The sibling experience: growing up with a trans sibling

ABSTRACT

Objective: Research has addressed the experiences of parents, children, and spouses of trans people. The experiences of the siblings of trans people are explored in this study.

Method: Thematic analysis was performed on the transcripts of semi-structured interviews with seventeen siblings of trans people.

Results: Evidence was found for an umbrella theme (the responsibility to support and protect) and three themes: (“societal issues”, “relationship with their trans sibling”, “family and social relationships”). Results indicated that participants engaged in a process of family transition. Challenges participants faced included: lack of knowledge of trans identities, a lack of trans visibility in society, acting as an intermediary between their trans sibling and others, managing conflict, experiencing relational strain and cut-off, holding the knowledge of their sibling’s gender identity when others were unaware, witnessing their trans sibling’s negative experiences, and suppressing their own negative emotions. Positive experiences included: developing authentic sibling relationships, strengthening family relationships, support from family and social relationships, and developing their understanding of diversity and identity as an advocacy.

Conclusions: Needs were identified as: provision of accessible and accurate information regarding trans identities and issues, increased trans visibility, connection with others in similar situations, and targeted counselling and services.

KEY POINTS

What is already known about this topic:

1. Family support is associated with positive mental health outcomes and reduced suicide risk in trans populations.

2. Parental support is not guaranteed for trans populations.

3. Sibling relationships are often the longest and most influential relationships in life.

What this topic adds:

1. A description of the experiences of Australians with at least one trans sibling.

2. An analysis of the positive and challenging aspects of the experiences of people with at least one trans sibling.

3. An understanding of the support needs of the siblings of trans people.

KEYWORDS:

• Family transition
• gender diverse
• siblings
• trans

Introduction

Gender identity refers to an individual’s internal sense of maleness, femaleness, or another gender. Alternatively, gender expression relates to the ways in which individuals chose to communicate their gender identity to others (Strauss et al., 2017). Those whose gender identity is typical of their assigned sex are referred to as cisgender. However, those who identify as a gender other than that typically associated with their assigned sex use a variety of terms to describe their gender including transgender, trans male, trans female, gender diverse, gender fluid, non-binary, gender non-conforming or a-gendered. Each person’s gender identity is unique, as is the terminology they use to define it (Strauss et al., 2017). Many authors utilise the term transgender to recognise all non-cisgender identities. However, there are some inconsistencies in the interpretation of this term, which can be confused with outdated definitions or likened to the term “transsexual” which intones that transgender identities represent binary constructs that are “opposite” to sex assigned at birth (Denny, 2004). As such, the term trans has been utilised as an umbrella term to encompass all non-cisgender identities and will be adopted throughout this paper (Strauss et al., 2017; Wheeler et al., 2019).

Trans individuals are at greater risk of experiencing mental and physical health difficulties than the general population (Smith et al., 2014; Strauss et al., 2017). When a person identifies as trans there are also social, emotional, and interpersonal impacts for their family members (Kuvalanka et al., 2014; Lev, 2004). Mental health difficulties suffered by trans individuals are often related to factors external from the individual’s personality and identity, including bullying, isolation from support and services, rejection, lack of family support, and accommodation and employment issues (Strauss et al., 2017). Perceived family support is associated with fewer mental health diagnoses and better access to mental health services (Smith et al., 2014). As a result, parents and partners of trans individuals have begun to receive research attention (Erich et al., 2008; Kuvalanka et al., 2014; Norwood, 2013; Riggs & Due, 2015). This study expands the trans family literature by considering siblings’ experiences of gender diversity.

Siblings play an important role in supporting and challenging each other’s identity development (Dunn, 1988; Rowe, 2007). However, Traditional gender roles and responsibilities are often accepted with little conscious consideration or negotiation in family relationships. A renegotiation of roles is inevitable when an individual’s gender identity challenges norms and expectations within their family and society (Giammattei, 2015; Lev, 2004).

Gender identity disclosure and transition occur in and are influenced by familial, social, and community environments and relationships (Dierckx et al., 2016; Katz-Wise et al., 2017; Lev, 2004). An individual’s beliefs and values may influence their support or rejection of a trans family member (Norwood, 2013). A family members’ support and acceptance of a trans identity may change over time, suggesting that family members experience personal “transitions” alongside their trans relative (Lev, 2004; McConnell et al., 2016; Riggs & Due, 2015). Lev (2004) outlines a stage model of family transition, influenced by research considering the experiences of the parents or spouses of trans individuals, incorporating four stages: discovery and disclosure, turmoil, negotiation, and finding balance.

