that I know, that I work with who defines to be an ally but always has to be at the forefront of everything. And always has to speak on behalf of the group that this person is being an ally with. And that’s problematic because you end up being, like I said before, being in the same position as those who are oppressing that group. And you end up retraumatizing that group around oppression. (Lisa) To be available to be used in whatever way is most strategic to the group whose cause you’re committing to. And that sometimes means just learning to shut up, and take orders. (Dayita) I don’t want to try to be a leader. I just want to be a rank-and-file supporter, who’s constructive and who carries my own weight. (Jamie)

How I make sure I am not imposing, right? Which is sort of the opposite. Right? Let me do something that I think is a good thing to do here that actually isn’t meaningful to a person who identifies. For me that’s not being an ally. Like that’s maybe being insensitive or being paternalistic or being whatever, “this is what I think is best for you”. So, which is a tricky [thing] about being an ally. Which is why the times I felt clearest about being an ally is when it’s been interpersonally related and coming from really clear communication with a person who identifies with a particular marginal identity who can say to me like, “This would be helpful. Or thank you for doing this. Or this is the thing I am struggling with.” And having a conversation and being able to kind of talk through like what- “How can I be helpful? What could I do from this position?” Which is not to say this that’s the only way to do it or that’s the only time I do it. But I think there’s a way that’s when I know for sure that what I did was really was supportive in terms of social justice or addressing inequities. As opposed to just making me feel better, like assuaging my guilt. (Audrey) I think that as someone who grew up in a community that was often exploited and you know a lot, outsiders come in to the community and think they know what is good for the community. So, I’ve always umm carried that with me. I recognize that. You don’t tell people what’s in their best interest. You let them dialogue, you let them find understanding in a way that is meaningful and isn’t imposed on them. (Emma)

Working with the Privileged Group: Using the access afforded by having privilege to challenge others who are enacting oppression, particularly in relation to challenging others who are enacting oppression because they lack understandings of privilege and oppression; fostering others’ ally development. The importance and necessity of working with privileged peoples I think that is the ally work I do. Um, trying to raise consciousness trying to inspire people to interrogate the categories and think about the ways they participate in injustice and the ways they can participate in dismantling injustice. (Mary) In terms of figuring out my own role as a White educator and who I should be working with and trying to figure out what it means to work in my own community when I felt disconnected from like so many White people too from their community … I went through the whole thing for a lot of White middle-class people and was like I don’t want to do that. And I [now] think definitely, ultimately, I do feel that I do have a responsibility to be working with White youth, White middle-class youth who are more reflective of who I am and where I came from. And that a lot of the learning that I’ve done, especially around race that I think I have the power and the responsibility to share with them. (Beth) I think the other thing about being an ally is that you have to, if you’re going to do it successfully, you have to accept that you’re dealing with three dimensional human beings, some people are going to be assholes, some people are going to be really cool, some people are going to be really difficult and you have to deal with all of them, you can’t just pick and choose and say oh “I’m just going to do the fun bits” and not do the other things. (Eric) Meeting people where they are I kind of like had to, felt more, maybe feel as though I had to stand on one or another, and now I just kinda feel sympathetic to, to the whole context that traps us in not making changes or you know, or the reasons why—They are all so familiar to me now, you know, when a proposal comes up, what people will say. And I can think of a response to them and all the unfortunate things people say in-in life. (Amanda) And I had to like figure out a way to talk to him about it in a way that wasn’t gonna be punitive because he’s doing the best he can and I guess that’s one thing to hold on to, just the belief even it’s totally irrational, that people are doing the best they can, and people want to be good people, most of them, and so it’s like that kinda self-talk. (Julia) It’s about providing these individuals information so that they can have an understanding of sort of how their Whiteness can be problematic. You know and trying to do it in a non-blaming way. And understanding that they’re going to be defensive because this is new information and people want to think of themselves as good people. And here you are providing information that may be contrary to that. And not necessarily contrary in the fact that, you know not pointing out that white privilege and things means white people are bad people. But white folks given this sort of image of racism and what racism is you know like the Nazis [think] this really bad thing and not a system that’s put in place that they benefit from. And I think coming to that realization can be very difficult for a lot of White folks. You know coming to the realization that I am White, causes, you know, it creates cognitive dissonance. ‘Cause how can I say I’m a good person and at the same time be participating in this horrible problematic system. And benefiting from that system. You know, and I think understanding that this is what people are going through. (Kyle)

