Queer Intimacies: A New Paradigm for the Study of Relationship Diversity

Abstract

Recognition of sexual and gender diversity in the 21st century challenges normative assumptions of intimacy that privilege heterosexual monogamy and the biological family unit, presume binary cisgender identities, essentialize binary sexual identities, and view sexual or romantic desire as necessary. We propose a queer paradigm to study relationship diversity grounded in seven axioms: intimacy may occur (1) within relationships featuring any combination of cisgender, transgender, or nonbinary identities; (2) with people of multiple gender identities across the life course; (3) in multiple relationships simultaneously with consent; (4) within relationships characterized by consensual asymmetry, power exchange, or role-play; (5) in the absence or limited experience of sexual or romantic desire; (6) in the context of a chosen rather than biological family; and (7) in other possible forms yet unknown. We review research on queer relational forms, including same-sex relationships; relationships in which one or more partners identify as transgender, gender nonbinary, bisexual, pansexual, sexually fluid, “mostly” straight, asexual, or aromantic; polyamory and other forms of consensual nonmonogamy; kink/fetish relationships; and chosen families. We argue that a queer paradigm shifts the dominant scientific conception of relationships away from the confines of normativity toward an embrace of diversity, fluidity, and possibility.

Acknowledgments

We grateful acknowledge Sari van Anders, three anonymous reviewers, and members of the Society for Personology, all of whom provided valuable feedback on earlier versions of this article.

Notes

¹ Consistent with current use in cultural and scientific discourse, we use the term same-sex to refer to attraction or intimate relationships between binary cisgender individuals (i.e., individuals whose current binary gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth) who share the same sex. We recognize that some transgender binary individuals may understand and label their relationships as same-sex, but we discuss these relationships separately in the article because research suggests that these relationships are distinct from those in which both partners identify as cisgender (e.g., Pfeffer, 2017).

² BDSM is a compound acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism (Ortmann & Sprott, 2013).

Additional information

Funding

This manuscript was completed in part while the first author was supported by a scholar award from the William T. Grant Foundation and a fellowship from the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University.