The stage of discovery and disclosure occurs when a trans identity becomes known in the family, often resulting in shock, betrayal and confusion. These reactions may be influenced by the family’s prior knowledge of trans identities and socio-political context. Concerns may arise regarding how the trans identity will influence the health, wellbeing, and social standing of their loved one, themselves and their immediate family (Lev, 2004). This is followed by the stage of turmoil, during which a family member’s emotional reactions intensify and fluctuate as they process new information and have new experiences. Families experience stress and conflict as each member responds in unique ways. As the family seek resolution, they enter the negotiation stage of family transition which is dominated by discussion and limit setting. Finding balance, the final stage of Lev’s model, occurs when family members have worked through their personal journeys to reach a point of understanding and accepting each other’s positions and limitations regarding the expression and communication of the trans identity within the family and wider community (Lev, 2004).

In Australia, there is limited social and educational exposure to trans identities and issues (Rhodes, 2018). Attempts to increase representation and inclusiveness, such as the “Safe Schools” programs, have resulted in media coverage giving voice to organisations publicly de-legitimising trans identities and challenging trans visibility (Australian Christian Lobby, 2019; Rhodes, 2018; You’re teaching our children what?, 2019). These views have been endorsed by the Australian Prime Minister who has questioned the need for “gender whisperers” in schools (Butson, 2018; McGowan, 2018). While some parents have indicated the challenges they face, and advocated for social change (Field & Mattson, 2016; Hill & Menvielle, 2009; Norwood, 2013), little is known about how siblings of trans people experience and respond to the presentation of trans issues.

Despite the relational nature of gender transition, research into the impact of gender transition on sibling relationships has only recently begun to emerge(Dierckx et al., 2016; Westwater et al., 2020; Wheeler et al., 2019). Trans adults have demonstrated the importance of sibling relationships as perceived sibling support was positively correlated with their self-esteem and life satisfaction. Despite this correlation, only 34.6 per cent of participants indicated they perceived their sibling’s support to be “very good” or “excellent” (Erich et al., 2008). Prior to the completion of this project,research on the experiences of siblings appears to have focused on the perspective of a parent (Kuvalanka et al., 2014; Riggs & Due, 2015), a trans sibling (Erich et al., 2008), or has been considered under the broader context of “family and friends” (Norwood, 2013). For example, parents have reported that sibling support was not influenced by a diagnosis of gender dysphoria, sibling’s levels of support were greater at the time of the survey than three years previously, and siblings of older trans children were more supportive than the siblings of younger trans children (Riggs & Due, 2015). Further, Kuvalanka et al. (2014) noted some material presented by mothers addressing how siblings experienced a sense of loss related to the gendered sibling. However, these results do not relate directly to the sibling’s experiences and needs.

Subsequent to the completion of the current research, Wheeler et al. (2019) have published a study exploring eight cisgender participants’ understanding of trans identities and their relationships with their gender diverse siblings in the United Kingdom. These participants went through a personal journey within their family context that began with confusion upon learning of their siblings’ trans identity, went through processes of achieving clarity, managing their siblings’ two identities and developing deeper empathy for their trans siblings. Further, Westwater et al. (2020) have considered the experiences of siblings within family systems impacted by the presence of a member experiencing gender dysphoria. Again, this study demonstrated that siblings have both positive and negative experiences and appear to embark on a personal and relational journey as a result of their sibling’s gender identity and transition (Westwater et al., 2020). These studies provide some needed insights into the experiences of those with trans siblings, and demonstrate the emerging nature of this topic. The current research will contribute to a growing evidence base on this topic and provide insights into siblings’ experiences in an Australian context.

Rationale

This study aims to influence those who work with trans people and their families in two ways. Firstly, learning of the trans identity of a sibling can be a challenging experience due to dominant cisgenderist societal and community values (Giammattei, 2015). Thus, participants were provided an opportunity to communicate their experiences and needs. Secondly, understanding and meeting a sibling’s needs may help clinicians facilitate improved family functioning leading to better family support for trans people. This research considers how participants experience their sibling’s trans identity, and how familial and societal gender expectations influence their experiences.

Research question

What are the experiences and needs of the siblings of trans individuals?

Method

Ethical clearance

This study received ethical clearance from the Curtin University Human Research Ethic Office on the 13^th of November 2017, with approval given to recruit and interview participants aged from 14 years without parental consent. Participants provided written informed consent prior to being interviewed. No participants reported any adverse effects as a result of their participation in this study.