Applying insight from one’s own learning process I remember at the time [I was called out] being like “What I didn’t do anything!” You know, like super defensive, and then it kind of seeped in over time. That’s another thing that I hold onto actually when I have conversations with people and they’re like, “Well I don’t need to blah blah blah,” or “I’m not like blah blah blah.” I remember that there are times in my life where I have typical conversations and then [felt] like, “get away, I’m not gonna deal with this, don’t wanna deal with it,” and then, like, sometimes even years later it’ll be like, “Oh now I get it.” And then it’s helpful, and so I kinda like hold onto that idea. (Julia) I think it’s important to recognize ways in which, hey, look how ignorant I am. You know, and look at, you know, and understand that we all have work to do, and that you can’t just kind of throw people away, or just be like forget you. You know, or you haven’t tried. I mean there are lots of different reasons why some people may not understand something or not be aware or haven’t taken the time, and being that person sometimes I think is really important so you can be a little more, um, sympathetic. (Marisol) Recognition of lesser risk and greater comfort in challenging privilege I can afford to persist and keep on going and organize forever. (Amanda) I have a lot of privilege to risk. You know, if I lost that job, I could have had another job, you know? … I’m, you know, middle class, and plus education, and I have parents that will back me up when I get in trouble, and it gives me a lot privilege to take some risks. Taking risks in different situations. For examples, I have a [police] record because I got arrested for protesting, consciously got in a position I wasn’t supposed to be in, and here I am a White woman with a [police record] running a youth program, where I’m in charge of checking everyone’s [police record]. I think because of the privilege that I wear, I am aware that I can take those risks and not be really badly affected by them, where as you know, for people who didn’t have those same privilege that police record might get them in a lot of trouble. So that’s just one example. (Beth) I have trouble keeping my mouth shut. You know, I think part of that is privilege, too. The thought of losing my job by confronting the CEO never crossed my mind! (Kyle) But the backstage is where you’re with people who look just like you, [who] may or may not think like you but something is said or done that’s against the principles of racial justice. So as an ally, you have to even act in those situations. I think that’s why in my head, I’m thinking there’s ways in which I strive to do that everyday. (Lisa)

Evaluating Action Making mistakes

You just have to kind of plead ignorance and just, or not plead ignorance, but admit ignorance. And say, “I’m sorry. I wish I knew more about this.” You know and ask to have it explained or whatever. And I think it’s really important to listen because, you know, the worst you can do is assume or assume you know more than you do because again I think it’s a matter of respect and just letting people tell you what their experience is and how you can be helpful if they want your help and not kind of sort of like trying to go, like go jump into something and maybe not be helping at all, and maybe being, hindering or being offensive and things like that. (Marisol) If you want to continue to be an ally with communities, it is going to be an ongoing thing. And you have to be willing to be vulnerable and allow that to happen. Whether you are called out in the middle of an event, whether you’re called out in the middle of a meeting, or whether it’s a one-on-one conversation that you’re having with somebody. You know, I work at an organization, [and] we’re open to asking questions like, “what the hell?,” “how do you do this?,” even as Black communities are trying to understand Black immigrant communities and very open to ask questions. That’s the only way that you’re really going to deal with your own assumptions, prejudices, and biases. (Lisa) Processing mistakes interpersonally I’m constantly bouncing stuff off of her [my friend who also strives to be a White ally]. Like I’ll call her, and I just talked to her on the phone the other night. You know, saying this happened, what do you think about this? Did I stick my foot in my mouth again? Or you know, I’ll call her and say, I was kinda, I saw this happen and I can’t quite put my finger on it but it’s making me really uncomfortable. Like we talk about like what might have been going on in that situation. Or I’ll react to something and be like damn I thought that was really problematic like what I said. Like am I over reacting? You know, is this a really problematic interaction that I saw or that I was involved in? So she’s been helpful throughout. (Kyle)

I kind of talked to a couple of colleagues, um, who identified as people of color to kind of help me and other colleagues who identified as white to kind of make sure I was thinking it through and to make sure I was processing all sides of it and also getting support and also my partner. (Audrey) If I say something that makes my stomach drop I, if it is workable, I process it with the person and see where it goes. To at least lay it on the table and say “I noticed that I said this and this is an issue, let’s talk.” (Jolene)

Continuous Working Through: Commitment to a Lifelong Process

You have to continue kind of examining yourself and, you know, talking about it with friends who you feel are, who have the same kind of beliefs as you and to be advocates constantly. It is something that you constantly have to maintain, it is a constant process. (Marie) I feel like every year or every couple of years, I come into contact some other area that I haven’t paid attention to or that I’m revisiting for some reason, kind of the depth of something or the depth of my privilege. (Audrey) And that’s a constant process that I go through, just be part of the work. And be in a place—it’s something I tell my congregants, which is that sometimes you can’t force yourself to change. Or you can’t force yourself to grow. But you can kind of intentionally put yourself in places where growth is possible, or put yourself in the path of transformation, and in the path of growth … there’s not a day goes by where I don’t think about these issues ‘cause this isn’t a hobby for me, this has become my entire life. So it’s, it’s literally just putting myself in those places because again, I have the option. (Jake) So you know, I think one of the things that sort of became clear to me as I got older is that, in a way all of this work is like gardening. You can’t sort of do one thing and assume you don’t have to go through that again, you know, you’ve proved, the way you stand [as an ally], everybody should recognize that and give you a pat in the back. So you have to accept that this is stuff you just have to keep sort of doing. (Eric)

FIGURE 1 The process of being and becoming an ally

Data Availabilty and Sharing Statement

Due to the nature of this research, participants of this study did not agree for their data to be shared publicly, so supporting data is not available.