That mr. Alzheimer… you never know what he’s up to, but what about me? A discourse analysis of how Swedish spouse caregivers can make their subject positions understandable and meaningful

Figures & data

Table AI. Subject position spouse as actor, person categories and category actions.

Subject position	Spouse as actor
Person Categories Participants,	Actor		Dog
Person Categories Researcher,	Actor	Skilled actor	Dog
Participants Categorized Actions	“keep a poker face”, “a bit like an actor”, “hold it inside”, “be able to lie”, “pat my head”. “I´m not a dog”, “I let her pat”, “we used to have a dog”, “, “to bite together and pretend”, “I avoid telling or talking about how I feel”, “he doesn’t have that understanding anymore”, “ “it´s just one of the white lies”, “I want to be here beside you. “	“I don’t say anything, I let her pat…”, “…He´s afraid of losing me or that something could happen to me”, “I avoid telling or talking about how I feel”, “these white lies that I tell” “I have never lied to my husband before”, “you have to do it”, “	“Pat my head”, “I´m not a dog”, “I let her pat”, “we used to have a dog”
Researchers Categorized Actions	acting, hide, pretend, deny the truth, can´t or doesn’t tell the truth, accept the false reality for the moment	wanted, experienced, flexible, know when something is important/necessary, the assigned role doesn’t defines the original self protects, helps avoiding unwished or uncomfortable consequences or situations, has given up on trying to change an assigned role	accept false reality for a moment, deny his real belonging, acting like a dog

Table AII. Subject position spouse as parent, person categories and category actions.

Subject position	Spouse as parent
Person Categories Participants
Person Categories Researcher	Mother	Facilitator	Expert	Supervisor	The good one	Constantly worker
Participants Categorized Actions	“I use to shower her”, “have a child”, “shower”, “so I smell”, “now I allow him to eat that…I don’t care if he does… He doesn’t die from it”	“stand beside to help them”, “now I allow him”,	“and tell and show”, “have you brushed your teeth’s?”, ”but you haven´t”, “No, but I know you haven´t”, “now I allow him to eat that”, “He doesn’t die from it“	“I´m here with you in the mornings and the nights”, have you brushed your teeth’s?”, ”but you haven´t”, “No, but I know you haven´t” “you haven´t done it”, “now I allow him”	“be up…and stand beside to help them‘- Have you brushed your teeth’s?’, ‘now I allow him to eat that’, ”I think he´s finished soon”,	“be up”, “used to”, “every day”, tired”, ” I´m here with you in the mornings and the nights”, “now I allow him to eat that”,
Researchers Categorized Actions	mothering, care, parenting, to know about her needs and see to that she got the daily care she needs	show, facilitate for your partner	can tell, listen, show, ask, explain, remember, ponder, interpret, valuate, argue, understand, solve problems, know what´s necessary, know when needed, only pick the fights worth dealing with, pick fights needed, qualified parenting, have knowledge, know about certain facts, competent, know what good parenting is	nag, supervise, govern, allow, protect	be there, are there, sustains, loyal, firm but not bossy, care, know when to be quiet, kind, patient, self-controlled, active, adjustable, flexible, inclusive, able to endure, trapped between own needs or wellbeing and others, able to put someone else’s needs or wellbeing in the front, handle remorse	never off duty, shadow your partner, tired

Table AIII. Subject position spouse as survivor, person categories and category actions.

Subject position	Spouse as survivor
Person Categories Participants
Person Categories Researcher	the strong one	the healthy one	the stranger	the one that doesn’t exist.
Participants Categorized Actions	“It´s hard”, “now I start to cry, because I don´t have”, “I can´t talk to him like I would, because you doesn’t get any answer”, “I miss him, I don’t have the man I married today”, “I rather talk to the dog than him”, “It´s pointless to say anything”, “but send me to the care-home then”, I´m not allowed to feel bad”, “it´s just so”, “supposed to shut up”, “sit beside him”, I´m not allowed to feel bad because then he becomes moody”, I have to survive this so I have to do it then”, “I feel ashamed”, “like I´ve caused it”, “ “I´m frustrated”, “in some way you have to deal with that”, “I get scared when you talk like that”, “beat me to death”,	“I´m not allowed to feel bad”, “it´s just so”, “I´m a bit down and depressed so I think I have to go out and walk, get some pulse and endorphins”, “I have to survive this so I have to do it then”, “I have metastases in my back so I can’t run, by I can walk”, “I have treatment every third week… cytostatic”, “I´m not supposed to lift him up when needed, but I do it anyway”	“I can´t talk to him like I would, because you doesn’t get any answer”, I miss him, I don’t have the man I married today…, “I rather talk to the dog than him”, it´s a whole new world to me this”, “you´re very lonely at home, “he´s not my husband”, “I miss having a man”, “I have some dreams of having a life”, “it´s strange”, “this is my new assignment”, ““but that Mr. Alzheimer, you never know what he will get up to”	I can´t talk to him like I would, because you doesn’t get any answer”, “I miss him, I don’t have the man I married today “, “I rather talk to the dog than him, “It´s pointless to say anything”, “I´m not allowed to feel bad, “ it´s just so, “supposed to shut up”, “my life has disappeared”, “and now everything is gone”, “you´re very lonely at home”
Researchers Categorized Actions	try to carry grief and guilt, missing someone, lonely, alone, there´s not point, it´s just like it is, try to hide/contain when they aren’t feeling good/having needs of their own, have less needs than their partner, try to accept that they are the loosing part, be there”, survive, competent, stay surviving, being the cause to the disaster, carry hope, endure,, recapturing life if possible, there´s not point of looking back, afraid	want to/have the power to send the partner away, be and stay healthy, not sick, doesn´t compete with their partner about being the sickest one, hope that you will survive your partner,	alone in a relationship and to people in general and to professionals, their partner doesn’t recognize them, enters a whole new world, are a stranger and at the same time married to a stranger, doesn’t want to be a stranger in the future	be quiet, knowing/missing/grief that you lost your partner, alone, their partner doesn’t express awareness about their existents as a person, be the one that doesn’t exist in the same way as before