Participants and recruitment

This research recruited participants aged between 14 and 26. Including older participants in the sample would result in narratives from people who experienced a sibling’s coming out and transition in the past, influenced by a different social and political context to those who experienced a transition more recently. Also, these participants may have experienced their sibling’s coming out and transition in later adulthood rather than during childhood, adolescence, or early adulthood. It was beyond the scope of this study to consider the diversity of sibling’s experience across the lifespan. Recruitment material was advertised through Australian support services and advocacy groups within the gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, queer, intersex and allies (GLBTQI+) community as well as through organisations with publicised non-affirmative stances regarding trans issues. All participants indicated that they had heard about the research through a GLBTQI+ community group or word of mouth through their trans sibling or other supportive family members.

Twenty-three potential participants made enquiries regarding this research. Six of these were excluded for the following reasons: indicating they were too busy (2), being older than the age range (2), living outside of Australia (1), and not responding to follow-up emails to book an interview following receipt of the research information (1). The study included seventeen participants residing in four Australian States: Victoria, Western Australia, New South Wales, and Queensland. Table 1 presents characteristics of participants and their families. Participants were not compensated for their involvement in the research. However, they were informed that this research would be used to develop a knowledgebase of the experience and needs of those with a trans sibling.

Table 1. Participant Information

No	Age	Gender Identity	Trans Sibling’s Age	Sibling Relationship	Trans Sibling’s Gender Identity ^a	Other Siblings	Parents	Place of Origin	Interview Length
1	24	Female	27	Full-sibling	Male	None	Deceased	Perth, WA	36 mins
2	20	Female	18	Full-sibling	Male	None	Mother and Step-Father	Brisbane, QLD	31 mins
3	21	Male	18	Full-sibling	Male	Foster Sibling	Mother and Father	Perth, WA	51 mins
4	21	Female	10	Half-sibling	Male	2-year-old half-sibling	Mother and Step-Father	Perth, WA	35 mins
5^b	24	Female	28	Full-sibling	Trans	19-year-old full-sister (participant 8)	Mother and Father separated	Sydney, NSW	35 mins
6	24	Female	19	Full-sibling	Male	20-year-old brother	Mother and Father	Perth, WA	34 mins
7	18	Male	7	Half-sibling	Female	9-year-old half brother	Mother and Step-Father	Melbourne, VIC	39 mins
8^b	19	Female	28	Full-sibling	Non-binary (assigned female)	24-year-old full-sister (participant 5)	Mother and Father separated	Sydney, NSW	19 mins
9	19	Male	22	Full-sibling	Male	14-year-old brother	Mother and Father	Brisbane, QLD	36 mins
10	22	Female	24	Full-sibling	Female	None	Father Mother deceased	Melbourne, VIC	59 mins
11^c	25	Male	18	Half-sibling	Female	28-year-old full-sibling Younger half-sister	Father and Step-Mother	Rural NSW	1 hr 19 mins
11^c	25	Male	13	Half-sibling	Male	28-year old full-sister Two older step-brothers	Mother and Step-Father	Rural NSW	1 hr 19 mins
12	14	Male	15	Full-sibling	Female	3 adult siblings	Mother and Step-Father	Rural VIC	18 mins
13	25	Male	23	Full-sibling	Male	Older full-brother	Mother and Father	Perth, WA	1 hr 23 mins
14	23	Female	21	Full-sibling	Non-binary (assigned male)	25-year-old full-brother	Mother and Father	Rural VIC	41 mins
15	19	Female	21	Full-sibling	Non-binary (assigned female)	None	Mother and Father separated	Melbourne, VIC	46 mins
16	15	Female	19	Full-sibling	Male	None	Mother and Father	Rural VIC	26 mins
17	26	Female	17	Half-sibling	Female	None shared with trans siblings	Mother Father and Step-Mother	Rural VIC	46 mins

^aTrans sibling’s gender identity is listed as communicated by the participant.

^bParticipants 5 and 8 were full-siblings and had the same trans sibling.

^cParticipant 11 had two trans half-siblings, one on their mother’s side and one on their father’s side.

Procedure

The first author conducted all interviews between July and September 2018 from a private clinic room located at Curtin University in Perth. Participants were given the option of having an in person or video call interview depending on their location and availability.

