When Two Become Four: Patient, Analyst, Lover, Friend

Abstract

Even before he spoke, I felt something different that day. Michael looked more relaxed, lighter even, as he lay down on the couch. A smile crept onto his face as he settled in and began to speak. “Well,” he said, “I have some possible good news on the dating front, for a change.”

He's happy and hopeful and at this point, I am too. But it's only seconds before my stomach sinks, my heart pounds; I'm grateful for the couch. Head spinning, words flood and then recede.

Keywords:

• boundaries
• thirds
• self-states
• theoretical identifications
• transference-countertransference
• self-disclosure
• subjectivity
• analyst needs

Acknowledgments

With great appreciation to Galit Atlas and Hillary Grill for their contributions to the development of this article.

Notes

¹For example, Aron (1996); Atwood and Stolorow (1993); Bach (2006); Fosshage (2007); Frank (2005); Knoblauch (2008); Loewald (2000); Mitchell (1993, 2000); Samuels (1989).