Madness as creative energy: Self-observations during episodes of unipolar mood elevation

Figures & data

Table 1. Psychiatric, psychophysical, affective, cognitive, perceptual, and social features in 17 episodes

Area of functioning	Manifestation
Psychiatric features
Unusual mood elevation	Euphoria. Inflated self-confidence. Irritability not a significant feature. No grandiosity or psychotic features
Flight of ideas	Rapid succession of ideas or verbalizations with abrupt shifting from one idea or topic to another. Especially pronounced during manic episodes
Talkativeness	Under pressure to keep talking. Usually kept under control, especially in later episodes
Impulse control	Usually able to exercise adequate impulse control. Absence of high-risk activities, except in manic episodes
Psychophysical functioning
Inability to sleep	A major symptom in all episodes, except the last two, which accentuated fatigue. No decreased need to sleep and did not feel sleepy
Extreme fatigue	Experienced depletion of energy after engaging in demanding physical or mental activities. Had to conserve energy with extreme measures, such as half shutting my eyes (a Yoga technique), avoiding all unnecessary talking or movements
Shaking chills	Present in episodes beginning from the 7th, even in hot weather. Progressively worsened
Strong libidinal drive	Increased sexual thoughts and activities
Engagement in physical activities	Driven to physical activities such as martial arts (mostly Taiji) and dancing to music, no matter how tired. Ushered into a self-rewarding state of selfless-oblivion
Infused with qi (energy)	Experienced an energy flow throughout my body, feeling strong. Occasionally, though briefly, after practicing Taiji
Posture	Rid of hunchback posture that had existed for years, maintaining upright posture during episodes
Motility	Enhanced kinesthetic sense in dancing, practicing martial arts, and so forth when entering into a state of selfless-forgetfulness
Blood pressure	Sometimes lowered to the point where medication is no longer needed, for periods lasting up to over 1 year
Hiccups and gastrointestinal imbalances	Occasional hiccups that lasted on and off for some 5 h in the middle of the night. (Perplexed, I consulted a Taiji master, who said, “It’s a good thing.”) End result indeed beneficial to my health, felt a sense of extraordinary well-being, rid of gastrointestinal imbalances or disturbances I have had for years
Self-healing and bodily relaxation	Self-healing of an injured knee and ridding it of pain in a transcendent state. Sharpened proprioceptive perception enabled me to be sensitive to tightness or weakness, even past mild injuries. Total bodily relaxation achieved extends into normal states
Affective and emotional functioning
Depth of feelings	Experienced ecstasy; serenity and inner peace intermingling with anguish
Uninhibited expressiveness	More expressive than usual. Usually kept within the bounds of social acceptability, except in the two manic episodes
Liberation from self-doubts	Feeling at home in the cosmos. Saying to myself, “Life is wonderful.” Liberation from self-condemnation by a punitive superego
Humility	Humbled by the collective achievements of humankind, the vastness of the cosmos
Magnanimity	Strong feelings of pathos, compassion, and da’ai (“big love” in Buddhism). Predomination of love over hatred
Cognitive functioning
Mental confusion	Unable to perform simple tasks, such as arithmetic calculations. At worst, disoriented, unable to parse whole sentences
Distractability	Secondary to fatigue. May be highly goal-directed when energy level permitted
Metacognition	Maintained self-reflectiveness and self-monitoring throughout all episodes. Aware of my extraordinary condition at all times
Superefficiency in memory retrieval	Able to retrieve memories rapidly, even those of past decades or of infancy
Creativity	Able to make remote association of ideas. Often flooded with novel ideas, some of which have lasting value. The mind seemed to be working continually at full speed, even during sleep
Articulation	Enhanced verbal fluency, articulation, to-the-point expressions
Empathy	Enhanced capability to feel the feelings of others and to anticipate what people will say or do accurately
Freedom from compulsivity	Became spontaneous, less inhibited. Totally relieved from obsessive-compulsiveness
Perceptual functioning
Alteration in time perception	Cease to be obsessive about living by the clock. Occasionally hours would pass without my awareness, surprised when I looked at my watch
Alteration in auditory perception	Occasionally, while listening to music, my tolerance for volume diminished dramatically; somehow the music did not sound right
Supersensitivity in olfactory perception	On one occasion, able to smell unpleasant odors from a swamp more than a hundred feet away, even though there was a steady breeze blowing
Willful hallucinations	Dramatic willful hallucinations in the first manic episode: seeing myself nailed on a cross and feeling pathos for humankind, as if I were Jesus; transgender experiencing
Social functioning
Occupational functioning	Not compromised, except in one manic episode
Social relationships	Caused considerable anxiety in my family and among my friends and colleagues
Humor	More humorous, colorful, and entertaining during social gatherings
Generosity	More generous in helping others in need, both in terms of time and money. Engaged in philanthropic activities
Literary-artistic-esthetic sensibilities
Enhanced esthetic sensitivity	Seeing beauty everywhere, in people’s faces, in ordinary objects, in nature (e.g. the roots of a tree, the droning sound of cicadas). Enhanced capacity for art appreciation
Music appreciation	Magnified emotional responsiveness to music stood out in all episodes. Listened and danced to music for hours daily
Literary output	Wrote poems. Sent literary messages to friends and colleagues
Appreciation of life	Delight in “just being alive.” Enjoying the simple activities of daily life, including those normally resisted (e.g. brushing my teeth)