Five broad questions explored participant’s: family and relationships; experiences of learning of their sibling’s trans identity; challenges and positive experiences; supports and unmet support needs; comments and reflections that had not been addressed by the end of the interview.

Participants were given as much time as they required to communicate all aspects of their experiences and relationships that they felt were important, as outlined in Table 1.

Analytic approach

Interviews were transcribed verbatim and analysed using thematic analysis, as described by Braun and Clarke (2006), with all documentation de-identified. During several readings of the interview transcripts, the first author noted ideas, meanings, memos, and reflections. This was followed by identifying and collating common experiences across interviews and recording reflections and inconsistencies. This involved the development of codes that were divided into four overarching categories: overall experience, relational impacts, emotional impacts, and knowledge of trans identities. Codes that did not fit into these categories were labelled as miscellaneous and marked for further consideration within the analysis. This process ensured that biases, inconsistencies and areas that required further exploration were available for reflection in subsequent stages of analysis. The first author then re-read all transcripts to categorise data from each interview into the relevant coding categories.

The first author re-read all transcripts and coded interview data to develop a preliminary thematic structure. Inconsistencies and overlaps between themes, and codes that were excluded from the preliminary thematic structure were recorded. It became apparent that the categories of codes were overly simplistic and did not relate directly to the production of themes. The experiences within each category reflected complex interpersonal processes rather than static “impacts” of having a trans sibling, as implied by the initial titles. The lack of emphasis on the societal issues and the connections between the categories also became evident. The categories of codes were re-developed into themes and sub-themes, and miscellaneous codes were re-defined to fit within this thematic structure.

Having studied the interview transcripts, the second author reviewed the results at this stage and compared these to their interpretation of the raw data to provide feedback to the primary researcher. The consultation process involved an in-depth examination and re-mapping of the themes and sub-themes resulting in a final thematic structure that provided an overview of all relevant experiences. During this process, an umbrella theme that tied all other themes together and ran through all interviews was identified. Finally, reading and referring to data categorised within each theme and sub-theme informed the written results. This process ensured that results represented the interview data and that exemplar quotes were appropriate.

Results

An umbrella theme and three major themes represent an overview of the societal and relational experiences and needs of the participants. Table 2 provides an overview of the themes and sub-themes.

Table 2. Thematic Results

Theme	Sub-themes
Umbrella Theme The responsibility to support and protect
1. Societal issues	1.1 Lack of access to accurate information 1.2 Trans visibility matters 1.3 Sense of isolation 1.4 Lack of formal targeted support
2. Relationship with their trans sibling	2.1 Negotiating changes 2.2 Holding the knowledge 2.3 Witnessing trans sibling’s negative experiences 2.4 Building authenticity
3. Family and social relationships	3.1 Gender transition impacts the whole family 3.2 Acting as an intermediary 3.3 Relationships as a source of support 3.4 Relational strain and cut-off

Umbrella theme: the responsibility to support and protect

All participants indicated that they felt a responsibility to help their sibling negotiate the relational and emotional challenges associated with being trans. This theme was included as an umbrella theme as it was strongly evident in the narratives of all participants, however, was unable to fit exclusively within any of the four themes. It was apparent that across societal, social, and relational context participants shared this experience. For seven siblings this was immediate upon discovery of their sibling’s gender identity.

“I have a responsibility now to support, always … and I know that that’s really important for [trans sibling] to know” (Participant 8).

For ten others the need to support and protect their sibling developed over time as they shared experiences and grew to understand, accept and support their sibling’s gender and felt the need to buffer their sibling’s negative experiences.

“I wasn’t very knowledgeable; I didn’t really know what was going on … I was definitely confused, but then, like, I saw my parents using he/him pronouns and calling my brother [trans sibling’s name], and how happy it made my brother, so I’m … well, I just wanna [sic] make him happy” (Participant 16).

Theme 1: societal issues

Common across all interviews was the belief that in social, political, community and educational context trans identities were either hidden or presented in a negative manner, contributing to their difficulties in understanding, adjusting to, and communicating their siblings gender identity. Upon learning their sibling’s trans identity, participants experienced concerns about how this would impact themselves, their sibling and their whole family.

Sub-theme 1.1: lack of access to accurate information

All participants indicated that there was not enough accurate information readily available that explained the concept of trans identity, trans issues, or how to support trans people. For ten participants this issue meant that when they first learned of their sibling’s gender identity they had no prior exposure to trans identities. Thus, their ability to support their sibling was hampered by their need to gain accurate information and resources. They often experienced difficulty finding useful and accurate information and separating fact from opinion and misinformation.

