Unrequited love: The role of prior commitment, motivation to remain friends, and friendship maintenance

ABSTRACT

This study tested a moderated mediation model that commitment prior to an unrequited love episode will be related to higher levels of friendship maintenance behaviors after the episode and that this relationship will be mediated by the individual’s motivations to remain friends with the rejecter. We predicted that rejection distress would weaken the mediational model among those reporting high distress. Participants wrote about an unrequited love experience as a pursuer and completed measures of pre-unrequited love commitment, rejection distress, motivations to remain friends, and friendship maintenance behaviors. Our results confirmed the moderated mediation model when the motivations to remain friends measure overall score, the interpersonal connection motivation, or the social connections motivation was the mediator. When covariates were added, only the model with the overall motivations score as mediator was supported. These data can help laypersons and mental health professionals understand and potentially repair friendships following an unrequited love episode.

KEYWORDS:

• Unrequited love
• commitment
• friendship
• relationship maintenance

Acknowledgments

The team gratefully acknowledges the work of Brandon Joplin, Stephanie Tom, Margaret Fansler, and Saloni Bhatia on this project. Special thanks to Debra Oswald and Jillon Vander Wal for their input on an earlier draft. Finally, thanks to two anonymous reviewers who suggested the covariate analyses.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.

Data availability statement

The data described in this article are openly available in the Open Science Framework at osf.io/wp2du

Open Scholarship

This article has earned the Center for Open science badges for Open Materials through Open Practices Disclosure. The materials are openly accessible at osf.io/wp2du

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Eddie M. Clark

Eddie M. Clark, PhD, is a Professor of Psychology at Saint Louis University. His research examines close relationships (infidelity, relationship maintenance) and health attitudes (culturally appropriate health communication, the religiosity-health connection). He has served as an associate editor of PsycCRITIQUES-APA Review of Books and is on the editorial boards of the Journal of Social Psychology, the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, and the Journal of Black Psychology. Dr. Clark received his bachelors degree in psychology from Northwestern University and his masters and doctorate in social psychology from The Ohio State University. He completed a postdoctoral fellowship in behavioral medicine at the University of Memphis.

Katheryn L. B. Votaw

Katheryn L. B. Votaw, PhD is an Assistant Teaching Professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis Pierre Laclede Honors College. Her research examines mate choice and attraction from decision making and evolutionary perspectives. She also teaches seminar-style honors classes and advises honors students. Dr. Votaw received her bachelors degree in psychological sciences from University of Missouri-St. Louis and her masters and doctorate in social psychology from Saint Louis University.

Abigail L. Harris

Abigail L. Harris, PhD, is a Grant Analyst at Washington University. Her research examines close relationships (infidelity, friendship maintenance, and social rejection). Dr. Harris received her bachelors degree in psychology from the University of Nebraska at Kearney, her masters degree in social psychology from the University of Northern Iowa, and her doctorate in experimental psychology from Saint Louis University.

Michelle Hasan

Michelle Hasan, PhD., is a Postdoctoral Research Associate at the University of Southern California, where she works as a Research Coordinator on a large scale government funded research project related to wellness and productivity in the workplace. She received her PhD. in Experimental Psychology (with dual concentrations in Social Psychology and Quantitative Methods for Behavioral Science) from Saint Louis University in 2017, earning the annual Dissertation Award for Research Excellence in Applied Experimental Psychology. She received her M.S. in Experimental Psychology from Saint Louis University in 2013 and her B.A. in Psychology from Saint Louis University in 2011.

Priscilla Fernandez

Priscilla Fernandez, PhD, is a Senior Research Associate at Rescue Agency. Her research focuses on developing public health marketing campaigns that promote healthy behaviors (nutrition and physical activity in low income communities, smoking prevention in youth, teen pregnancy prevention) and close relationships (infidelity and norms). She has served as a reviewer for the Journal of Social Psychology. Dr. Fernandez received her bachelors degree in Psychology from the University of California San Diego, masters from California State University San Marcos, and PhD from Saint Louis University.