“Come back home, sista!”: reactions to Black women in interracial relationships with white men

ABSTRACT

Black women in interracial relationships with white men perceive experiencing varying treatment due to expectations of who Black women should date and marry. Black women (N = 23) from across the United States describe their experiences dating and/or marrying white men. Interviewees explicitly and repeatedly express believing that they face social sanctions for being with white men. Judgment from Black men leads many Black women to feel shame, frustration, and that race x gender power differentials are at play in these responses. Judgment from white women leads Black women to believe the validity of their relationships is discredited. Black Feminist Thought and systemic racism reveal why Black women believe they face judgement for dating and/or marrying white men. Studying the perceived reactions to individuals with a double minority status (Black women) and a double majority status (white men) offers insight into the way social status can impact romantic relationships.

KEYWORDS:

• interracial relationships
• romantic relationships
• Black women
• discrimination
• Black Feminist Thought
• systemic racism

Acknowledgements

The author would especially like to thank her research assistants Krysten Long, Jasmine Underwood, and Brittany Belser, who carefully confirmed the accuracy of the interview transcripts and assisted in thematic coding. The author thanks all who disseminated this study, particularly the Facebook group specific to Black professionals who shared so extensively, making this work possible. Finally, the author deeply thanks the amazing interviewees who chose to share a portion of their lifestories.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author.

Notes

1 The full group names have been redacted for increased anonymity.

2 I provided age ranges for women to choose from. Some felt comfortable stating their exact age, but for others who expressed their age in a range, this range was then classified by mid-points so that a woman age 30–35 was denoted as 32.5. I then took the average of the exact ages and the midpoint ages, which is reported herein.

3 Looking at the data, Robnett and Feliciano (2011) find that Black men and women actually have similar rates of “preference” for same-race dating. Livingston and Brown's (2017) finding that newlywed Black men are twice as likely to intermarry as Black women may be explained by higher levels of exclusion of Black women by out-group members (Robnett and Feliciano 2011).

4 All names have been changed, including the names of the partners women describe.

5 Chanel refused to move to the back of the class. When sent to the principal’s office, she emphasized that she was the only person in her relationship who was targeted, that being with a white boy should not be grounds for punishment, and that the white adult female teacher should be questioned rather than herself. Chanel’s belief in herself served her well, but she noted that that teacher could have had a deeply damaging effect on her performance in school and on her psyche.