“Having that information, that knowledge, before I encountered it with a family member would have been useful” (Participant 10).

These issues occurred in educational, social and community contexts as well as when using social media and online platforms. All participants also described how the lack of available information impacted their ability to communicate their sibling’s gender identity with others.

“I have to explain a lot … they have to explain the rest of their life, and we all have to explain the rest of our lives” (Participant 2).

All participants emphasised their belief that the availability of misinformation through the media and online communities was a major contributing factor to their difficulties when faced with others who promoted anti-trans attitudes and values. Three participants were school-aged when their sibling first came out and described social conflicts and bullying they experienced when other children had no understanding of trans identities.

“ … so high school was a bit challenging in that sense … a lot of people who are misinformed expressing their opinions … it was just a difficult place for me” (Participant 15).

Sub-theme 1.2: trans visibility matters

Nine participants stated that beyond the need for accurate information there is a need for greater trans representation in media, entertainment, political and educational contexts.

“ … in the media … tv shows and movies you … basically never see transgender people in mainstream stuff” (Participant 7).

It was noted that greater trans visibility would have helped participants develop a greater awareness of trans identities and issues prior to their sibling coming out. Likewise, a greater exposure of trans identities to the general population would have reduced their issues in communicating their sibling’s identity.

“ … if it was something that was more normalised in general society … a lot of my friends don’t really have much experience with that and I feel like if it was something that was … more talked about in life … it would be … easier” (Participant 1).

Sub-theme 1.3: sense of isolation

Fourteen participants noted that due to the taboo nature of discussing trans identities in society and lack of trans visibility they experienced a desire to know others who had similar experiences. Some participants discussed that they were able to explore the experiences of similar others through connections within the GLBTQI+ community, internet forums or chat rooms, or by watching videos on the internet.

“It was interesting to read and watch stories of those situations happening in other families as well and … how they coped with the transition” (Participant 9).

However, even if they had some online exposure to the experiences of similar others, these participants indicated that they felt lonely and isolated in their communities due to a lack of direct interaction with similar others because trans identities are often hidden.

“I would have really liked to talk to other people about their experience, and people that were separate from my sibling … because it’s a pretty … unique and isolating thing to kind of happen” (Participant 6).

Sub-theme 1.4: lack of formal, targeted support

All participants indicated that engagement with targeted formal support would have been useful. However, they did not receive sufficient support as they were either unable to access or unaware of appropriate support services. Participants identified two types of services that may have been useful: family or sibling support groups, and individual or family counselling.

“ … if I was … to suggest one idea that would be absolutely most helpful … some sort of mentor program, where … someone who’s came from the same situation as you … volunteers to … go out for lunch or something with you and … talk through their experiences of it” (Participant 3).

Sixteen participants discussed how their experiences had impacted their mental health or led to difficulties negotiating relational challenges. Some participants were able to get some support when already seeing a psychologist or counsellor; however, this was limited to discussing general familial and relational issues that occurred after their sibling’s gender disclosure, rather than issues specific to their sibling’s gender identity.

“I spoke to my counsellor about it a few times, but that wasn’t her realm of expertise and she made that very clear” (Participant 11).

All participants who were not engaged with any counselling services indicated that they believed they would have benefitted from such services.

Theme 2: relationship with their trans sibling

Following their sibling’s gender disclosure, participants described how their sibling relationship changed as they came to know their sibling as their felt gender.

Sub-theme 2.1: negotiating changes

Twelve participants experienced difficulties adjusting to their sibling’s gender transition, including learning to use a new name and pronouns and constructing how they related to memories of their sibling as their assigned gender given their currently expressed felt gender.

Ten participants accepted and supported their sibling’s gender identity and their difficulty related to breaking the habit of referring to their sibling in the ways they had previously. These participants felt an urgency to break these habits as they thought that time taken to adapt would be perceived as lack of support for their sibling’s gender identity.

“ … it’s weird not saying my sister … because I have said that for so long, but … I have to put an effort to say they and, and sibling, but that’s because it’s so recent I think … and I think that will get easier with time … ” (Participant 5).

For two participants the transition to using the new name and pronoun was intertwined with their emotional and educational journey. For these participants learning to use the name and pronoun occurred alongside developing an understanding of trans identities in general and getting know their sibling’s identity.

“ … just the whole process of the gender switch from female to male … and it’s like I went sixteen years of my life thinking that my sister was completely happy with herself as a female, and yeah, it was really hard grasp at that point in time” (Participant 9).

