The elusive pursuit of good enough fatherhood, and the single parent family as a modern phenomenon

ABSTRACT

This paper looks at the role of fathers in the family. Structured around three poems, it emphasises the need for a triangular structure in the mind, enabling the child (and any individual) to look at ‘reality’, internal and thus external too, from a third position. The Oedipal situation, what Hanna Segal called ‘the core complex’, lies deep within the mind of any individual, and continues to have vital relevance in the lives of modern families. Clinical material is included in the paper to illustrate the points made.

KEYWORDS:

• Fathers
• intergenerational issues
• benign and malign identifications
• Oedipus complex
• psychoanalytic work with children
• family structure
• trauma
• single parents

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Notes

1. This paper was first given verbally, at the ACPs request, for the 2021 ACP Conference. The poems can all be accessed online.

2. In May 2022 there was a suggestion put forward by the UK fertility watchdog that sperm donors would lose their anonymity, in line with internet access already made available for this information. This of course has implications for the children involved in sperm donorship, but this issue is beyond the remit of this paper.

3. For copyright reasons, I am not able to quote the whole poem here, but it is certainly worth listening to it, read by the poet herself, on YouTube.