The Crucible of the Long-Term Relationship

Abstract

Representations of long-term relationships in both theory and popular culture are often limited to stereotypes that haunt actual relationships. I suggest that many long-term relationships go through a significant crisis, or crucible, that fundamentally alters the relationship, looks dysfunctional at the time, but may be resolved. Marrying elements of systems theory with psychodynamic theory helps us understand and work with these relational turning points.

Keywords:

• couples therapy
• marriage
• long-term relationships
• romantic idealization
• systems theory
• relational psychoanalysis

Notes

I use “marriage” and “long-term relationship” interchangeably.

² The complexities of couples therapy when the patients and therapist are all women are intriguing, a subject beyond this article, but explored elsewhere (see, e.g., Glassgold & Iasenza, 2000).

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Beverly Burch

Beverly Burch, Ph.D., is in private practice in Berkeley, California. She serves on the clinical consulting faculty of the Sanville Institute and as a supervisor at the Psychotherapy Institute and is the author of two books on women's sexuality and psychoanalytic theory: On Intimate Terms (University of Illinois Press, 1997) and Other Women (Columbia University Press, 1997).