Five participants discussed that they went through a conscious process of negotiating how their memories of their sibling presenting as their assigned gender related to their new understanding of their sibling’s gender identity, yet it appears that this process was unique and personal for each participant

Sub-theme 2.2: holding the knowledge

For six participants the negotiation of changes in their sibling relationship was further complicated as their sibling came out to them before significant others resulting in the use of one set of names and pronouns when alone with their sibling and another when in company.

“I’d call him a different name and then we would come together as a family and all of a sudden I’ve got to turn that off” (Participant 13).

These participants discussed their difficulties in maintaining their sibling’s confidence when others noticed changes and began asking them questions.

“ … because I’m the older sister, I was … just put in a position a lot, where they were asking questions because he wasn’t very open with them and I couldn’t say” (Participant 2).

It was important for these participants to respect their sibling’s personal journey and not disclose their gender to others; however, this often resulted in strained relational experiences with others, as described in more detail in theme 3.

Sub-theme 2.3: witnessing their trans sibling’s negative experiences

Nine participants linked their feeling of responsibility for their trans siblings with witnessing the difficulties that they faced. Eight participants witnessed their sibling discriminated against or having to interact with others who either failed to acknowledge or actively challenged their sibling’s gender identity.

“ … it’s mainly been hard on me seeing the pain and … seeing the bullying that happened … ” (Participant 4).

Six participants discussed how their sibling suffered mental health difficulties related to their gender identity and expression and how these were received.

“The way that she identifies brings on such turmoil about who she is and how other people see her … as an older sibling … you wanna [sic] sort of protect them and … make them … feel safe” (Participant 17).

Sub-theme 2.4: building authenticity

Sixteen sibling relationships became closer and stronger after the sibling’s gender disclosure as participants were able to get to know their sibling as their felt gender.

“ … they can just be more comfortable to be themselves … we’ve just become a lot closer and just watching them, like, flourish into like the beautiful person they are is really rewarding to see” (Participant 14).

Five participants discussed how their trans sibling’s openness was important for them in their journey of learning about and accepting their trans identity. Four participants discussed how they began to connect to their trans sibling over common interests when their sibling was able to express their gender identity. Seven participants specifically discussed how their sibling was able to relate more authenticity as a result of improved mental health following coming out as trans.

Theme 3: family and social relationships

Sub-theme 3.1: gender transition impacts the whole family

Gender disclosure and transition was not a discrete event for any of the participants, their trans siblings, or their families. The processes and challenges faced by each participant and their family were unique and influenced by prior relationships, understanding and exposure to trans identities, and values. All participants stated that shared experiences relating to their sibling’s gender identity strengthened some family relationships. Seven participants discussed how nuclear family bonds were strengthened leading the family to come together to support their trans family member.

“ … it definitely brought us closer because now that we can talk to them about this stuff … without there being some type of barrier” (Participant 16).

Four participants discussed how their nuclear family experienced conflict as they renegotiated roles and responsibilities and re-evaluated family value systems. Once these families came to accept their loved one’s gender identity they rebuilt stronger and closer relationships.

“It’s really strengthened a lot of relationships and … redefined boundaries because now there’s, the whole idea of … taboo in the family in the last year has completely dissipated, and now everything is fair game pretty much” (Participant 11).

Sub-theme 3.2: acting as an intermediary

Eleven participants found themselves explaining, teaching, and guiding the reactions of others on behalf of their trans sibling to support their trans sibling. For some participants they played the role of intermediary with just one family member, however, it was most common that participants played this role with many social and familial relationships. Acting as an intermediary was one of the most difficult parts of participants’ experience with some resenting feeling obligated to fulfil this responsibility.

“I need to manage other people’s reactions, and protect him, while also helping my Mum and Dad, but also like my grandparents and my aunts and … I really do feel like … I’m bridging the divide and that’s been hard” (Participant 6).

Participants often played the intermediary role between one or both of their parents and their trans sibling. Ten participants discussed how they supported their parent/s after they reacted negatively or grieved the loss of their gendered child. These participants described how they provided information, resources, exposure to trans identity and the GLBTQI+ community, and emotional support in these cases.

Sub-theme 3.3: relationships as a source of support

Fourteen participants discussed how they had received support in negotiating challenges related to their sibling’s gender identity from close relationships. These participants felt supported when they were able to share their concerns and experiences or learn from or in unison with others.

“It makes it a bit easier to have people who understand it and are happy to talk about it” (Participant 15).

Five participants discussed how one or both of their parents helped them learn more about their sibling’s identity and could connect with them through shared experiences.

“My relationship with my Dad … having [Trans sibling] come out has been a shared experience that has brought us closer together … we are experiencing the same things … he’s also been a … massive support and someone I can ask questions of, and that kind of thing as well, um, to discuss stuff that’s going on” (Participant 10).

Three participants discussed that how other pre-existing positive relationships were supportive as they navigated challenges, especially if they were in the position of supporting their parents.

“We have one aunt in particular that we’re really close to and … she’s been really good and she’s also … shared the experience with me of … grieving for someone that she shared like, her gender with … so that’s been nice to have” (Participant 6).

For other participants, their relationships within the GLBTQI+ community provided support by helping them understand their sibling’s identity, providing a sense of connection with others experiencing similar circumstances or facilitating their development of a personal identity as an ally within the GLBTQI+ community.

“Just wanting to educate myself more on those things … to not just be a support for [Trans sibling] but also be a support for other people if they want to come out … ” (Participant 5)

Sub-theme 3.4: relational strain and cut-off

Many participants experienced difficulty when someone else’s lack of understanding or negative reactions towards their sibling’s gender identity led to either direct conflict or a choice between the maintenance of that relationship or their support for their trans sibling. Despite relational strain, family members often progressed through their own educational and emotional transitions resulting in relationships re-strengthening. In some relationships, others continued to maintain negative attitudes towards their trans sibling or did not openly accept resources and education. Participants then often made a conscious decision to have less or no contact with these people.

Discussion

Despite a diversity of experiences, all participants described both positive and challenging experiences in relation to their sibling’s trans identity. All participants engaged in interactional processes within their family, and social relationships, similar to the experiences of other family members as described by Katz-Wise et al. (2017), McConnell et al. (2016), Riggs and Due (2015), and Lev (2004) and of siblings described by Wheeler et al. (2019) and Westwater et al. (2020).

Results from the current study support the application of Lev’s (2004) developmental stage model of family transition to the experiences of sibling. Where participants held little prior knowledge of trans identities or issues they experienced surprise and confusion during the discovery and disclosure stage. All participants in this study described fears of isolation and stigmatisation for themselves, their trans sibling, and their families, that mirror those described by parents during this stage (Field & Mattson, 2016; Hill & Menvielle, 2009; Kuvalanka et al., 2014; Riley et al., 2013, 2011a, 2011b).

During the stage of turmoil (Lev, 2004), participants described challenges in adjusting to the correct names and pronouns and coming to terms with sibling’s current identity. These experiences were isolating due to participant’s concerns that sharing them would undermine their support and advocacy. This is akin to previously reported experiences of parents (Field & Mattson, 2016). Their position as an advocate for their trans sibling during periods of family and social conflict saw participants acting as an intermediary between their trans sibling and significant others. Their protective stance often saw them directly challenged by some family members, while supported by others. Thus, it was common for situations to arise where family and close friends appeared to be fractured into factions of those in support and those in opposition of their sibling’s gender identity.

During the stage of negotiation, their role as intermediary was often utilised in an attempt to bridge the divide between the factions within the family. Participants described how they engaged in relational processes with parents, siblings, extended family, and peers to provide support to their trans sibling. Participants were not the trans person who was directly challenging their family’s gender norms and expectations but had developed an understanding of trans identities and issues. As such, participants had to manage their support and advocacy for their trans sibling while maintaining relationships with others who were less accepting of both their sibling’s trans identity and their open support for it. These experiences are congruent with the descriptions of re-definition and negotiation of family roles described by Giammattei (2015).

Finding balance, occurred as others progressed through their own transition journeys and came to accept and understand both the trans identity and the participant’s support of it. This is similar to processes described by Giammattei (2015), Katz-Wise et al. (2017), McConnell et al. (2016), and Riggs and Due (2015). When others did not come to accept their loved one’s gender identity or the participant’s support of it, participants had to decide whether and how to maintain a relationship with those who disagreed with their support of their sibling’s gender identity. Obtaining balance in their relationships was unique and personal to each participant. Sometimes balance occurred by setting limits on when and how often to have contact and what topics of conversation were acceptable with certain people. At other times participants chose to engage in full emotional and physical cut-off when they could not negotiate mutually acceptable terms to maintain a relationship.

Recommendations

Insights into people’s experiences following a sibling’s gender disclosure can be utilised to better meet support needs of this population. Participants identified their needs as: availability of accurate and accessible information regarding trans identities, greater trans visibility within communities and society, connection with others who have had similar experiences, and provision of formal targeted counselling services.

The need for accurate and accessible information could be met by disseminating trans affirmative information and recourses through schools, community organisations, and counselling/family support services. Addressing these issues in schools and community organisations would benefit not only people with diverse gender and sexuality, but also their siblings, and peers.

Promotion of such materials could also serve the need for greater trans visibility in society to demystify and normalise trans identities and promote understanding and acceptance of trans identities. Likewise, greater trans visibility could help people to communicate their sibling’s trans identity with others and minimise their need to act as an educator and intermediary. This need could be met through school and community programs that teach about diversity in gender and sexuality and through exposure to trans identities in movies, television, politics, and social media.

Participants often felt confused and isolated following their sibling’s gender disclosure. Working to change societal perceptions, communications and visibility about trans identities and issues could minimise this experience in the future. However, controversy surrounding the legitimacy of trans identities and promotion of trans affirmative programs remains (Rhodes, 2018). Thus, issues surrounding isolation and confusion continue to be a reality for the siblings of trans people. Peer support programs aimed at allowing siblings to engage with others who had experienced a sibling’s gender disclosure and transition could be of benefit. Some participants indicated that they had gained useful connections through either general GLBTQI+ community programs, and/or targeted trans family support events. However, the development of support groups or mentor programs for siblings to work through their challenges and shared experiences could further support this need.

Targeted counselling services, with professionals who were experts in the areas of trans issues, would help siblings to negotiate the challenges involved in the family transition process. This need has been noted by Riley and colleagues (Riley et al., 2013, 2011a, 2011b), and Field and Mattson (2016) for parents of trans people. Parents who position themselves as advocates for trans people may undermine their own transitional experiences indicating a need for professional and targeted counselling (Field & Mattson, 2016). Thus, the availability of targeted family and/or individual counselling would support siblings, other family members, and trans individuals to address relational issues associated with trans identity disclosure, transition, and expression is warranted.

Limitations and future research

There is a limitation in prior research considering the experiences of families of trans individuals, whereby most studies had recruited through trans affirmative organisations. Despite efforts to recruit through non-affirmative organisations, this recruitment issue remains a limitation of this research. Although some participants in this study reported that they were initially confused and non-supportive following learning of their sibling’s gender identity, all participants had come to a position of support and acceptance by the time of their interview. Thus, this research includes some insights into the experiences and supports that were important to help participants work through personal and family processes to come to this position. However, factors that may contribute to ongoing non-acceptance, or conflict surrounding a sibling’s trans identity remain unexplored. Descriptions of the family transition process within this study are only representative of those who have been able to come to accept and support their trans sibling’s gender identity. Experiences may be quite different for those who continue to struggle to understand and accept their sibling’s gender identity. It is a challenge for future research to consider creative ways to engage family members of trans people who do not accept their loved one’s gender identity.

The age range of participants in this study was restricted to those between 14 and 26 in order to increase homogeneity in experiences to ensure meaning could be found across the data set. It is recognised that the experiences of the siblings of trans people over 26 are not included in this study and are under researched. Future research that includes older siblings of trans people is necessary to consider their unique experiences and needs.

This research aimed to recruit 20 participants, but the final number of participants involved was 17. The first author contacted many organisations who shared this information several times over a period from June to December 2018. Data collection ceased after 17 interviews as despite further dissemination of the recruitment material no further participants contacted the researcher. This number of participants was considered adequate for this study as no unique experiences were evident in any interviews. Further research with larger samples and wider selection criteria would increase the generalisability of the findings.

Conclusion

The participants in this study have shown that siblings can provide a source of support and acceptance for trans individuals; however, in the context of familial and social relationships go through their own experiences of transition. Challenges may include issues with the visibility of trans identity in society, the availability of appropriate information and resources regarding trans identities, communicating their sibling’s trans identity, managing relationships with others, and witnessing their sibling’s difficult experiences related to their gender identity. The siblings of trans people present with to a coherent set of needs that are similar to those of the parents, spouses, and children of trans people as reported in prior research. These are, to be better supported in their journey of transition with their family, a need for accurate and accessible information and resources regarding trans identities and issues, greater trans visibility in society, connections with others who have had similar experiences, and formal and targeted professional support.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.